Or Am I?

Reform Movement Speaks Up as Komen De-funds Planned Parenthood

2012-02-01T13:25:00.000-08:00

Recently, Susan G. Komen for the Cure announced it would cease all funding to Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

I signed a letter asking the organization to reconsider and sharing my own disappointment and anger. This resulted from the most cynical gamesmanship and election year politics.

I am pleased that the Union for Reform Judaism's leadership, Rabbi David Saperstein, Director of the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, and Rabbi Marla Feldman, Executive Director of Women of Reform Judaism, sent the following letter to Ambassador Nancy Brinker, Komen’s founder and CEO:

Dear Ambassador Brinker,

On behalf of the Union for Reform Judaism whose 900 congregations across North America encompass 1.5 million Reform Jews, the Central Conference of American Rabbis, with membership of more than 1800 Reform rabbis, and the Women of Reform Judaism, which represents more than 65,000 women in nearly 500 women’s groups in North America and around the world, we write to express our disappointment in Susan G. Komen for the Cure’s decision to halt its longstanding partnership with Planned Parenthood Federation of America, thereby withholding funds to fight breast cancer where they are most needed.

Komen for the Cure has helped hundreds of thousands of women in the fight against breast cancer, and has educated millions, bringing the once taboo and closeted subject of breast cancer into the public domain. Indeed, the global impact that you and Komen for the Cure have had was precisely why we were so pleased to bestow upon you the Eisendrath Bearer of Light Award at our recent Biennial convention. And this is why we are so deeply disappointed by Komen’s decision to cease funding mammograms provided by PPFA in the face of a politically-motivated investigation unrelated to PPFA’s breast cancer screenings for vulnerable women.

At the same December Biennial, the Women of Reform Judaism honored PPFA President Cecile Richards and applauded PPFA’s work to advance women’s health. It is painful for us now to see politics and partisanship interfere with and undermine efforts to support women who lack the resources they need for preventive medical services like mammograms. Each year Planned Parenthood’s network of more than 800 clinics nationwide provides nearly 830,000 breast exams. PPFA has stated that, over the past five years, 170,000 of the centers’ 4 million breast exams conducted were a direct result of Komen grants. Halting Komen grant money to PPFA is contrary to your organization’s mission and interests, directly and unfairly threatening the health and safety of women.

Upon accepting the Eisendrath Bearer of Light Award, you told the story of two women, one Palestinian and one Israeli, marching together to combat breast cancer in the first Race for the Cure in Israel. You explained with admiration that, in the course of the walk, they were able to forget the political climate that divided them and they bonded instead over the common cause of women’s health. We now urge Komen to follow their example by rejecting efforts to sow division among women’s health advocates and providers and refusing to sacrifice the lives of women on the altar of political ideology.

We understand that this funding decision comes from a new standard employed by Komen for the Cure that defunds organizations under government investigation. While we understand the desire to have an objective policy in place, this particular standard is misguided, threatening more than just grants to PPFA. We believe there are less partisan ways to accomplish your goals. For example, a standard that is linked to investigations carried out by law enforcement is more likely to be free of partisanship. The standard that Komen has established allows Komen’s funding decisions to be dictated by the political whims, partisanship and pet issues of individual members of Congress, who persuade their committees to launch an investigation. This new standard may appear to extricate Komen from politicization, yet in reality it leaves the group open to even greater politicization.

We urge you to use your leadership in Komen for the Cure to reinstate funding to PPFA for breast cancer screening, to reconsider the standard by which the organization makes funding decisions, and to continue to fight for the health and lives of women everywhere.

We look forward to your prompt reply.

Sincerely,

Rabbi David Saperstein, Director of the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism
Rabbi Marla Feldman, Executive Director of the Women of Reform Judaism

You may share your own disappointment, anger or concern in many places. Note that this action is caught up in election year politics, the politics surrounding a women's right to choice, anti-abortion movement and more. One place to share your concern is here.

Moses Wasn't a White Boy

2012-01-31T21:33:00.000-08:00

I love the look on the faces of our students when I point out to them that Moses could not have had the pinkish white skin that I have. First their brows furrow, then they go wide, then they smile with understanding and agreement.

Since Moses descended from people born in Canaan (with ancestry harkening back to Ur, near the intersection of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers) and he grew up under the hot Egyptian sun. His skin had to be significantly darker than your average caucasian. That means that Cecil B. DeMille got it wrong casting Charlton Heston as Moses, at least with regards to skin color.

Not that skin color should matter. Often - too often - it seems to matter. Especially in Jewish life. But it shouldn't.

Introducing Be'chol Lashon, Celebrating the Mosaic of Jewish Life
Thankfully, there exists an incredible organization, Be'chol Lashon (In Every Tongue) which "grows and strengthens the Jewish people through ethnic, cultural, and racial inclusiveness. They advocate for the diversity that has characterized the Jewish people throughout history, and through contemporary forces including intermarriage, conversion and adoption. And they foster an expanding Jewish community that embraces its differences."

Be'chol Lashon's monthly eNewsletter overflows with insights, news, arts and culture, and a plethora of programs and events. They run kids and family camp, send out speakers, and encourage creative mitzvah projects. Be'chol Lashon reminds us of the fact that Jewish community has always been a mosaic.

Or Ami Has a Multicultural/Multiracial/Multiethnic Webpage
At Congregation Or Ami (as our "Multicultural/Multiracial" webpage declares),

We celebrate that Judaism has always been mosaic, a beautiful collection of different colored and shaped pieces. We are also "Mosaic" in that we connect back to Moses, a Hebrew child, raised by Egyptians, who married a non-Jewish woman of color and became the leader of his people. We rejoice that at least 20% of the Jewish population is racially and ethnically diverse, including African, African American, Latino (Hispanic), Asian, Native American, Sephardic, Mizrahi and mixed-race Jews by heritage, adoption, and marriage. Recognizing that we are all created b'tzelem Elohim, in the image of God, we are pleased to welcome the multicultural/multiracial/multiethnic Jewish individuals, couples and families in our community.

Some couples that begin with two individuals from different backgrounds need to integrate separate lives into one family. Some families adopting a child from a different culture look to celebrate all parts of the child’s mosaic. Individual Jews, raised in multicultural homes, strive to be accepted as Jews, no questions asked. Remember: you are not alone.

Congregation Or Ami, our Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Cantor Doug Cotler, Rabbi Julia Weisz and our Reform Jewish movement, welcome you. Congregation Or Ami is already proud to be a home congregation for many multiethnic, multiracial and multicultural individuals, couples and families, and we welcome you to share in the warmth of our community. We invite you to begin a conversation with Rabbi Kipnes to share your hopes or questions about being part of Or Ami.

Congregation Or Ami offers individuals and couples who connect to multiple cultures, races and/or ethnic groups the opportunity to explore their Judaism in a warm, welcoming environment. We work to empower people to make Jewish choices for themselves and their families and we strive to provide resources to inform educated decisions. We strive to be a welcoming place for people of diverse religious backgrounds, sexual orientations, and ethnic, racial and cultural backgrounds. We invite you to begin a conversation with Rabbi Kipnes to share your hopes or questions about being a multicultural, multiethnic and/or multiracial individual or family at Or Ami.
[Note: It is quite possible that much of this language was borrowed from Be'chol Lashon publications.]

So let's celebrate: our Jews and Jewish families of all colors, racial or ethnic backgrounds, and cultural connections. You make our mosaic ever more colorful, engaging and interesting.

Tell Your Non-Caucasian Jewish Friends
Check out Be'chol Lashon, and share it, especially, with your non-caucasian Jewish friends. Check out:

The latest newsletter
Their website
And give them your support.

And may our synagogues, and federations, and organizations, and schools, and individual Jews, remember the truth: that mosaics are way more interesting when they are made up of all different colors, shapes and sizes.

MY Best Day, Hanging with Dan Nichols

2012-01-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

My son Noah, 9th grader at New Community Jewish High School and avid NFTYite and Camp Newman alum, is guest blogging about his day with Dan Nichols:

Wow, what a day.I started off doing homework so I cold devote my day to hanging with [Jewish singer] Dan Nichols.

My mom and I picked Dan up at LAX and drove him over to visit Craig Taubman at his home. It was a gathering of singer-songwriters. It was awesome. We met one musician, Billy Jonas, who along with Craig, were two of Dan's inspirations.Then back home where I set up Dan on my mom's MacBook so he could get his beloved aisle seat on the plane flying home.

We hung, schmoozed and snacked.

Then off to Congregation Or Ami where Dan played an amazing concert. 120 of us gathered to sing along with old hits and new ones. LoMPTYites and other NFTYites joined parents and HUC students. What a concert.

The night ended with an awesome havdala led by Dan, guest songleader Adam Gould, and various members of LoMPTY and the NFTY SoCal board. It was a great night!

Did you attend the Dan Nichols concert? What did you like best?

"You All Are Going to Die," Said the Rabbi to the 3rd-6th Graders. Appropriate or Not?

2012-01-29T14:34:00.000-08:00

"You all are going to die!" said the rabbi to his 3rd thru 6th grade students. It was all part of a day of death and dying at Congregation Or Ami's Mishpacha Learning session.

While Rabbi Julia Weisz walked parents through the Jewish rituals and ideas about death and mourning and Cantor Doug Cotler taught Jewish songs to other students which explored Jewish ideas about life and loss, I - Rabbi Paul Kipnes - had the unenviable task to walking young students thru the realities of life, namely, that we are all going to die.

A Story...
There's a rabbinic tale about a most powerful king who commanded the community's rabbi to bless him with Judaism's best blessing. Began the rabbi, "May you die. May your son die. And may your grandson die." The king became apoplectic, barking, "How dare you...", at which the rabbi continued, "...in that order."

This story articulates three long held truths about death:

That everyone will die.
That we hope that the older generation dies before its descendants.
That, while each loss is painful, the death of a child or grandchild is even more painful.

Accepting (at least for the remainder of the class) that death is inevitable, the students and I shared thoughts about what happens after we die, a theme introduced in Cantor Doug Cotler's song, Nefesh. We talked about what the nefesh (soul) is or might be. We talked about Jewish ideas about how the soul returns to the Eternal Soul of the universe, what some call "God." We considered diverse Jewish beliefs, from the belief that the soul dies with the body to the Kabbalist/mystic teaching that the soul is reincarnated (gilgul hanefesh) after death.

Lighting Candles to See into the Soul
We spent much time analyzing Jewish belief that we live on within future generations. I took out a pair of candles. I asked students to watch closely. Using one lit candle to light another candle, I then blew out the first candle and asked, "what happened to the flame?" Most said it disappeared. So I used the lit candle to again light another candle and then blew out the first. "What happened to the first flame," I again asked?

One student intuited the lesson: "Two things happen at once. The flame disappears, and is gone. But also, the flame lives on in the second candle." That's my teaching.

From the flame that disappears, we learn that upon our deaths, part of our soul is gone, returning to the Eternal Soul of the universe. From the flame that continues to burn upon the candle it lit previously, we learn that our soul lives on in the lives of our biological children and our adopted children (Talmud explains that one who teaches a child is as important as his biological parent). Our soul also lives on - in a sense, we gain immortality - through the lives of those whose lives we enriched by our teaching, and those who we help with tzedakah and gemilut chasadim (acts of loving kindness).

Our Soul Lives on After Us
So just as our biology overcomes death when we pass on our DNA to our children, so too our soul passes in part to those who borne to or touched by us.

Heady stuff for kids who can barely contemplate the truth of "you are all gonna die." We hope these conversations helped the students begin to deal with death, as did the round robin stations created by HUC-JIR interns Lisa Berney and Sarah Lauing, which investigated Jewish mourning customs.

You see, at Congregation Or Ami we strive to teach about all issues, even the most difficult, even when the mere thought of them make us uncomfortable. Because that is what Judaism should be about - helping us face, with courage, strength and holiness, the challenging moments of life.

What Does Being "Pro-Israel" Look Like: A Dozen or More Diverse Answers

2012-01-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when we argue about heartfelt subjects, we discuss them with a sense of mutual respect and of eilu v'eilu divrei Elohim chayim (both of these opinions are for the sake of Heaven). At other times, when the stakes seem so high, we become convinced that our way is the right way, the blessed way, the only way. The positions of others are deemed heretical, unpatriotic, blasphemous.

