Alex, the Recovering Addict, Opens the Eyes of Teens Blind to the Ravages of Addiction

I introduced Alex with just three sentences: This 24 year old man was just like you, a nice Jewish boy. I was at his Bar Mitzvah, celebrated his Confirmation and helped him get into college. Listen to his story, learn from it, and perhaps you won't make the same mistakes as he did.

I am proud that Alex, a young man recovering an addiction to drugs, came to speak at Congregation Or Ami's Confirmation class. Our 9th-11th graders listened intently as Alex took them on a journey: from disconnection and self-esteem issues, to drinking and drugs until he finally hit rock bottom. He spoke frankly about treatment centers, about falling off the wagon, about almost ruining his life. Then he spoke about his recovery from addictions, about his working the 12 Steps, and about making amends. He helped the teens learn where to turn when life feels wrong, so they don't make decisions that could ruin their lives.

I was pleased with the presentation and discussion. I hoped it would touch the lives of the students. Of course, one can never be sure. And then I received this email from a mother of a student:

Dear Rabbi Paul,

I just wanted to thank you for giving my son the opportunity to speak with Alex and to give you feedback on the kind of impact it had on him. The best indicator is that my son talked non-stop all the way home from Temple! It was such a great conversation, it was extended over dessert-even though he still had homework to do! Here is what made it most helpful and different from other drug information:

* Alex's courage to share his own personal story really made an impact. As my son said to me, he has heard the detrimental health effects a million times; yet nobody had ever spoken about the toll it takes on personal relationships (which was most affected my son) or one's own personal life goals.

* Alex also shared the reasons he turned to drugs in the first place (low self esteem, depression). This opened another door in our relationship because it allowed me to ask my son if he had ever considered doing drugs when he felt this way. His answer was honest but scary: He said he has thought about it, knowing it would temporarily take the pain away; but he knows it would create other problems. As parent, I loved one of Alex's solutions to poor self esteem: Do esteemable acts!!!

* As a follow through, I think it is REALLY IMPORTANT for our kids to brainstorm healthy alternatives to doing drugs to take care of the pain, struggle, and pressure of these high school years. These conversations need to take place at home but I think it would be awesome if they were addressed at Temple Teen Night as well. I envision kids sharing what works for them, giving others new ideas for how to deal with their feelings.

* Finally, I so appreciate that Alex offered to be available any time day or night if the students needed to talk to him. My son was very touched by this and I think he would call him because they made a connection.

So, thanks again for giving our kids sacred opportunities to learn and grow. Please feel free to forward this to Alex as well. I wanted to give him my heart-felt thanks for having the courage to share his personal journey.

A synagogue does many things - from studying Torah to Celebrating B'nai Mitzvah. I think the synagogue really shines, however, when it becomes a place of connection, where people help each other walk down the challenging journey we call "life".

Alex, fresh off a perilous journey, back on the straight path, did just that. And so we hope -- we know -- that there are a group of tens out there who just may be a little more prepared to defend themselves from the seductive pull of booze and drugs. Now that's something to celebrate!

Just What did God Say at Mt. Sinai?

An argument broke out at the temple. A bunch of people approached the rabbi inquiring, "Just what did God say to Moses at Mt. Sinai?"

One group was sure that God gave Moses the whole Torah, reciting every single word. That is what they see whenever the rabbi dressed up as Moses, carrying the Torah down the hill at Seder in the Wilderness congregational retreat.

Another group thought that was preposterous because why would God tell Moses when Moses will die and exactly what would happen afterward. They decreed that Moses must only have been told the Ten Commandments. After all, that's what Cecil B. DeMille depicted as Charlton Heston walked down the mountain.

A third group recalled a teacher saying that God only spoke the first commandment, "Ani Adonai Elohecha asher hotzeiticha mi-eretz Mitzrayim mibeit avadim - I am the Eternal your God, who led you out of Egypt, from the house of bondage."

One Jewish day school graduate said that he heard that God spoke only the first word of the first commandment, "Anochi - I (am)".

I said that my teacher believed that God only spoke the first letter, Aleph, of the first word of the first commandment of the Ten Commandments, whose sound is silence.

Which is it Rabbi?
The people were perplexed. "Which is it, rabbi," they wanted to know? What is the correct answer?"

I responded that since I was not there physically (though we all were spiritually present at Mt. Sinai according to the Jewish myth). So we have to closely read Torah which isn't definitive. That is why the rabbis argue amongst themselves.