Such is what has happened to the discourse about Israel in parts of the American Jewish community. Fly over to Israel (or read the editorials in Israeli papers Ma'ariv, Yedidot Achronot and Ha'aretz - as well as on a host of Israeli blogs) and you will discover passionate debate that far overshadows ours here in the United States. Not long ago, I wrote about this example of American Jewish hypocrisy in my post, Blasphemers No More. [Truth be told, even in Israel some resort to name calling or worse: see Prime Minister Netanyahu's calling Ha'aretz an "enemy of Israel."]

Now comes a breath of fresh air from Moment Magazine, offering a wide variety of opinions about what it means to be pro-Israel. We read perspectives from Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist, Orthodox and Secular leaders, from supporters of AIPAC, J-Street, WZO and others, from people all over the spectrum. Left, right, center, up, down and more.

What's beautiful about Moment's symposium is that is represents what I believe is the mainstream Jewish perspective: that there is a spectrum of ways to be pro-Israel, far more than we often admit. Read Morton Klein, Peter Beinart, Anat Hoffman, Jeremy Ben-Ami, Laura Novak Winer, Martin Peretz, Judea Pearl and others.

Let this article be a reminder that Ohavei Yisrael, lovers of Israel, come in various sizes, shapes and a multiplicity of perspectives. We in the organized Jewish community need to be careful about slandering each other by calling one opinion "anti-Israel," "self-hating Jew," or the like. While some opinions fall outside acceptable boundaries - support for BDS for one - most of the rest should be part of robust discussion in our communities, on our pulpits and on our campuses.

May robust discussions continue to flourish.

Thanks, Roe v. Wade: You Are One of the Best Things to Happen in my Life

2012-01-22T17:39:00.001-08:00

Happy anniversary Roe v. Wade. You are one of the best things that happened in my life!

Yes, today is the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the landmark Supreme Court ruling. On January 22, 1973, the Supreme Court said, in simple terms, that women have a constitutional right to privacy to make decisions about whether to have an abortion. Because this decision involves moral as well as medical considerations, the Court ruled, a woman has the right to consider her personal circumstances and the dictates of her conscience.

Life Before Roe v. Wade
Before Roe v. Wade enshrined the right to privacy into law, and with it a woman's right to an abortion, America was an even more dangerous place for women - our wives, our daughters, and especially those who lived in the less affluent parts of this country.

Before Roe v. Wade, a woman needing to terminate a pregnancy turned down down dark alleys or into unsanitary "operating rooms" to do what needed to be done. It didn't matter if the mother's life was in danger, or if some guy raped her, or if a family member incestuously forced himself on her, abortion was not available to her. Too many faced ostracism by their families. Too many died from medical procedures gone bad.

Before Roe v. Wade, our country forced upon us all - Jews included - a Christian moral perspective which was at odds with our own Jewish tradition. The tyranny of the majority, it was.

When Does Life Begin, for Jews?
You see, for Jews, life does not begin at conception, as Christian theology would have us believe. Jewish biblical scholars have long read the verses from Exodus in the Bible very differently.

Exodus 21:22-25 says:

And if men who are fighting together, and hurt a pregnant woman, so that her fruit departs, and yet no harm follows, the offender shall be surely fined, according as the woman's husband demands, and he shall pay as the judges determine. But if any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

For us Jews, plainly speaking a fetus is not a life. We read the distinction the Torah makes between "a life for a life," and "the offender shall surely be fined," and understand that since the offender has to pay a fine when he causes the loss of the fetus (by miscarriage or spontaneous abortion), this indicates that the fetus is not considered a life.

Why? Simple. Had the fetus been considered by Torah to be a life, the offender would have been required to give up his own life. as Torah teaches, "a life for a life.". Later scholars argue about precisely when life begins. Many follow the teaching that life begins when the head comes out of the mother's body.

In Some Cases, Abortion is Required
If we read further in later Jewish texts, we learn that there are cases where an abortion is required: when the fetus is endangering the mother's life (Mishnah Ohalot 7:.8). And we learn that abortion is permitted whenever carrying the fetus to term would cause "ka-eiv gadol," great pain (Responsa by Rabbi Jacob Emden).

So for Jews, making abortion illegal would force Jews to transgress the moral laws of our tradition. In the case of a mother whose life is threatened by the fetus, Jewish tradition requires that abortion be available

For Jews, making abortion illegal would limit the moral options for a pregnant Jewish girl. Without an option for safe, accessible, and legal abortion Jews lose their religious freedom to follow our tradition's moral teachings.

In the Land of Religious Freedom, Jews Should not be Subjected To Christian Morality when it Conflicts with Ours
Why should the Christian view of when life begins receive preferential legal status to our Jewish view? Choice, as the law of the land, allows each religious group to follow its own tradition.

So happy anniversary Roe v. Wade. You are one of the best things that happened in my life!

Since you were enacted, we fathers have once less thing to worry about if our children face an unplanned or dangerous pregnancy.

Since you were enacted, we parents have once less thing to worry about concerning what kind of medical attention our children receive (because it seems that those who oppose choice also seem to be in the opposition when it comes to all sorts of other women-specific medical treatment for women.)

Protecting My Kids and Yours
I have three children of my own and hundreds who are "my kids" by virtue of being members of our synagogue or my campers at our Jewish summer camp. There is plenty enough to worry about without adding back alley abortions.

So thanks Roe v. Wade. You made life safer for our children.

And you ensured that the teachings of our Jewish tradition are honored too.

Andrew Adler Should be Arrested, Tried and Jailed

2012-01-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

Late yesterday I came upon an article in Haaretz which described the controversy surrounding the editorial written by the owner and publisher of the Atlanta Jewish Times, Andrew Adler. As reported in Haaretz, Adler write vile words:

The owner and publisher of the Atlanta Jewish Times, Andrew Adler, has suggested that Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu consider ordering a Mossad hit team to assassinate U.S. President Barack Obama so that his successor will defend Israel against Iran.

Adler, who has since apologized for his article, listed three options for Israel to counter Iran’s nuclear weapons in an article published in his newspaper last Friday. The first is to launch a pre-emptive strike against Hamas and Hezbollah, the second is to attack Iran’s nuclear facilities and the third is to “give the go-ahead for U.S.-based Mossad agents to take out a president deemed unfriendly to Israel in order for the current vice president to take his place and forcefully dictate that the United States’ policy includes its helping the Jewish state obliterate its enemies.”

Haaretz blogger Chemi Shalev writes:

The three or four infantile paragraphs of vile text that Adler published in his obscure Atlanta newspaper last week, in which he suggested that Israel consider assassinating President Obama, almost slipped under the radar, but was picked up yesterday by Gawker.com, and is now going viral. “A fool may throw a stone into a well which even a hundred wise men cannot pull out”, the saying goes, and it will indeed take a long time and a great effort to undo the damage that Adler has wrought, in one fell swoop, in defaming Israel by implying that it might, in anyone’s wildest dreams, consider such a kooky conspiracy; in staining American Jews by appearing to supposedly represent their twisted way of thinking; and even by undermining the institution of Jewish journalism by exposing that it harbors such birdbrained bozos in its midst.

How do we, American Jews, respond to Adler's article - even after he apologized?

My response is simple: Adler should be arrested for incitement and tried. His 3rd suggestion is far worse than "idiotic" as his multiple apologies noted. They were words that incite. They reduce arguments over the relationship between America and Israel - between Obama and Netanyahu - to sewer-talk, or worse, to incitements to violence.

We Jews know that America is our home, and that Barak Obama is our president. Adler's words are wrong, dangerous, offensive to all Americans and all Jews. There is no apology that can remove the damage. There is no way to excuse these words.

I look forward to hearing that all the major organizations of American Jewish life have denounced Adler's editorial. Abraham Foxman of the ADL denounced it, saying:

There is absolutely no excuse, no justification, no rationalization for this kind of rhetoric. It doesn't even belong in fiction. These are irresponsible and extremist words. It is outrageous and beyond the pale. An apology cannot possibly repair the damage. Irresponsible rhetoric metastasizes into more dangerous rhetoric. The ideas expressed in Mr. Adler's column reflect some of the extremist rhetoric that unfortunately exists -- even in some segments of our community -- that maliciously labels President Obama as an 'enemy of the Jewish people.' Mr. Adler's lack of judgment as a publisher, editor and columnist raises serious questions as to whether he's fit to run a newspaper.

So again I say, Andrew Adler should be arrested and tried for incitement against the President. And the American Jewish community should support the arrest and call for his punishment and jailing.

Not because the words embarrass us. Not because they make us uncomfortable. But because they are wrong, dangerous, extremist, unAmerican, unJewish, and maliciously unrepresentative about how American Jews feel about America and about President Obama.

Most Parents Monitor Their Kids' Facebook, and You Should Too!

2012-01-14T12:45:00.000-08:00

Most parents (especially of younger children) are on Facebook, monitor their kids' Facebook pages, and even have their passwords. We insisted that our kids "friend" us and provide us with the widest access to their Facebook feeds. This allowed us to monitor their use during homework (and bedtime), and to ensure they were being "appropriate." The following graphic reveals the results of a significant survey of parental use of Facebook. Read the full article here.

Click here to view the graphic.

Bruce Springsteen, Dan Nichols and Electrifying Music

2012-01-13T00:09:00.000-08:00

Bruce Springsteen, Dan Nichols and Electrifying Music

Not long ago, Michelle and I listened to Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in concert at the LA Sports Arena. The music was incredible, creating an intensity of experience that was unsurpassed. Although we had great seats, we walked around, taking in different vibes in different parts of the Arena.

Our favorite place was right behind the stage, where we joined the undulating concertgoers, dancing with the music, singing along. I remember it feeling electric; the music transporting us to a higher plane of awareness and connection (no booze or drugs involved!).

Music is like that. Electrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating. Music can transport us to higher planes of existence. I notice it whenever we go to a concert. Or go dancing. When just sitting in the sanctuary listening to Cantor Cotler when he is in the groove.

Music is Intoxicating for Youth
There is nothing like watching young people sing and dance to music. As much as we adults are moved by music, our kids are brought to another even higher level by their music. Sometimes I peek at them and their friends as they lose themselves in whatever music is streaming out of their iTunes, Pandora or...

Our Jewish youth movements have long recognized that if we want to our teens to connect with Judaism, we need to provide ample opportunities to connect with great music. Their music. Only with a Jewish twist.

Cantor Doug Cotler does it for generations as he invests contemporary melodies with Jewish tropes. When the late Debbie Friedman first took the music of the 70's generation and set Jewish words to the tunes, she transformed Jewish teen experience forever. Today people like Dan Nichols, Julie Silver, Rick Recht and others are doing the same for today's teens. There is even Jewish Rock Radio, streaming Jewish rock/pop/rap/grunge/punk, now listened to by Jewish teens all over the country.

Connecting Teens Thru Music
If you want your kids to connect Jewishly, bring them to a Jewish Rock Concert. Watch them interact with their peers, even those they don't know, as the music transforms them and transports them.

That's why on January 28, a Saturday night at 7:30 pm, Or Ami is bringing nationally known Jewish rock musician Dan Nichols to Or Ami for a Jewish rock concert. Our teens in LoMPTY and their peers throughout NFTY Southern California, as well as their friends who attend Camp Newman, Hess Kramer, Hilltop, JCA Shalom, and Alonim are beside themselves with excitement for this Jewish rock concert. Teens are planning to stream in from all over southern California.

[Watch Cantor Doug Cotler and Dan Nichols sing together.

Watch Dan Nichols singing Redemption.]

A Mosh Pit in the Sanctuary
So we invite you to connect or reconnect your kid to Judaism and Or Ami in a uniquely energetic way. Bring them (yes, you should attend but like me will sit toward the back and sides, while the kids are in a mosh pit in the center of the sanctuary). The concert is appropriate for all ages, but every 6th-12th grader should be at or Ami for that 1+ hour experience. Adults should come too.

Tickets are only $10.00 ahead of time (reserve yours online here) or $15.00 at the door. Seats will sell out, so reserve yours now. Reserve your tickets here.

Music speaks louder than words. Make sure your kids and their friends are at Or Ami for this Jewish Rock Concert.

Andrew's Poem: What It Means to Be A Jew Today

2012-01-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

Andrew's Poem from Tracie Karasik on Vimeo.

Israeli Breakthroughs in 2011: Prepare to be Impressed!

2012-01-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

Want to be impressed by the achievements of a little country in the Mideast? Check out this review, by the Near East Report, on Israeli Breakthroughs in 2011. Prepare to be impressed:

---

Israel remains the world’s top investor in R&D as a proportion of its GDP. And, based on its achievements in the fields of medicine, clean energy, high tech and other cutting-edge industries, the investment is paying off.

This year, Prof. Daniel Shechtman won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for his groundbreaking discovery of “quasicrystals.” The Technion professor, who does double duty at Johns Hopkins University and Iowa State, becomes Israel’s 10th Nobel laureate. Kudos to Tel Aviv University Prof. Yosef Shiloh for winning the top cancer research prize from the American Association for Cancer Research (AACR).

Hebrew University Prof. Haim Sompolinsky took home the top prize at the Society for Neuroscience’s annual meeting in the United States. Meanwhile, two Israeli geneticists from the Hebrew University – Aharon Razin and Howard Cedar – were the first Israeli winners of the prestigious Canada Gairdner International Award, presented annually to researchers around the globe for outstanding contributions to medical science.

Howard wasn’t the only family member honored in 2011. His son, Israeli film director Yossi Cedar, won the best screenplay award at the Cannes Film Festival for his picture “Footnote.” Born in New York, Cedar grew up in Jerusalem and has also directed “Beaufort,” which won the Silver Bear at the 2007 Berlin Film Festival and was nominated for an Oscar.

More Hollywood news: The documentary film “Strangers No More,” about a Tel Aviv elementary school that boasts students from 48 countries, won the Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject; the hit Israeli TV series, “Hatufim,” has been remade in America as “Homeland,” which U.S. critics are calling one of the best new shows on television; the Walt Disney Company is partnering with an Israeli cinema chain to build a $160 million amusement park in Haifa; Jewish-American filmmakers Ethan and Joel Coen won the $1 million Dan David Prize, handed out at Tel Aviv University; and American movie icon Leonardo DiCaprio has invested in the Israeli start-up Mobli, whose product allows users to see real-time events that others are watching.

There were plenty of blockbuster deals in 2011 between the United States and Israel. Cornell University and the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology in Haifa won a competition to launch a “super science school” on Roosevelt Island off Manhattan. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg expects the campus to generate as much as $6 billion in economic activity by creating up to 600 new companies and thousands of permanent jobs in its first 30 years of existence.

Apple is purchasing Israel’s Anobit – a global leader of flash storage solutions – for $500 million. Apple has also announced that the tech giant will be opening an R&D center in Israel – its first facility outside of the United States. Apple will join the ranks of companies with R&D centers already in Israel such as Google, IBM, Oracle, Motorola, Microsoft, Dell and Intel, whose new “Sandy Bridge” microprocessor chip – developed at its Haifa R&D facility – was all the rage at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas. And it isn’t only high-tech companies that have decided to establish research facilities in the Jewish state. Barclays, one of the ten largest banking and financial services groups in the world, plans to open an R&D center in Tel Aviv.

Medical patients have new hope thanks to a series of Israeli breakthroughs in 2011. An Israeli drug company is testing a promising vaccine that can kill cancer cells. Another company’s device that combines MRI and ultrasound technologies was cited by TIME Magazine as one of the 50 best inventions of the year. Technion researchers have found a way to reverse the aging process. The FDA has approved the “Rewalk,” a device that helps paralyzed people get back on their feet, featured last year on the TV show “Glee.” A new Tel Aviv University study claimscinnamon can prevent and fight Alzheimer’s. Good news, because the U.S. chain Cinnabon has opened for business in Tel Aviv.

Israel’s medical prowess came in handy this year in coping with humanitarian disasters. The Jewish state was the first foreign country to set up a field hospital in Japan following the earthquake and tsunami in March, and an Israeli humanitarian organization was recognized for its relief efforts in the wake of this disaster.

Finally, other stories that made headlines in 2011: Electric cars went on sale in Israel this summer; NASA’s final space shuttle mission included an Israeli bone cell experiment; Israel opened a 62-km “Gospel Trail” trail from Nazareth to Capernaum for Christian pilgrims to retrace the route of Jesus; the Israel Museum put the complete Dead Sea Scrolls on the Internet, attracting millions of online visitors; two Israeli Arabs represented the country at the Special Olympics in Athens as part of the tennis delegation; the world’s oldest human remains have been found in a cave in Israel; and IDF soldiers delivered a Palestinian baby.

Dear 2012: Can’t wait.

Breathing Through God

2012-01-06T12:51:00.000-08:00

Did you know that when you breathe you are connecting to God? Or you could be if you were aware of what you were doing. Really.

As part of our experimental Jewish Spiritual Journey Facebook Group, one participant asked me, "Does the word SHEMA have something to do with our breath?" I love the question. Here's how I answered him:

Shema absolutely has to do with the breathe because it twice invokes the name we call God, the four letter name Yud Hey Vav Hey which we often pronounce as Adonai. Adonai is just a euphemism for Yud Hey Vav Hey, meaning "my Lord". My Lord was once considered a very high honorific in human society, thus that's what we used to call God (today we would choose something like "Celestial CEO").

But this four letter name of God Yud Hey Vav Hey is really unpronounceable, as it consists of four expulsions of breath from the mouth or throat. Yud occurs back where the hanging thing in the back of your throat is. There is no sound unless combined with a vowel. Try making a "y" sound without a vowel attached. Hey, twice appearing is just the expulsion of breath through the open throat. Unless accompanied by a vowel, it just is the unsounding sound of breath release. Finally, Vav stands for the "O" or "OO", neither of which really make a sound beyond the stop and start of the breath in the mouth.

So when we twice say Yud Hey Vav Hey during the Shema, we are saying that the Breathe that makes no sound IS God, or at least where God resides. God resides in the breathe. God is the breath. That breath is echad, one, the oneness or unity that unites all life and all creation.

So I ask all of you: Do you connect spirituality and/or breathing with Shema? Do you find yourself more spiritual when you are connected to your breath or breathing?

---

BTW: Our Jewish Spirituality Journey Facebook group is a closed group (meaning the answers do not appear in the Facebook pages of non-participants). Anyone can join the discussion. Just email Rabbi Paul Kipnes and ask for me to add you to the group. Of course, you have to Facebook Friend me first. Join in. We have already had some great discussions.

Simcha Wars: The Battle For Joy (Part 1)

2012-01-01T12:05:00.000-08:00

[This article first appeared in Congregation Or Ami's Divray Or Ami newsletter. It directs readers to this blog to discover the 7 Intentional Strategies to Infuse Simcha (Joy) in our Congregation.]

Judaism, according to one accounting, has at least 15 different words to describe joy. From rina (meaning joyous song) to sasson (exaltation) to simcha (pure joy), Jewish life is supposed to be an expression of joyous living. So significant is the mitzvah (literally, the divine commandment) to life a life filled with simcha, that when we articulated Or Ami’s Vision and Values, we listed simcha/joy as one of our primary values. We aim to “celebrate life through word and song because we believe that life is filled with blessing.”

It is easy to say – be joyous! – yet succeeding in doing so is far more complex. From the personal to the historical to the existential, we each face an army of forces arrayed against just that impulse – to be joyous. We live intensely cognizant of our own suffering, be it medical, familial, financial, psychological, or romantic; such awareness itself conspires with the real pain.

Our Jewish history is easily reduced to a chronology of crisis – genocidal in the 1940’s, hate-spewing anti-Israel in the present, and pogrom-filled before those. (I suspect our readers could easily list their choice moment of Jewish trauma.) Similarly, American life today is dominated by financial crisis and post-9/11 fear. Our television newscasts and online blogposts are filled with reports of things that could make us sick or worse. Our jobs, our schools, and our daily lives are pressure-filled cauldrons of anxiety and worry.

Up against this, can we really find simcha? I have learned that simcha is possible even during the darkest of times; once purposeful openness to allow it to permeates the way we live. That’s where Judaism comes in.

Judaism as a religion, culture and peoplehood is predisposed to joyfulness. Congregation Or Ami, as a synagogue community, acts intentionally to invest every moment we are together with simcha. How so? We have 7 intentional strategies to guide our work. Read them here on my blog.

Dementia in the Family

2011-12-29T12:10:00.000-08:00

The Jewish community is aging, and Jewish communal leaders are facing up to this reality. We are contemplating what Sacred Aging looks like (including a new book Seekers of Meaning by Rabbi Richard Address, D.Min.); our Union for Reform Judaism among others is developing new resources. Next spring, we hope to see the publication of Broken Fragments, a book about Jewish perspectives on Alzheimer's disease, dementia, caregiving and more. I am honored to have written a chapter on how the Jewish community can respond with compassion and Jewish support.

Guided by the Biblical Psalmist - Cast me not off in the time of my old age; when my strength fails, forsake me not (Psalm 71:9) - we seek to prepare for those seemingly inevitable moments when we find our parents, our loved ones, or ourselves beginning to enter the haze of dementia.

Recently, someone dear to me wrote about his beloved's new diagnosis. His words are poignant and eye opening. With his permission and some edits to preserve anonymity, I share his reflections.

Dementia in the Family

My wife and I are in our 80's. A short time ago, we were sitting in our living room and she asked me, “What is our granddaughter’s name?”

Almost immediately a red flag went up. I told her what the name was and suggested to her that we make an appointment with her internist, which we did. At her appointment, the internist gave her a little test which she flunked, leading the doctor to suggest she see a geriatric specialist.

When the day of the appointment arrived, we were ushered into the doctor’s office and he explained that he would give her a few simple tests over the next 20 or thirty minutes. After taking these tests, he excused himself and said he would take a few minutes to evaluate the results of the tests he had given.

Diagnosis: Dementia

On his return, he explained that my wife was showing the beginning of dementia, and he explained what he meant by dementia, and what could be done about it. He explained further that he would like to place her on a medication regimen. He told us that the medication was not a cure, but should slow down the process. The medicine he recommended was Aricept, 5mg. tab daily. He also suggested a couple of vitamins (D and B1) that he indicated were important.

We started her on this medication and indeed it seemed to work. We did not notice any improvement in her short term memory, but it did not seem to get worse, and her long term memory was quite good. She was still able to run our household; she played bridge every week and things seemed to be working.

At the end of six months we went back for further testing and she seemed to be able to do at least as good as before and perhaps a bit better. The doctor told her to use the same medication in the same amount.

Omigosh, I thought I was Talking to our Son

At this time, she is about the same except for the following: twice now, she has been looking at me but talking to our son. This confused me at first but both times she snapped out of it and said, “Omigosh, I thought I was talking to our son.” We scheduled another appointment with geriatrics.

Time has passed (about six months) and we had our evaluation with a new geriatric physician. Most of her blood tests are O.K. and she has lost about two pounds. No big deal. Her short term memory has become a bit worse but her long term memory is better than mine. She has shown a little more confusion than before. She still plays bridge, but with a bit less enthusiasm than prior games; this might be a memory thing. She still does the shopping and the meal planning and of course she plans her personal care (hair and nails). Her doctor increased her medication from 5 mg to 10 mg, and made us a follow up appointment for six months from now.

The past few days have been the first time she has verbalized where she may be headed and she has been extremely unhappy. We all are.

I have used some home-spun psychology but I feel it is not enough and I need to be sure I am going in the proper direction. Fortunately, I know a great psychologist and my next stop is to meet with him.

Our Hearts Ache As We Hear Such Stories
We want to reach out and support. Synagogues cannot seem to do enough to reach out to our loved ones who faced with dementia and Alzheimer's disease, or are caregivers for their loved one. So at Congregation Or Ami, we try:

We connect congregant caregivers up with each other.
We share stories, like the one above and the award-winning essay, The Gift of Caregiving, by another congregant about her experience caring for her father.
We have brought in professionals from Jewish Family Service to the congregation to help guide the sandwich generation on how to care for their parents (and once on how to take away the car keys in a compassionate way).
We have held services honoring caregivers.
I have spoken on the High Holy Days about Alzheimer's disease.
We regularly let people know about the resources on caregiving, sacred aging and planning for both, from the Union for Reform Judaism and on our Or Ami webpage for Adult Learning (scroll down).

Still, it never feels like we are doing enough.

Do you have any suggestions on how to reach out - Henaynu, we are here? Please let us know.

Letter from Jerusalem: To an Progressive American Jewish Friend

2011-12-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

For Jews (and others) struggling between two equally problematic presentations of Israel: ‘Israel, right or wrong’ or ‘Israel is an apartheid demon state,’ comes this Letter from Jerusalem: To a Progressive American Jewish Friend from Israeli author Gershom Gorenberg. It is a bit long, but well worth the read.