I think that each answer leads us to Truth:

From the idea that God just said Aleph, we learn that in silence, we can hear/experience God's reality.

From the argument that God spoke just one word, "Anochi - I (am)", then we learn that God is Existence, and that God exists as really and fully as do each of us.

From the notion that God said only the first commandment - that God took us out of Egypt from slavery, we learn that to be a Jew is to live a life that brings into the world the qualities of compassion and justice.

From the teaching that God spoke all Ten Commandments, we understand that these ten point us in the right direction, the beginning of our path toward holiness and ethical living.

And if God spoke every word of Torah, we can listen to any parasha, story, verse or word (or any of the 603,550 letters of Torah) and in it we can hear a hint of God's Being.

Which is truth?
Each answer leads us to Truth. Many paths to the basic teachings of Jewish living.

Or Ami Chorale Sings Cantor Doug Cotler's Shalom Aleichem

Cantor Doug Cotler's Shalom Aleichem as sung by the Or Ami Chorale.
What a Beautiful Shabbat.

 
Shalom Aleichem from Michael G. Kaplan on Vimeo.
You may also follow this link.

Reform Movement Speaks Up as Komen De-funds Planned Parenthood

Recently, Susan G. Komen for the Cure announced it would cease all funding to Planned Parenthood Federation of America. 

I signed a letter asking the organization to reconsider and sharing my own disappointment and anger.  This resulted from the most cynical gamesmanship and election year politics.  

I am pleased that the Union for Reform Judaism's leadership, Rabbi David Saperstein, Director of the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, and Rabbi Marla Feldman, Executive Director of Women of Reform Judaism, sent the following letter to Ambassador Nancy Brinker, Komen’s founder and CEO:

Dear Ambassador Brinker, 

On behalf of the Union for Reform Judaism whose 900 congregations across North America encompass 1.5 million Reform Jews, the Central Conference of American Rabbis, with membership of more than 1800 Reform rabbis, and the Women of Reform Judaism, which represents more than 65,000 women in nearly 500 women’s groups in North America and around the world, we write to express our disappointment in Susan G. Komen for the Cure’s decision to halt its longstanding partnership with Planned Parenthood Federation of America, thereby withholding funds to fight breast cancer where they are most needed. 

Komen for the Cure has helped hundreds of thousands of women in the fight against breast cancer, and has educated millions, bringing the once taboo and closeted subject of breast cancer into the public domain. Indeed, the global impact that you and Komen for the Cure have had was precisely why we were so pleased to bestow upon you the Eisendrath Bearer of Light Award at our recent Biennial convention. And this is why we are so deeply disappointed by Komen’s decision to cease funding mammograms provided by PPFA in the face of a politically-motivated investigation unrelated to PPFA’s breast cancer screenings for vulnerable women. 

At the same December Biennial, the Women of Reform Judaism honored PPFA President Cecile Richards and applauded PPFA’s work to advance women’s health. It is painful for us now to see politics and partisanship interfere with and undermine efforts to support women who lack the resources they need for preventive medical services like mammograms. Each year Planned Parenthood’s network of more than 800 clinics nationwide provides nearly 830,000 breast exams. PPFA has stated that, over the past five years, 170,000 of the centers’ 4 million breast exams conducted were a direct result of Komen grants. Halting Komen grant money to PPFA is contrary to your organization’s mission and interests, directly and unfairly threatening the health and safety of women. 

Upon accepting the Eisendrath Bearer of Light Award, you told the story of two women, one Palestinian and one Israeli, marching together to combat breast cancer in the first Race for the Cure in Israel. You explained with admiration that, in the course of the walk, they were able to forget the political climate that divided them and they bonded instead over the common cause of women’s health. We now urge Komen to follow their example by rejecting efforts to sow division among women’s health advocates and providers and refusing to sacrifice the lives of women on the altar of political ideology. 

We understand that this funding decision comes from a new standard employed by Komen for the Cure that defunds organizations under government investigation. While we understand the desire to have an objective policy in place, this particular standard is misguided, threatening more than just grants to PPFA. We believe there are less partisan ways to accomplish your goals. For example, a standard that is linked to investigations carried out by law enforcement is more likely to be free of partisanship. The standard that Komen has established allows Komen’s funding decisions to be dictated by the political whims, partisanship and pet issues of individual members of Congress, who persuade their committees to launch an investigation.  This new standard may appear to extricate Komen from politicization, yet in reality it leaves the group open to even greater politicization. 