***

Dear L——,

Please don’t give up on Israel. And please give me a chance to explain before you hit the delete button.

I know, your last e-mail virtually asked me not to write this one. You said that you were tired of news about growing West Bank settlements, stalled peace negotiations and Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman’s bellicose statements. Your daughter says the campus debate between anti-Israel and pro-Israel groups is too shrill to bear. You would prefer to focus your progressive political energies on issues close to home. When I write, you implied, I should stick to updates about my kids. May I mention that my own daughter isn’t in college yet because she’s serving in the Israel Defense Forces, or that last summer, to my dismay, she drew a week of guard duty at a West Bank settlement?

O.K., I’ll skip family news. I know you are not alone in your despair. In the recent, excellent documentary Between Two Worlds about American Jewry’s internecine battles, there’s a scene in which Daniel Sokatch, head of the liberal New Israel Fund, explains why young Jews are leaving the conversation: “People will walk away from an argument that looks like [a choice between] ‘Israel, right or wrong’ or ‘Israel is an apartheid demon state.’ That is not a compelling paradigm for most young American Jews.” My only quibble is that lots of older Jews are equally unhappy with a debate restricted to those choices.

But I don’t think you can walk away. If you choose silence on Israel, your silence will also be a statement, interpreted in a way entirely different from what you intend. Besides that, “progressive” means “working for progress.” Giving up on Israel because it isn’t living up to your liberal values would violate those values.

Let me go back. in the American suburb where you and I grew up, “Jewish” and “liberal” were nearly synonyms. As a teenager, I walked our precinct for a Democratic candidate. Seeing a mezuza on a doorpost was a reassuring sign that I’d get a sympathetic hearing. This made our neighborhood typical of Jewish America, then and now.

More than party affiliation is at work. You and I regard commitment to social justice as basic to our identity as Jews, and we are not alone. Scholars argue about the reasons for the attraction of large numbers of Jews to the left, in Europe, America and elsewhere. Have progressive Jews been inspired by the Torah’s teaching to remember that we were strangers in Egypt? Or, as some historians argue, are their politics a product of the experience of Jews trying to integrate into modern society as a minority? Trying to untangle the two factors, I’d argue, is pointless. We interpret the ancient text in the light of experience—and our experiences in light of the text.

Long before 1948, progressive Jews presumed that if our tribe were ever in power, we would create a utopia, somewhere between socialist and liberal. The prophet of political Zionism, Theodor Herzl, promised as much in his novel, Altneuland. The left’s domination of prestate Zionism and the kibbutz-centered PR of Israel’s early decades seemed to fulfill the promise. Back then, Israel’s economic policy was remarkably egalitarian. The gap between rich and poor was small. Inexpensive, nonprofit health care was nearly universal. The Jewish state was a Scandinavian social democracy displace to the Levant. Besides, Israel looked like the underdog in the Arab-Israeli conflict, and there is a reflex to assume the underdog is in the right.

Hence the bone-deep surprise you feel each time you read a news item showing that Jews, now in charge of their very own country, can be illiberal. Truly, I’m sorry. Israel has a political movement—Lieberman’s Israel Is Our Home Party [Yisrael Beitenu]— that builds support by attacking an ethnic minority. It submits Knesset bills aimed at disenfranchising Arab citizens. Israel has fundamentalist parties whose government-funded schools keep evolution and even English off their curriculum for fear of eroding their students’ faith. This year, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s coalition pushed through a law making it illegal to call for consumer boycotts of goods from West Bank settlements—a legislative assault on free speech. Netanyahu says he favors a two-state solution, but he encourages settlement construction whose strategic purpose is blocking such an agreement. What is a Jewish liberal to do?

Yes, Israel does face disproportionate criticism. As a tribe we Jews suffer the curse of celebrities: Everything we do gets more attention. Next to the civilian casualties from America’s wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the costs of Israel’s Operation Cast Lead in Gaza pale. Every foreign correspondent who has worked here knows that her editor gets more excited about a minor clash between Palestinians and Israeli soldiers than about a whole war south of the Sahara. But other nations’ cruelty is poor comfort. As the old television commercial said, we feel that “we have to answer to an even higher authority”—be it God or the inchoate spirit of Jewish liberalism. And the news reports from here are not inventions.

The name for the discomfort that American Jews feel while reading that news is cognitive dissonance. That is when “opinions, beliefs [and] knowledge of the environment…do not fit together,” pioneer cognitive psychologist Leon Festinger wrote in his 1956 classic When Prophecy Fails. Festinger described one way in which people reflexively deal with facts that “disconfirm” their belief. They stick to the belief, and try to convince others that it is nonetheless true: “If more and more people can be convinced that the system of belief is correct, than clearly it must, after all, be correct.” Persuade others, and the pain of dissonance fades. So when some establishment Jewish groups try to refute every negative report about Israel, they serve a psychological need as well as a political one.

A variation is to switch the subject to the external threats facing Israel. In his Commentary magazine broadside last June against rabbinic students “distanced from Israel,” the Shalem Center’s Daniel Gordis used the trump card of recalling the start of the Six-Day War, when Israel “was seemingly on the very precipice of destruction.” Never mind that Israel’s initial news blackout on its victories in June 1967, while necessary militarily, amplified diaspora fears. “Siege Zionism” plays on a tendency of some American Jews to think of Israel as a replacement for the lost Jewish “Old Country” of Eastern Europe—and to imagine it as a country-sized shtetl about to be overcome by Islamic Cossacks. This image is profoundly ahistorical. It ignores the emergence of a sovereign Jewish state, its military strength and its opportunities for peacemaking—some of which have been seized and some squandered.

To my sorrow, some Jews take the opposite approach: They accept that their received picture of Israel is wrong—and direct the fury of the betrayed at “the God that failed.” Hence the obsessive anger of some Jewish anti-Zionists.

And yet another response is to try not to think about the problem. As Peter Beinart, former New Republic editor, wrote last year, “For several decades, the Jewish establishment has asked American Jews to check their liberalism at Zionism’s door, and now…they are finding that many young Jews have checked their Zionism instead.”

Beinart’s warning was correct, and belated. The danger is that young Jews will not only check their Zionism at the door, but their connection to all things Jewish. The existence of a Jewish country is too large a part of the 21st-century Jewish reality to be excised from Jewish communal life in America. But when students find Jewish campus organizations devoting their energy to refuting any criticism of Israeli policy (including criticisms voiced daily here in Israel), many stay away from campus Jewish life entirely.

Nor will Israel disappear from congregational life. If you allow the Israel conversation at your congregation to be dominated by the advocates of siege Zionism, you risk letting your community be shaped by the fearful mentality of “the world is against us” rather than by a universalist commitment to tikkun olam.

More than that, as a Jew you can’t avoid taking a stand on Israel in the American political arena: Silence is also a position. As you know only too well, AIPAC and the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations have presented themselves for decades as speaking for American supporters of Israel—a category that many politicians and lazier journalists treat as synonymous with American Jews. If you say nothing, those organizations are presumed to speak for you.

The bottom line is that you should be working for a better, more progressive Israel and for a more open discussion of Israel among American Jews—a discussion in which supporting Israel includes supporting peace and social change. And the dissonance that makes you want to give up on Israel is a result of two assumptions that I think you will reject once you examine them.

The first is that a Jewish country will automatically be progressive, because that’s how Jews naturally act. Think about it: You don’t believe in the inborn superiority of particular ethnic groups any more than you believe in the opposite, the inherent inferiority of ethnic groups. The Torah does not tell us to remember that we were strangers in Egypt because Jews are instinctively, unequally committed to equality. It repeats that message in a loud drumbeat because we are people, and the natural thing for people to do when they get power is to forget that they were once powerless.

On the other hand, the only way for people to act morally is to have power over their lives. Israel presents the opportunity for Jews to have power over their lives as a collective—to express our values not just as individuals but as the majority in a sovereign state. The critical contribution that diaspora Jews can make in engagement with Israel is to remind those of us here of the sharp experience of being the outsider, the stranger, so that we Israelis don’t forget where we came from.

The second flawed assumption is that you should feel tied to Israel only if it is already a progressive country. Think about that word: Progressives are people who work for progress. To your good fortune, Israel is rich with organizations working for change— groups promoting human rights, women’s rights, gay rights, religious freedom, Jewish-Arab dialogue and, of course, peace. In the last several years, American Jewry has seen a flowering of organizations supporting those efforts.

My old friend, don’t give up. Get involved.

Gershom Gorenberg’s latest book is The Unmaking of Israel (Harper). He blogs at South Jerusalem.

Chanukah Rights: The Music Video

2011-12-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

For those who believe that the minor festival of Chanukah should be celebrated with more gusto. Happy Chanukah!

The Motif of Light in Jewish Tradition

2011-12-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

On Chanukah we light the menorah/chanukiah, increasing the light in a very dark world. What is the significance of light in Judaism and Jewish ritual? What purpose did the menorah in the Jerusalem Temple originally serve?

Rabbi Adin Steinsalz offers some answers to these questions in an article that appeared in the Jerusalem Post. The excerpt below are his words. Thanks to Or Ami congregant David Eshaghpour for bringing it to my attention.

***

Light is the genesis – the creation of the world. The primary utterance of creation is “Let there be light,” its separation from darkness. The Midrash asks – from what was light created? The answer is whispered: “G-d cloaked [Godself] in a white shawl, and the light of its splendor shone from one end of the world to the other” (Genesis Rabba 3:4).

In other words, fundamentally, light does not belong to this world. Rather, it is an emanation of a different essence, from the other side of reality. Light serves as the symbol of good and the beautiful, of all that is positive….

The use of light as a symbolic expression of the positive aspect of reality is … realized also in the use of light and lamps as concrete means of expression. These symbolize and point to an essence that contains holiness, in all its different appearances in reality: in the sanctity of place (in the Holy of Holies at the Temple), in the sanctity of time (on the Sabbath and Festivals) and in the sanctity and importance of events (on special occasions).

THE TEMPLE menorah, for all its ornate and elaborate craftsmanship, did not serve any practical purpose. It was there as a symbol of the holiness of that place, its relation to light. The menorah was a sphere of sunlight, which shone through the walls and curtains. It is little wonder that this meaning of the Temple menorah was conceived by the Jewish people as the symbol par excellence of Jewish existence, as can be seen in Jewish ornaments from all periods.

The same goes for the Sabbath and Festival candles. Initially, the Sabbath candles were lit for a very prosaic reason – to make light for those who eat the Sabbath evening meal, so that they would not spend the evening in utter darkness. The light of the candles has turned into the very symbol of the Sabbath itself, a sort of “light of the seven days of Creation,” shining in a sanctified niche of time.

The festival of Hanukka is expressed by the ceremonial lighting of candles, which increase daily in number – to symbolize how “light exceeds darkness” in the festival of victory, purification and historic upheaval. So, too, is the tradition for parents to escort their children to the wedding canopy with candles or torches. They are a light of pure joy and hope….

Thus, on one hand we have the light of the Holy place, which does not even have to be seen, while on the other hand is the light of the Shabbat candles, which is to be used. The Hanukka candles are “holy” – we have no right to use them, but only to behold them. The same goes for the messages that these lights convey: glory, the joy of victory, a remembrance of eternity, or an outburst of merriment….

The difference between the single wicks of the Sabbath candles and the braided torch of the Havdala candle is the distinction between a light of calmness, of repose and of homeliness, and the stronger light of the torch – a light with which, on the one hand, accompanies the departing [Shabbat] queen, and on the other, lights the darkness which becomes more marked in her absence. The Hanukka candles stand in one line to mark and count the days, and the shamash (helper or servant) candle, stands apart to indicate that, unlike the other candles, it is there for practical use.

Yet, above all, the function of light is to illuminate. In Judaism, darkness has never had religious significance. The curtain of darkness and mist is the kelipah (husk or shell). And to the extent that light does have a role to play, it is, as the Sefer Yetzirah says, that “the existence of darkness underscores light, emphasizes the yearning for it.”….

Simcha Wars: The Battle For Joy (Part 2)

2011-12-19T22:58:00.001-08:00

[This article is the conclusion of an article entitled Simcha Wars: The Battle For Joy (part 1), which appeared Congregation Or Ami's Divray Or Ami quarterly Newsletter. Read the beginning here.]

Happy New Year!

Up on our Jewish Spiritual Journey Facebook group (Facebook message me if you want to join the closed group. It is quite a discussion!), we are engaged in a discussion about what resolutions for the coming year we would make regarding our own spirituality.

At the same time, I came across a link on Facebook titled 12 Things Happy People Do Differently. From Expressing Gratitude to Not Over-thinking to Learning to Forgive to Practicing Spirituality, this posting challenges us to commit to happiness by imitating happy people. It reminds us that bringing happiness into our lives, like with any other middah (attribute/quality) we seek, demands intentionality and mindful living.

Congregation Or Ami, our Calabasas, California synagogue, flourishes in part because we see Judaism as a religion, culture and peoplehood that is predisposed to joyfulness. Congregation Or Ami, as a Jewish community, acts intentionally to invest every moment we are together with simcha. How so? We have 7 intentional strategies to guide our work.

7 Intentional Strategies to Infuse Simcha (Joy) in our Congregation

Welcoming People with a Smile and a Hello. At the front door, near the receptionist's desk, and over the phone, we strive to stop our "work" and engage our "passion," that is, making you feel welcome. In a busy world which often allows me to prioritize my needs/task over yours, Or Ami tries to make you the center of our purpose. Amazing how much joy that brings into our lives.
Music Speaks Louder than Words. Well aware that a music soundtrack can bring forth specific emotions (notice this next time you sit in a movie), Or Ami strives to infuse our services, our programs, and even our congregant gatherings include plenty of uplifting music. Music, especially that of our Cantor Doug Cotler, can transport us from the stressful pressures of life to a more content, simcha-dik place.
Kvell, Don't Kvetch. We speak about Kvelling, not Kvetching repeatedly. Kvetching is that typically Jewish act of complaining, loudly and regularly about things big and small. We kvetch about our families. We kvetch about our kids, our jobs, spouses/partners, the economy, the government... everything. Our biblical ancestors kvetched during their desert trek about the food, the lack of water, the danger from enemies, about Moses' leadership. Such a typical Jewish act, and yet, kvetching is profoundly the antithesis of what it means to be authentically Jewish.To be a Jew is to be a kveller! Kvelling means to praise. Kvelling lets others know that good things are happening. It leads us to be filled with joy as we count our blessings. We could be praising the important things: our health, our relative wealth (we always have more than others somewhere), the roof over our heads, the community of which we are part...
Ask: What is Your "Or Ami" Moment? How often do we provide the community opportunities to kvell? They know they can kvetch - the squeeky wheel gets the oil - but do they know they can kvell too? So at Congregation Or Ami - at services a few times a year, at board meetings, at dinner gatherings with the rabbis and cantor - we invite people to share with each other, and the group, their cherished Or Ami moment from the past year or two. Tears of joy, expressions of feeling supported, experiences at a simcha, all come forth. When we allow people the chance to share meaningful experiences, their hearts seem to soar as simcha deepens.
Seek a Spiritual Path. I try to talk - write, blog, tweet - often about my spiritual journey, because finding one's spiritual center seems to correlate directly with being happy. Making the spiritual journey a central part of the conversation at the synagogue may allow people to rise up and be happy.
Simcha at Services. Our other Rabbi Julia Weisz creates moments within our Kesher (youth learning) services for people to share their simchas (good grade, new job, recovery from illness, scored a goal, etc.). Such a simple yet profoundly simcha-dik addition to the tefillah. We speak at services about those who are ill (at the Mi Shebeirach) and those who have died (at Kaddish), yet where do we allow people to kvell about their simchas? We are trying to remember to include this element in our regular Shabbat services.
Smiling is So Simple. Smiling is so simple and so contagious. We remind our greeters at services, in our office, and at the Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning program to smile when someone enters the synagogue. We remind teachers to smile at their students and clergy to smile at everyone. A smile uplifts, refreshes, infects, and inspires. Simply put, a smile points people toward simcha, joy.

These 7 Intentional Strategies to Infuse Simcha (Joy) in our Congregation may not constitute "brain surgery," but they seem to uplift and inspire people to be a little more simcha-dik.

In this secular New Year 2012, perhaps we all might try to be a bit more joyous in your life, in your work, and in your family and community.

Do you have any additional strategies that lead to simcha (joy) in the community? Do tell!

Realigning the Jewish GPS

2011-12-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

Serenity. Inspiration. Exhaustion. Uplift. Shalom.

Choice words to describe the essentially indescribable feelings which permeate my heart, soul and mind as I depart five days of the Union for Reform Judaism’s Biennial Convention outside of Washington DC. With six thousand Jews gathering to learn, dream, celebrate and plan for the Jewish future, the experience was also profoundly overwhelming.

A Shmorgasbord of Spirituality

Whether singing Kiddush during the largest Shabbat dinner ever in existence, charting a new course with Dr. Wendy Mogul to engage Jewish youth more deeply, exploring our shared values of Tikun Olam (social justice) with President Barak Obama, embodying simcha (joy) through rocking out with singer/songwriters Dan Nichols, Doug Cotler and Michelle Citrin, exploring tachlis (hands on, how to) topics such as creating a “social media sermon” and “redefining Jewish adolescents through Jewish summer camps,” or just connecting one-to-one with dozens of old friends, colleagues or new friends, the URJ Biennial gave me so much to enjoy and so much more to consider.

Realigning the Jewish GPS

Most of all, the Biennial experience recharged our batteries and realigned our Jewish GPS. Out wandering as individuals in the wilderness of communal life, we sometimes lose sight of the difference between the important and abiding, and the small stuff. Each Biennial Meet Up, each conversation, each session pointed the way forward by anchoring in the past and dreaming toward the future.

The Biennial brought me back toward these insights:

I believe with all my heart and soul that Judaism – our teachings, our values, our Torah, our tradition, our people, our homeland, our beliefs, our culture, our religion, our… – exist to transform us into Am Kadosh (holy people) and our world into a Makom Kadosh (a holy people).
We people called Yisrael are those destined to yisra (struggle with) El (our existence within Existence). Our world – the beautiful, the material, the broken and the whole – exists to be a Makom Kadosh (a place of holiness), where every thing and every moment can connect to every other thing and every other moment. Past to future, tree to sky, street to building, you to me.
Israel, the land and state, is central to our spirit and story, that its wellbeing is our concern, that its future as a democratic/Jewish home must be assured in conjunction with real peace with a neighboring Palestine, and that more of our peeps must get over to visit her.
The synagogue is THE primary gateway to the Jewish past, present and future, and if open enough, innovative enough, simcha-dik (joyous) enough and thoughtful enough, the synagogue can touch deeply so many more Jews and Jewish families.
Engaging youth needs to become our mantra as we create places and spaces for them to struggle, connect, be nurtured and grow. It is not pediatric Judaism we pursue; it is the Jewish future.
As Am HaSefer, the people of the book, we express ourselves and continue the holy conversation through the written word. Whether that written word be on two tablets, animal skin scrolls, paper back books or the 1’s and 0’s on the computer screen, the emes (truth) becomes clearer, the deeper we delve into the words past down midor lador (from generation to generation).

Watch the Speakers; Read the Sermons

A picture speaks 1,000 words, so I wish I could download my short-term memory bring to life the still and moving images swirling in my head. Since our technological wizards have not yet discovered the process by which to do that, I instead invite you to venture over to the Union for Reform Judaism’s website to see what I saw and hear what I heard.

Then, we can together continue the conversation, and thereby find Serenity. Inspiration. Exhaustion. Uplift. And Shalom.

Seeking Your Insights

For those who attended, what were your favorite moments from the Biennial?

Jewish Education is Dead; Long Live Jewish Education

2011-12-14T22:04:00.000-08:00

I wish I had coined that phrase: "Jewish Education is Dead; Long Live Jewish Education." But in truth, this is the title of the talk by Dr. Jonathan Woocher, the Chief Ideas Officer of JESNA, the Jewish Educational Service of North America. Dr. Woocher, whom I have followed through his writings for years, spoke at the Union for Reform Judaism's Education Summit 2011, as part of the URJ Biennial Convention 2011. (Yada yada yada.)

To quote one of my tweets: "I was so inspired by Dr. Woocher's talk that I could barely breathe."

Dr. Woocher, in his own piercingly insightful way, challenged us to allow old paradigms about Jewish education to quietly go to sleep, as we embrace new realities and new paradigms for the Jewish present and future. His talk, combining the best of technology including real time polling and engaging videos, offered a compelling critique of the present and a glance into the future of Jewish education.

The Case for Change
Said Woocher, these are the elements that make the case for change:

Success of assimilation: we are assimilated. We have not given up our Jewish identities doing so.
Hybrid identities: Our kids (and we) have multiple identities, are fully involved but are asking what Judaism means to them.
We are many things at once. How does that Jewish component speaks?
Diversity of our community. Enuf said!?!
The "sovereign self" - we are all "choosing Jews"
"Patch dynamics". Never one thing happening at a time. Rather many things happening at once
Prosumerism: simultaneouslsy producers and consumers of our experiences people want to co-produce their Jewish experiences
Institutional loyalty is declining
Constant Busyness and pressure to achieve - how can we carve out space for their busy learning.
Technology - not cause of any of these changes but an accelerant. Helping us to be less dependent on intermediary institutions.

This is Abiding
Not everything has changed. These factors still remain:

Our search for meaning and purpose
Our desire for connections and relationships
Our satisfaction from accomplishment and growth.

Necessary Paradigm Shifts for the Future of Jewish Education

We need to:

Put learners at center of Jewish education. Not institution or leaders
Empowering learners and families Educating the whole person. Not just the "Jewish" part.
Educate whole persons, making meaning and impacting lives not jut imparting content and promoting continuity
Engage multiple intelligences
Emphasize relationships
Widen landscape of learning: concerts, media, trips, radio, etc.
Create multiple points of entryBringing innovation in from the edges
Redefine the role of educators as guides, help others to find their way on the Jewish journeys
Break down the silos and forging synergies.

What Should We Do?

Dr. Woocher suggests these new models and collaborations:

Magnet programs
Link camps and congregations and year round youth activities
Explicit pathways from early childhood education to next stages of learning.
Day schools as community education centers. L
Learner- and family-generated learning options
Using technology anywhere and everywhere.

Conclusions?

How wonderful to be able to offer you now a clear, well thought out synthesis of Dr. Woocher's talk. Yet it is 1:00 am, and it is just the first day of this amazing Education Summit.

Suffice it to say that Dr. Woocher's talk, and the whole introduction and subsequent sessions of the Education Summit goad me (and our lay leaders and other rabbi) to rethink the whole enterprise of Jewish education within our synagogue.

It is one thing to kvell about what we are doing. It is another thing to be open to reexamining every element of our program and vision to dream about what could and what should.

Bravo to the Union for Reform Judaism, and especially Rabbi Laura Novak Winer and her team for all they are doing to challenge and inspire us!

That Tiny Cruse of Oil: Truth amidst the Myth

2011-12-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

This post was slightly edited from a posting by Rabbi Phil Cohen. This is wonderful piece on the Truth in Chanukah, or better, the ahistorical truth that still lives on in the non-historical story of the cruse of oil. For background, you might want to first read the New York Times' What Historically Happened Back During the Time of the Maccabees and my The True Story of Chanukah. Rabbi Cohen's writing is another of those "I Wish I Wrote This" articles. Insightful and significant, the article addresses why we can still believe in legends that are not historical:

Rabbi Phil Cohen writes:
I first learned of the history of the story of that jar of oil on my first visit, pre-interview, to Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in New York City. I sat in on an Education class. The professor demonstrated through the use of texts from the apocryphal books of Maccabees I and II through the place where the Miracle of the Oil first appears in the Talmud, that there is a span of around 650 years between the Maccabean wars and the first sighting of the miracle story. Hmm...

The Challenge of Legend
There are undoubtedly analyses of this phenomenon which I have read and which I have missed. But this rationalist presentation teaches me a very great deal.

Legends arise.
Legends may not be, and, indeed, likely as not, never happened.
Legends often, but not always, teach inner truths, their lack of historicity notwithstanding.
We can eschew the legend and lose the truth or,
We can embrace the legend and embrace the truth.
We can embrace the truth and then drash (interpret) on it to find more truth and more truth, ad infinitum.

Meaning Abides
The modernist conundrum has always been, how to keep the baby and lose the bathwater, or some such. The universal loss of Torah m'Sinai (the non-historical idea that Torah was given at Mt. Sinai) has not resulted in the loss of Torah as the founding Jewish document and never will.