We urge you to use your leadership in Komen for the Cure to reinstate funding to PPFA for breast cancer screening, to reconsider the standard by which the organization makes funding decisions, and to continue to fight for the health and lives of women everywhere. 

We look forward to your prompt reply. 

Sincerely, 

Rabbi David Saperstein, Director of the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism
Rabbi Marla Feldman, Executive Director of the Women of Reform Judaism

You may share your own disappointment, anger or concern in many places.  Note that this action is caught up in election year politics, the politics surrounding a women's right to choice, anti-abortion movement and more.  One place to share your concern is here.

Moses Wasn't a White Boy

I love the look on the faces of our students when I point out to them that Moses could not have had the pinkish white skin that I have. First their brows furrow, then they go wide, then they smile with understanding and agreement.

Since Moses descended from people born in Canaan (with ancestry harkening back to Ur, near the intersection of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers) and he grew up under the hot Egyptian sun. His skin had to be significantly darker than your average caucasian. That means that Cecil B. DeMille got it wrong casting Charlton Heston as Moses, at least with regards to skin color.

Not that skin color should matter. Often - too often - it seems to matter. Especially in Jewish life. But it shouldn't.

Introducing Be'chol Lashon, Celebrating the Mosaic of Jewish Life 
Thankfully, there exists an incredible organization, Be'chol Lashon (In Every Tongue) which "grows and strengthens the Jewish people through ethnic, cultural, and racial inclusiveness. They advocate for the diversity that has characterized the Jewish people throughout history, and through contemporary forces including intermarriage, conversion and adoption. And they foster an expanding Jewish community that embraces its differences."

Be'chol Lashon's monthly eNewsletter overflows with insights, news, arts and culture, and a plethora of programs and events. They run kids and family camp, send out speakers, and encourage creative mitzvah projects.  Be'chol Lashon reminds us of the fact that Jewish community has always been a mosaic.

Or Ami Has a Multicultural/Multiracial/Multiethnic Webpage
At Congregation Or Ami (as our "Multicultural/Multiracial" webpage declares),

We celebrate that Judaism has always been mosaic, a beautiful collection of different colored and shaped pieces. We are also "Mosaic" in that we connect back to Moses, a Hebrew child, raised by Egyptians, who married a non-Jewish woman of color and became the leader of his people. We rejoice that at least 20% of the Jewish population is racially and ethnically diverse, including African, African American, Latino (Hispanic), Asian, Native American, Sephardic, Mizrahi and mixed-race Jews by heritage, adoption, and marriage. Recognizing that we are all created b'tzelem Elohim, in the image of God, we are pleased to welcome the multicultural/multiracial/multiethnic Jewish individuals, couples and families in our community. 

Some couples that begin with two individuals from different backgrounds need to integrate separate lives into one family. Some families adopting a child from a different culture look to celebrate all parts of the child’s mosaic. Individual Jews, raised in multicultural homes, strive to be accepted as Jews, no questions asked. Remember: you are not alone. 

Congregation Or Ami, our Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Cantor Doug Cotler, Rabbi Julia Weisz and our Reform Jewish movement, welcome you. Congregation Or Ami is already proud to be a home congregation for many multiethnic, multiracial and multicultural individuals, couples and families, and we welcome you to share in the warmth of our community. We invite you to begin a conversation with Rabbi Kipnes to share your hopes or questions about being part of Or Ami. 

Congregation Or Ami offers individuals and couples who connect to multiple cultures, races and/or ethnic groups the opportunity to explore their Judaism in a warm, welcoming environment. We work to empower people to make Jewish choices for themselves and their families and we strive to provide resources to inform educated decisions. We strive to be a welcoming place for people of diverse religious backgrounds, sexual orientations, and ethnic, racial and cultural backgrounds. We invite you to begin a conversation with Rabbi Kipnes to share your hopes or questions about being a multicultural, multiethnic and/or multiracial individual or family at Or Ami.
[Note: It is quite possible that much of this language was borrowed from Be'chol Lashon publications.] 

So let's celebrate: our Jews and Jewish families of all colors, racial or ethnic backgrounds, and cultural connections. You make our mosaic ever more colorful, engaging and interesting.

Tell Your Non-Caucasian Jewish Friends
Check out Be'chol Lashon, and share it, especially, with your non-caucasian Jewish friends. Check out:

• The latest newsletter
• Their website
• And give them your support.