Similarly, the loss of the Chanukah Miracle of the Oil has not resulted in the loss of the chanukkiah, and never will, the power of the chanukkiah being undeniable. The chanukkiah still produces light; it is always our task both the make that light and, far more important, understand the light and then proclaim that understanding.

It makes no sense to me to stand up and deny the fact that there is inner meaning to the story of that tiny cruse of oil. Though this amounts to an argument from authority, it's been going on for a long time--who are we to deny its meaning? Just what is its meaning? Ah, that's our continuing challenge.

Finding Meaning in our Legends
Our task has always been to find meaning, new meaning, and then newer meaning. Our parameters differ from those of our not so distant rabbinic ancestors. So what? Jews are in the meaning business, no matter what side of the historical divide they find themselves. Always have been. That's why Rabbinic commentators Rashi, Ibn Ezra, Ramban, and Seforno and so forth are all on the same page, right? Because each of the shines new light on ancient truths which allows them to illuminate greater and greater parts of our lives and world.

So let's fry up some latkes, sing a few songs, light that chanukkiah, and figure out, anew, why we bother.

So how does this article illuminate (or darken) your perspective on Chanukah? I'd love to know.

Chag Chanukah Samayach – Happy Chanukah

My Kid's Got Medical Problems; Where is God?

2011-12-10T12:46:00.001-08:00

A mother of a son with significant medical issues wrote me recently about God.

Dear Rabbi Paul:

In general I'm a believer in hope but at the moment I feel lost for direction which takes me to my original contemplation about God. Why do the bible stories suggest that God spoke to our leaders? Doesn't that lead to false hope that we can get some answers or guidance directly from God? If we're all suppose to be equal why does it seem that they got special attention?

Struggling Jew

I responded this way:

Dear Struggling Jew

Your questions are so poignant and personal, pained and hopeful, exhausting and energizing. As I pondered how to respond, I found myself a bit anxious that I would not be up to giving an answer that would help. But this has been sitting with me, so I'm jumping in.

I believe with all my heart that there is a God to whom we are connected, with whom we can communicate, for whom our well-being matters.

I believe with all my heart that God loves us, cares for us, and is helping us get through, even the most difficult times in our lives.

I believe that seas do split and bushes do burn, only don't be looking at the Pacific Ocean to split or the Azaleas outside our front doors to burn unconsumed. Look for the strength that comes from out of nowhere to face the possibility of yet another surgery - if that strength is not miraculous, I'm not sure what is. Look in wonderment at your children who have grown up with good values, with love in their hearts, with hope and possibilities of bright futures - even though one of them has significant medical trouble. That they have survived and find joy and/or goodness many days of their lives - without being consumed by the fires of anger and/or the self-pity of “poor me” - is no less miraculous than the bush that burned unconsumed.

In the Bible, God talked to people like you and I talk (on the phone) to each other. The people were sure they were talking to God and they then decided whether or not to heed God's voice.

I believe that God still talks to us; I have conversations with God regularly and have received answers to my prayers (though not always the answers I have wanted). But the communication comes in ways as different from talking as texting is to face-to-face. It might be a butterfly that is out of context, or a feeling in my guts that this is the right path. It might be a surge of courage when I am feeling weak or afraid.

Sometimes the answers come when we least feel we can go on, and yet we do. When we are sure we cannot make another decision, and somehow we face the issue and decide anyway. Sometimes it is the love that still fills our hearts when our anger bubbles up.

I say all this without the wealth of experience with the challenges and turmoil of your life. But I still believe, because I watch people like you get by and get through and still love and educate and walk forward step by step...

Those are my thoughts for the moment. What do you think?Rabbi Paul

And what do you think? How would you answer the mother's questions?

11 Rituals for 8 Nights of Chanukah Celebration

2011-12-09T05:52:00.001-08:00

The Calabasisher Rebbe, the RiPiK, teaches: One does not fully celebrate Chanukah, the Festival of Lights, unless one does 11 rituals over the 8 nights.

Lights the candles and puts the Chanukiyah (Chanukah menorah) in the window to publicize the miracle. Print out the Chanukah blessings.
Tell the story of Chanukah. This is a festival when Jewish values triumphed over Greek pagan practice, when religious freedom overcame the impulse for religious coercion. An important reminder that America too is home of religious freedom. Download the story.
Sing Chanukah songs. We transform king Antiochus' impulse to annihilate the Jews through simcha, the impulse to celebrate life and Jewish living. Singing is the glue that binds us to the Jewish soul. Get Cantor Cotler's Favorite Chanukah Songsheet.
Eat latkes or sufganiot (jelly-filled donuts). Both are cooked in oil, allowing us to consume the message of the Chanukah tale, that oil enough for only one night lasted for 8 nights. By playing with our food (or better, eating it), we become the oil, prepared as Jews to outshine any impulse to give up our values. Read the recipes.
Give presents. Cool to give, cool to get. But be wary of becoming too materialistic.
Have Parents' Night. Set aside one night only for kids to give to parents. By insisting on this and helping facilitate it, we teach our children the values of kibud av v'em (honoring one's father and mother), and ahava (love means giving, not just getting).
Give Tzedakah (charitable giving). Set aside one night for only giving tzedakah. Everyone contribute something, then as a group choose recipients and amounts. Search the web for do gooder organizations. Here's my 8 ideas for 8 nights of tzedakah.
Celebrate with family and friends. 'Nuff said?!
Celebrate with community. Congregation Or Ami's multigenerational Chanukah celebration on Friday, December 23, 2011 at 6:30 pm is open to the entire community. Bring a Chanukiyah to light. Enter a plate of homemade latkes into our Latke Baking Contest.
Play the dreidel game. Through sacred play, we reteach that Nes Gadol Haya Sham, a great miracle happened there. Play with chocolate gelt, raisins and nuts or M&M's, and the spoils are tasty too. Review the rules for play.
Remember the (second) Miracle. Yes, that oil enough for one night lasted for 8. But as significantly, think about that one Jewish priest in the Jerusalem Temple who, knowing there was not enough oil to last until new oil could be made, lit the menorah nonetheless. From him we learn the eternal Jewish value of Tikvah, hope. Jewish families never give up hope because we believe that goodness is just a night or 8 away.

Resist the urge to allow Chanukah to become just 1 minute of candle lighting and 3 minutes of gift opening. Celebrate the Festival with these 11 rituals.

What did I miss? Do tell!?!

For everything you need to celebrate Chanukah, take a look at Congregation Or Ami's Chanukah resources page at www.orami.org/Chanukah.

He Raped, She Complained, Judges Spoke, and The President Goes to Jail

2011-12-08T10:13:00.001-08:00

Alternative Title: Sex, Harassment, Jail and a President: You Gotta Love Israel

Score one for Women's Rights! Score another for Israel doing Justice and for Ethical Standards!

It is bittersweet but ethics-affirming to read that Israel distinguishes itself again. Very soon, Israel's eighth President Moshe Katsav will enter jail to serve a seven year sentence for the unanimous conviction of him in the Tel Aviv District Court a year ago of two counts of rape, two counts of sexual harassment, an indecent act using force, and obstruction of justice.
In its judgement, the court said the testimony of the main complainant in the case, a woman known only as “Alef” from the Tourism Ministry, was credible. Alef testified Katsav had raped her twice, first in his office and then two months later in the Sheraton Hotel in Jerusalem.

There are those who will be embarrassed by the whole situation, that Israel's then president was convicted and is being jailed. What will "they" think?

Celebrate a Victory for Women's Rights and Justice
I, for one, observe this as a moment to celebrate. We don't celebrate the downfall of a once important political leader; rather we celebrate the victory of women's rights and justice over machismo and sexism.

Israel exists in a macho neighborhood, awash with a culture of patriarchy and paternalism. Just this week, Israeli journalists caught on tape another shameful example, in the form of sexist comments - about female soldiers defending Israel no less - between the Israel's Defense Minister Ehud Barak and Israel Defense Forces Chief of Staff Benny Gantz.

But Katsav's conviction and the impending incarceration are watershed moments. The message is clear: no more must women be subjected to, and silently endure, the sexist comments, groping or worse by men in power. If the President of the country can be tried, convicted, jailed (and forced to resign) over these heinous actions, then it can happen to YOU too. So clean up your language, your attitude and your behavior!

A Much Needed Win in the Struggle over the Role of Women in the Public Sphere
Israel is in the midst of a battle with fundamentalists Jews (yep, OUR fundamentalists) over the role of women in the public sphere. Groups are protesting recent decisions forbidding women for singing at public gatherings in Jerusalem, forbidding women's pictures from appearing in ads on buses and billboards, and forbidding women's active participation at relative's funerals. This fight is part of an all-religion, global struggle between fundamentalism and liberalism. And we Jews must struggle to retain and expand hard-won women's right.

Israel is a country that has made so many strides for the equality of women (think Golda Meir and the early inclusion women in the military). Given the issues with ultra-orthodox fundamentalists, Israel still has a long way to go. But let's pause in the fight for a moment to praise this little county for doing what so many other places couldn't, wouldn't or didn't. Israel held responsible a man in the highest echelons of power who sexually harassed his female employees.

Israel Religious Action Center at the Center of the Struggle
A side note: yasher koach (May your strength be firm!) to our Israel Religious Action Center (IRAC) and its Executive Director Anat Hoffman, who have been - and are -at the forefront of many a fight for women's equality in Israel. Read more here.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert Sing Hanukkah Song

2011-12-08T10:04:00.001-08:00

Hysterical, laugh out loud funny!or click hereThis song raises all sorts of issues that go to the roots of questions about whether Hanukkah is (or should be) celebrated with the same pervasiveness as Christmas, or like the minor holiday it always was, should just be a private home celebration affair. Worthy of a larger discussion. Right now, just watch and laugh.

Jewish Spiritual Seeker: A Facebook Experiment in Spirituality

2011-12-06T16:51:00.003-08:00

A few years back, we started a Jewish Spiritual Seeker website. About a dozen of us participated regularly, posting and commenting on each other's posts. Once a month I would post a question about spirituality and invite congregant-volunteer-bloggers to respond. Each blogger was also asked to comment on 2-3 posts by others. We had a great conversation about spirituality. The blog won an inaugural North American Union for Reform Judaism Techie award since it engaged congregation members in Jewish conversation using a blog as the medium. (I would share the URL but the site has recently been hacked and until we figure out the fix, I don't want to give the "medical pills" website any more business.)

Since Facebook is the medium of preference for so many, we thought, why not experiment to see if people would participate in serious spiritual conversations in this online community. Thus the Jewish Spiritual Seeker Facebook community was born.

An Idea: What kind of conversation could we create if we brought together a dozen adults to explore, over the course of a year, their thoughts and experiences on the Jewish spiritual journey?

The Technology: What if we could harness technology - a Facebook Community - to provide the opportunity for these adults to reflect upon their Jewish spiritual journey? (Meaning: no meetings, just think your thoughts and go online.)

Monthly Questions: What if every month a question was posed - about spirituality or holiness, about how you pray, about questions you have about God, about when you feel most spiritual - which you could consider and then reflect upon by writing on the Facebook community page?

We are preparing to kick off the discussion within two weeks. We have already a dozen who are interested.

Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person? Are you willing to engage others in conversation about what that means to you and them? Then check out the Jewish Spiritual Seeker Facebook community page, and if you are willing to take a chance, LIKE the page.

Questions? Contact me through the Jewish Spiritual Seeker Facebook page.

And may the conversations to come be inspiring and uplifting.

How do we Connect, Inspire, and Engage Kids: What We've Learned from Camp

2011-12-05T14:53:00.001-08:00

Counting the days until the Union for Reform Judaism's Biennial convention outside of Washington DC became that much more excitingafter a planning session with some colleagues. Gathering together by telephone from all across the US, we -three camp directors, three rabbis, and one talented URJ specialist - put ourheads together to plan a biennial session on the “magic of camp.” (I am a URJ Camp alum, parent of 3 campers, and Camp Newman Rabbinic Faculty dean each summer - here's my Camp blog.) Who wouldhave thought that just the planning process alone would illuminate why we all loveURJ Jewish summer camping so much.

Our initial plan incorporated a series of seven minutesfrontal presentations, mixing the reflections of the camp rabbis with theinsights of a collection of talented camp directors. Reserve some time for Q& A, and the session would quickly be over. Our planning session could have ended then and there.

That is, until Ruben Arquilevich, Director of NorthernCalifornia’s URJ Camp Newman challenged us to fashion our program session inthe image of what happens effortlessly at camp. With that one comment, theideas started flying. How do wecraft a presentation session for the biennial that captures and shares the“magic” of camp?

Any camp staffer knows that what might appear to beeffortless fun and recreation at a Jewish summer camp is actually quiteintentional, as camp staff work diligently (and late into the night) to createstrong interpersonal relationships and communities of meaning.

Ruben’s piercing comment got us all thinking, and inminutes, the program transformed: Let’s begin with some music; singing iscamp’s spiritual glue. How about adding in some personal stories of how camphas transformed the life of one former camper, now camp parent/camp rabbi! Oh, let’s gather participants with like-mindedpeople – former campers together, congregational leadership wondering how toinvigorate their camp delegations, people who don’t know what Jewish camping isabout, camp leaders/staff – and have them talk about something in smallgroups. After all, camp is allabout meeting new people and making new friends.

Oh, burning questions. Invite people to share their burningquestions with the group by means of old-fashioned poster board technology.Then the camp directors can respond to real questions and concerns, raised byreal people to ensure that everyone walks away with better understandings of thestrategies and tools used at camp to connect, inspire, and engage kids inJewish life and learning. To setthe mood, we can throw into the background some pictures, quotes andmini-videos from summer camp 2011. How about ending with a big friendshipcircle, singing Hashkiveinu, likemost camps end each day?

In just an hour, our draft plan for serial frontalpresentations transformed into a musical, experiential, informational, andtechnological camp-like program. And we on the call were reinvigorated by an energetic camp programmingprocess to recreate camp for biennial participants. I cannot wait for URJ Biennial to start!

So don’t miss our session - How do we Connect, Inspire, and Engage Kids: What We've Learned fromCamp – on Thursday, December 15, 10:30 AM to 12:00 PM (during Learningsessions Block C). Once you signup, help us focus our program even more. Go to our session page on the URJ Biennial website and leave a commenton why you chose to attend this sessionand/or what burning questions do you bring to it. We will use your responses to better prepare an engagingsession.

We - Camp Newman Camp Director Ruben Arquilevich, Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Greene Family Camp Asst. Director Rabbi Ana Bonnheim, Camp Harlam Director Aaron Selkow, Rabbi Phyllis Sommer, and URJ Associate Director of Camping Lisa David - look forward to seeing you there.

Strangers No More: Academy Award Winning Film about a Tel Aviv School on HBO

2011-12-04T16:46:00.001-08:00

Strangers No More, the Academy Award winning documentary about Tel Aviv’s Bialik-Rogozin School, debuts on Monday, December 5th (6:45-7:30 p.m. ET/PT), exclusively on HBO.

According to the eJewish Philanthropy blog:

The school, serving one of the most economically challenged and socially diverse student populations in Israel, has morphed from a failing one to a highly successful and closely watched model for improving students’ lives and outlooks, strengthening and supporting families, advancing assimilation and socialization into Israeli society, and changing social and cultural attitudes toward respect of the other. Karen Tal, Bialik-Rogozin’s former principal, was recently awarded the 2011 Charles Bronfman Prize for her work with the school. [They] highly recommend tuning in if you haven’t yet seen the film.

The film is poignant and highlights the creativity that is Israel:

In the heart of Tel Aviv, there is an exceptional school where children from forty-eight different countries and diverse backgrounds come together to learn. Many of the students arrive at Bialik-Rogozin School fleeing poverty, political adversity and even genocide.

Here, no child is a stranger.Strangers No More follows several students’ struggle to acclimate to life in a new land while slowly opening up to share their stories of hardship and tragedy.With tremendous effort and dedication, the school provides the support these children need to recover from their past. Together, the bond between teacher and student, and amongst the students themselves, enables them to create new lives in this exceptional community.

Barking Dogs and Reflective Rabbis

2011-12-03T17:55:00.001-08:00

A story...

Nachman of Bratzlav, the great Rebbe was walking with Rabbi Nathan, his greatest disciple, through town and they passed a fenced yard that was guarded by dogs. These were vicious, half-starved, half-mad beasts that rushed up to the edge of the property to lunge, bark and howl at the two men walking by.

Rabbi Nathan, the student, did what any of us would have done; he jumped at their barking, picked up his pace and cast those dogs a glance, hoping the fence was well secured.

But Nachman didn’t jump, he didn’t react like we would. Instead he stayed at the fence, and just said in a patient, calm and sympathetic voice “I know, I know”.

Later, Nachman explained that those dogs weren’t just dogs. They were souls trapped in the bodies of dogs, souls caught in the gilgul, the cycle of ascent and descent, and as they were not human, never mind Jewish, they could not perform the necessary teshuvah (repentence) to ascend again. Whereas Reb Nathan heard only angry, ferocious beasts ready to devour him, Reb Nachman heard instead the cries of pain of those who could not recover their own spiritual selves. And it would be Reb Nachman’s job to help release them of their pain, to find a way to descend toward them in order to help those dog-trapped souls ascend.

What are we to make of this story? Most of us don’t know how to talk to dogs, or at least identify when dogs have an existential crisis. (I don't even have a dog.)

But more to the point, most of us - like Reb Nathan, the disciple - miss the spiritual element of the moments of our lives, of each individual encounter, as easily as Reb Nathan missed the souls trapped in those vicious dogs.

Rabbi Yair Robinson, a Delaware Rabbi, makes meaning of this story:

To be sure, we hear cries of pain; in those suffering from AIDS, from poverty, from humiliation and hunger and abuse. God-willing, we may even heed those cries and try to bring some kind of relief. But whether it’s in our own lives or in the lives of others, we often miss the element of holiness, the spirit, the Godliness, of other moments. Read on.

Again, I just ask:

How do we slow down enough to recognize the reality of each moment of our lives?

I'm sitting here with my daughter on our daddy-daughter day (she's studying right now before dinner). Enough pondering. Time to focus on my kid.

6 Strategies to Pre-Address the December Dilemma Difficulties Well Before December

2011-12-02T10:06:00.001-08:00

December, the “happiest time of year.” Enjoy Chanukah. Celebrate Christmas orKwanza with friends. Joyous music. Dancing Chanukiah candles and simmeringpotato latkes. Bright lights. It is a joyous time of year.

Except for two groups: Jewish scrooges and someinterfaith couples and families. The former (with whom I identify every few years) get freaked out bywhat feels to them like the oppressive Christian joyousness of the holidayseason. The latter are againforced to address the potentially painful reality that the holiday with itsfamily gatherings, cherished memories and vague theologies open up differences(sometimes chasms) between what each partner holds dear.

At Congregation Or Ami we long ago concluded that Decemberis probably the most difficult time to try to address these issues. Rather the real work must occur yearround. We strive to be welcomingand work hard to develop non-judgmental relationships with interfaith couples/familiesand especially with the non-Jewish spouses, so that when the issues arise, theyknow that the rabbi, cantor and educator offer non-judgmental support to faceand address the challenges.

Thus our strategy is to trumpet loudly and repeatedly howwelcoming we try to be to interfaith couples and families.

6 Strategies to Pre-Address the December Dilemma Difficulties

A Belin-award winning Interfaith Couples/Families Webpage,which makes it clear that “no one is more welcome at Or Ami than you”,addresses many of the issues interfaith families face, while providing them aninvitation and direct email link to talk to the rabbi about their questions andconcerns. Allowing those wondering aboutopenness to maintain their anonymity represents a more widely open gateway.
On Yom Kippur every few years during adult and familyservices, we invite all non-Jewish spouses, partners, and significant others to the bimah to receive our appreciation and a blessing from thecongregation for the beyond-thanks gifts they give by connecting with ourcongregation and, for those with children, for raising their children as Jews. Ritualarticulates the truth: that you too are blessings in our communities.
The adult learning program allows people to explore thesimilarities and differences between Judaism, Christianity and Islam, to learnin a URJ Introduction to Judaism class about the basics of Judaism. Learningleads to understanding.
At each service, particularly at our B’nai Mitzvah service,we recognize that in our midst are Jews, Christians, perhaps Muslims,Buddhists, Hindus, and others, as well as all kinds of Jews. We introduce them to our prayerbook,Mishkan Tefilah, as a “Tent of Prayer” which makes it possible for such adiverse group together for a spiritual, meaningful experience. We then quickly offer a verbal roadmapthrough the double page spread. Naming the diversity and minimizingroadblocks encourages connection.
I remind interfaith couples and families that they shouldvisit their non-Jewish parents during the December holiday season, even beingthere on Christmas eve or day to celebrate their parents’ holiday ofChristmas. When religion separates families, both families and religion suffer.
We talk about Jews and Jewish families when referring to ourcongregants and when talking about “what we do.”

The above strategies do not obviate the need to addressdirectly issues of the December dilemma. But they do ensure that those struggling recognize that they are part ofa welcoming, non-judgmental congregation. Perhaps they will thus be more likelyto turn to their rabbis, cantor and educator when and if they struggle toaddress the challenges posed by this “joyous season.”

Need help figuring out how to better publicize the openness of your congregation to interfaith couples and families? Check out the Union for Reform Judaism's Supporting Interfaith webpage in their Outreach initiative.

What Keeps Me Up at Night

2011-12-02T08:49:00.001-08:00

Here’s what I worry about, what sometimes keeps me up atnight: that some person, out of his own insecurities or just plain meanness,finds a way to weasel under the skin of one of my kids, plays on herinsecurities, and inflicts a wound that could prove fatal.

Here’s what keeps me up at night: that this wound, infectsmy kid deeply, metastasizes and, because it is all happening under the skin, Idon’t even know it is happening.

Sometimes I shake myself out of that nightmare, convincingmyself that there is no way my outwardly confident, content, happy kids couldfall into such a trap – especially without my knowing it – until I think aboutthe three kids who died recently by their own hands, Tyler Clemente (the college student, outed by a roommate, who took his ownlife), and the countless other stories of bullying and cyberbullying that seemto multiply across our television screens.

Our Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning programCoordinators Lisa Berney and Sarah Lauing are teaching families the story of a2^nd century rabbi who taught that one who publicly shames a neighboris as though that person has shed blood (Talmud Baba Metziah). On one hand anexample of rabbinic hyperbole, this teaching names the reality we areexperiencing in our world today – that embarrassing another and shaming them isso heinous that it is like – and can lead to – a mortal wound inflicted upon another.

That’s why it is important, again and again, to tell ourchildren how much we love them. It is why we rabbis and cantors and educatorstell “our children” (students) face to face and by email how much they mean to us. It iswhy I tell each Bar and Bat Mitzvah student in front of the ark that they arebeautiful and valuable.

Program Promo: And it is why, on this Wednesday, December 7th at 7:00 pm, theOr Ami Center for Jewish Parenting is hosting the interactive workshop Understandingand Addressing Cyberbullying: What Families Don't Know Will Hurt Them. Led by Anti-Defamation League experts, the program geared for teens(grades 7 and older) and adults will address: What can we, as adults, do about cyberbullying? What tools can ourchildren use to respond to a bullying experience - whether it is them oranother person being victimized? What can we do as a community to address thisgrowing problem? Those will younger children will significantly benefitfrom attending the workshop as bullying and cyberbullying knows no bounds. RSVP by email to Susie Stark, or call 818.880.4880. Childcare isavailable at no charge, reserve space when you RSVP.

Bullying and cyberbullying are cancers that need to be constantly diagnosed, treated and eradicated. Our youth movement NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) has an Anti-Bullying website filled with great links, articles, strategies and suggestions. Check them out.

Our children are too precious. Let us help them live in peace so we can sleep peacefully.

Of Course Your Child with Special Needs Can Become a Bar Mitzvah

2011-11-22T10:31:00.001-08:00

I received a message recently about a parent of a child with special needs. It seems that this parent was unsure that the special needs child could ever become a Bar Mitzvah. Here's my response to the parent:

Recently, Cantor Doug Cotler and I officiated at two different B'nai Mitzvah services of children with special needs. In each case, the parents were sure that their child would never read from Torah, lead the service or become a Bar Mitzvah. Like the few dozen other such families who thought the same, they were overwhelmed and blown away when their child led the service, read from Torah and gave a speech. There wasn't a dry eye in the house!

At Congregation Or Ami, we are committed to the idea that any child of a member who works to the best of his or her ability, has the privilege and right to a Jewish learning experience and to becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The children participate in a real service, just one that is subtly tailored to each child's unique abilities (which, by the way, is basically what we do for EVERY child).