And may our synagogues, and federations, and organizations, and schools, and individual Jews, remember the truth: that mosaics are way more interesting when they are made up of all different colors, shapes and sizes.

MY Best Day, Hanging with Dan Nichols

My son Noah, 9th grader at New Community Jewish High School and avid NFTYite and Camp Newman alum, is guest blogging about his day with Dan Nichols:

Wow, what a day. I started off doing homework so I cold devote my day to hanging with [Jewish singer] Dan Nichols. 

My mom and I picked Dan up at LAX and drove him over to visit Craig Taubman at his home. It was a gathering of singer-songwriters. It was awesome. We met one musician, Billy Jonas, who along with Craig, were two of Dan's inspirations. Then back home where I set up Dan on my mom's MacBook so he could get his beloved aisle seat on the plane flying home. 

We hung, schmoozed and snacked. 

Then off to Congregation Or Ami where Dan played an amazing concert. 120 of us gathered to sing along with old hits and new ones. LoMPTYites and other NFTYites joined parents and HUC students. What a concert. 

The night ended with an awesome havdala led by Dan, guest songleader Adam Gould, and various members of LoMPTY and the NFTY SoCal board. It was a great night!

Did you attend the Dan Nichols concert? What did you like best?

"You All Are Going to Die," Said the Rabbi to the 3rd-6th Graders. Appropriate or Not?

"You all are going to die!" said the rabbi to his 3rd thru 6th grade students. It was all part of a day of death and dying at Congregation Or Ami's Mishpacha Learning session.

While Rabbi Julia Weisz walked parents through the Jewish rituals and ideas about death and mourning and Cantor Doug Cotler taught Jewish songs to other students which explored Jewish ideas about life and loss, I - Rabbi Paul Kipnes - had the unenviable task to walking young students thru the realities of life, namely, that we are all going to die.

A Story...
There's a rabbinic tale about a most powerful king who commanded the community's rabbi to bless him with Judaism's best blessing. Began the rabbi, "May you die. May your son die. And may your grandson die." The king became apoplectic, barking, "How dare you...", at which the rabbi continued, "...in that order."

This story articulates three long held truths about death:

• That everyone will die. 
• That we hope that the older generation dies before its descendants. 
• That, while each loss is painful, the death of a child or grandchild is even more painful. 

Accepting (at least for the remainder of the class) that death is inevitable, the students and I shared thoughts about what happens after we die, a theme introduced in Cantor Doug Cotler's song, Nefesh. We talked about what the nefesh (soul) is or might be. We talked about Jewish ideas about how the soul returns to the Eternal Soul of the universe, what some call "God." We considered diverse Jewish beliefs, from the belief that the soul dies with the body to the Kabbalist/mystic teaching that the soul is reincarnated (gilgul hanefesh) after death.

Lighting Candles to See into the Soul
We spent much time analyzing Jewish belief that we live on within future generations. I took out a pair of candles. I asked students to watch closely. Using one lit candle to light another candle, I then blew out the first candle and asked, "what happened to the flame?" Most said it disappeared. So I used the lit candle to again light another candle and then blew out the first. "What happened to the first flame," I again asked?

One student intuited the lesson: "Two things happen at once. The flame disappears, and is gone. But also, the flame lives on in the second candle." That's my teaching.

From the flame that disappears, we learn that upon our deaths, part of our soul is gone, returning to the Eternal Soul of the universe. From the flame that continues to burn upon the candle it lit previously, we learn that our soul lives on in the lives of our biological children and our adopted children (Talmud explains that one who teaches a child is as important as his biological parent). Our soul also lives on - in a sense, we gain immortality - through the lives of those whose lives we enriched by our teaching, and those who we help with tzedakah and gemilut chasadim (acts of loving kindness).

Our Soul Lives on After Us
So just as our biology overcomes death when we pass on our DNA to our children, so too our soul passes in part to those who borne to or touched by us.

Heady stuff for kids who can barely contemplate the truth of "you are all gonna die." We hope these conversations helped the students begin to deal with death, as did the round robin stations created by HUC-JIR interns Lisa Berney and Sarah Lauing, which investigated Jewish mourning customs.

You see, at Congregation Or Ami we strive to teach about all issues, even the most difficult, even when the mere thought of them make us uncomfortable. Because that is what Judaism should be about - helping us face, with courage, strength and holiness, the challenging moments of life.