What does that mean?
Maybe he will read Torah but not Haftarah.
Maybe he will sing the prayers he knows and explain others.
Maybe his service will be before only 15-20 of the closest and then there will be a bigger party.
Maybe he will only chant one verse of Torah per aliyah.
Maybe his Torah portion will be the V'ahavta prayer, which he will already know by heart (the V'ahavta in the prayerbook, comes from the Torah).
Maybe... maybe... maybe...

The keys to it all are three interlocking elements:

The commitment of the Temple to say "YES, this CAN and WILL happen."
The creativity of our B'nai Mitzvah tutor Diane Townsend to figure out ways to get each child to do his/her best. Diane works with me to tailor the service in a way that outsiders would not realize is tailored, but makes your child shine brightly.
The willingness of the parents to let go of their sense that it cannot happen, but instead to believe that yes, my son - just like every other Jewish boy - can become a Bar Mitzvah.

By the way, I have NEVER encountered a child with special needs (at Congregation Or Ami or at my previous synagogues) who could not and did not become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

I so look forward to celebrating as your son becomes a Bar Mitzvah. So don't worry. Just say to yourself, "Yes, this will happen." Then breathe...

We can talk more if you want.

Gosh, I wish we could better publicize this message. I wish that all synagogues would realize that there should be NO barriers to children with special needs, especially with regard to Jewish ritual.

Alas, we can only work in our little corner of the world...

Favorite Jewish Texts that Lead to Better Communication and Better Parenting

2011-11-21T08:01:00.001-08:00

Compiled by Mishpacha Coordinators Sarah Lauing and Lisa Berney

Miyut Sichah (Minimizing the Conversation)Say little and do a lot. (Pirke Avot 1:15)

"The wise man does not speak before him that is greater than he in wisdom; He does not break into his fellow's speech. He is not in a rush to reply. He asks what is relevant and replies to the point. He speaks of first things first and of last things last. Of what he has not heard he says, "I have not heard," And he acknowledges what is true. And the opposites apply to the clod." (Pirke Avot 5:9)

Quiet yourself there’s nothing to say
Stop all the chatter that gets in the way
Listen, listen to our God

When the wind and the thunder finally disappear
there’s still a voice that you will hear
If you listen, listen to our God (from “Listen” by Doug Cotler)

Emet (Being Honest and Truthful)

“Those who deal deceitfully shall not live in My [God’s] house; those who speak untruth shall not stand before my eyes.” (Psalms 101:7)

“People should not say one thing with their mouths, and something else with their hearts.” (Talmud Baba Metziah 49a)

“To avoid insulting someone, you are allowed to tell a white lie.” (Sefer Hasidim)

Shema (Listening)

Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad - Listen Israel (or all who struggle to understand) Adonai is our God, Adonai Alone.

While hearing is simply receiving, listening is an active form of communication. By engaging in certain actions — nodding our heads, making eye contact, leaning in—we show others that we are present for them in that moment. Rather than thinking about how we will respond, we can focus completely on the other person, understanding their needs. We can offer them our “precious presence.” By listening with the intent to understand, we are responding “henaynu” (“we are here”).

Lashon HaRa (Avoid Gossiping)

The story of Miriam (Num 12:1-15)

A Story: A man went about the community telling malicious lies about the rabbi. Later, he realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged his forgiveness, saying he would do anything he could to make amends. The rabbi told the man, "Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds." The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a simple enough task, and he did it gladly. When he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done it, the rabbi said, "Now, go and gather the feathers. Because you can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers."

2011-11-21T07:55:00.001-08:00

We gathered together, 35 of us, to continue our discussion about how to be the best parents for our children. With our worlds rocked recently by the suicide deaths of two seemly content 18 year olds, we each sought some grounding and guidance from our Jewish tradition.

Our previous session of the Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning program became an emotion-packed support group, as adults shared heartfelt concerns and fears. We agreed that if young men who appeared fine were actually roiling in turmoil, then perhaps our own children could be struggling with demons of their own. How do we open up conversations, without stepping into a minefield that shuts our children down?

Our Mishpacha Coordinators directed us to three Jewish values that could guide our communication:

Miyut sicha, minimizing the conversation – striving to choose words carefully and speaking about meaningful subjects.
Emet, being honest and truthful – recognizing and owning the emotions and judgments that lead to conflict.
Shema, listening – allowing our young people to talk while we hold back on the critiques, suggestions, or judgments.Listening, we learned, is a form of sacred communication, that needs to be practiced. Our most sacred act, reciting our most sacred prayer, compels us shema yisrael – listen you Jewish people.

In chevruta (study pairs), we delved into favorite texts about these three Jewish values. We then talked about situations for which we might have responded differently (better?) had we thought about this particular value or text.

Are you interested in exploring more Jewish texts about effective communication? Check out our favorites!

By the way, the Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting is hosting presentations in the coming months to help parents improve our parenting:

Parent/Teen Collaboration Models: How and Why to Work With Your Teen To Raise Your Teen on Wednesday, November 30, 2011 at 6:30 pm with Dr. Bruce Powell who knows teens. In addition to raising his own 4 children, Dr. Powell, founder and Head of School at New Community Jewish High School, was instrumental in founding two other LA Jewish High Schools. This is NOT a recruitment event for the High School; we bring Dr. Powell to Or Ami because his parenting wisdom is so enlightening and helpful.

Cyberbullying: What Families Don’t Know Will Hurt Them on Wednesday, December 7, 2011 at 7:00 pm with the Anti-Defamation League’s Eva Vega-Olds, Project Director (Pacific Southwest Region A World of Difference® Institute) and Matt Friedman, Associate Regional Director.This interactive workshop for parents and teens (grade 7 and older) will increase understanding and awareness about the problem of cyberbullying, educate and empower adult family members to effectively discuss and respond to experiences with cyberbullying, and provide tools and skills to teens for responding to cyberbullying and being allies to others.

Rabbi Kipnes’ Top 10 Tips for Raising Decent Jewish Teens and Pre-teens on Wednesday, February 8, 2012 at 6:30 pm. Come learn with Rabbi Kipnes how to effectively communicate with your kids about sex, drugs, love and more.

Or Ami as an Ever-Expanding Group of Centers

2011-11-17T13:39:00.001-08:00

What’s a synagogue?

The traditional answer (in Talmud BavaMetzia 28b) is a synagogue is a Beit Midrash (house of study), a Beit Knesset(house of assembly), and a Beit Tefillah (house of prayer). Many synagoguestoday add a fourth, that it should also be a Beit Tikkun Olam (house of socialjustice).

At Congregation Or Ami, we see our synagogue as a series ofintersecting circles, a community of communities. Where the Talmud speaks about three Bayit’s (houses), wetend to talk about an ever-expanding group of Centers. Like the Kabbalistic sefirot which are interrelated, each Center addressesmeta-concerns of overlapping communities within Or Ami and our surrounding Valleys.

At present, we have two formalized Centers:

our Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting, which helps us -parents, teachers and other adults – to discover healthy ways to raise ethical,Jewishly connected young people and guides us as we become “parents” for ouraging parents, and
our Or Ami Center for Tikkun Olam, recently inaugurated,which aims to nurture young people who are committed to and skilled at beingJewish social justice activists.

I dream of a third center, an Or Ami Center for JewishCulture, which would bring Jewishly-relevant arts, music, drama and othermedia, to Congregation Or Ami to elevate our aesthetic sense of Judaism.

While the creation of this third Center for Jewish Culture is still a way off, I invite you to join me this Sunday night (November 20th) from5:00-7:00 pm at our Mureau Road sanctuary for a fantastic performance:

Actor and Playwright Tom Dugan will perform selectedscenes from his critically acclaimed one-man play, Nazi Hunter: Simon Wiesenthal, followed by a question and answerperiod. Nazi Hunter: Simon Wiesenthal waswritten and is performed by Mr. Dugan. This one-man play is historical andprovides a narrative of Wiesenthal's life as he transforms himself from avictim of the Nazis into the renowned hunter of Nazi war criminals. Nazi Hunter: Simon Wiesenthal hasbeen nominated for three LA Theatre Ovation Awards. Clickhere for the flyer. RSVP by email to Joy Haines.To read glowing reviews of the play, Nazi Hunter, clickhere for LA Times review and clickhere for Jewish Journal review. This event is open to adults of all ages. Come join us for an enjoyableevening.

2011-11-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

I just signed onto a petition to the United States Senate, urging them to push forward the Respect for Marriage Act, which would repeal the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act. I have written before about the sanctity of unions between gay men and between lesbians. It is about B'tzelem Elohim, that we were all created in the image of God.

Petition to the Senate

Push forward DOMA repeal!

Dear Senator,

As a supporter of the Human Rights Campaign, I am writing to urge you to push forward the Respect for Marriage Act (S.598), introduced by Sen. Feinstein. As you know, this bill would repeal the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act, and provide equal federal marriage rights to legally committed same-sex couples.

The Human Rights Campaign has been fighting to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act ever since it was enacted -- from the delivery of over 340,000 petition signatures and letters to Congress in just the past two years to HRC President Joe Solmonese's testimony at the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in July.

It's time to advance the Respect for Marriage Act. With the Senate Judiciary Committee now moving this bill forward, I'm counting on you to demonstrate a commitment to the cause of equality by doing everything in your power to repeal DOMA.

I and a majority of Americans support the repeal of this law, and I thank you for considering our position at this critical time for the issue of equality.

Perhaps you will consider signing onto the petition also. Click here.

Shiviti: Sometimes God's Wisdom is Right Before Us

2011-11-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes wisdom is right before us. Sometimes God's presence is nearby, if only we open our eyes to it.

On a plane ride back from installing our former intern, now rabbi, Brett Krichiver as Senior Rabbi of Indianapolis Hebrew Congregation, I was thinking about an issue that was troubling me. Instead of wasting the time playing games on my iPhone, I took out my iPad to read. Instead of reading the delicious novel, I picked up the book our other Rabbi Julia Weisz and I assigned to ourselves. Next thing I knew, there before my eyes was a response to the troubling issue.

God's presence, nearby, directed me to find my own answer. At least that's how I see it.

Similarly, the Velveteen Rabbi (a poet, a fellow blogger) explores the desire to find God - and find wisdom - in the most painful of places. I thank her again for her piercing wisdom.

SHVITI - a poem about finding God, even when it hurtsby the Velveteen Rabbi

I keep God before me always. -- Psalm 16:8

Always before me:
in the checkout line
at the pharmacy
where I'm reading mail
on my phone, in the pixels
of my computer screen

in the locked ward
where I never know
who will wantto talk about God
and who will shuffle past
without meeting my eyes

in the stranger
whose barbed words
leave me sick and sad
and in the tallit
I wrap around my shoulders
to hold me together

in my toddler's cries
at four in the morning
in the painful conversation
I don't want to begin
in every ache
help me to find You

The Velveteen Rabbi continues:

The title of this poem is the Hebrew word "Shviti," which means "I have set" (or, more colloquially, "I keep.") It is the first word of the line from psalms which serves as this poem's epigraph. Artistically, a shviti is an image (usually of God's name) designed as a focus for meditation on the presence of the divine. (Here are images of a whole bunch of them.)

The Baal Shem Tov, founder of Hasidism, teaches that this word is related to the Hebrew word hishtavut, which means "equanimity." When I keep God always before me, then I have equanimity; nothing can shake me. (I posted about this teaching back in 2007.) This is not an easy teaching to embody.

It's easy (for me) to find holiness, and to find God's presence, in the world's beauty: the pink smear of sunrise across the horizon, a child's laughter, the embrace of a friend. It's a lot harder (for me) to recognize the presence of God in suffering and in discord. But even in what hurts, there is opportunity to open the heart to God.

Wishing all of y'all a Shabbat of wholeness and peace.

Protecting Our Children

2011-11-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

Today I signed onto an OPEN LETTER to Village Voice Media, saying that "we agree with 51 Attorneys General. Girls and boys should not be sold for sex on Village Voice Media’s Backpage.com."

Mr. Jim Larkin, CEO and Chair
Members of the Board of Directors
Village Voice Media

Dear Mr. Larkin and the Board of Directors of Village Voice Media:

It is a basic fact of the moral universe that girls and boys should not be sold for sex.

So we were surprised and stunned to realize your company, Village Voice Media, continues to publish an Adult section on its classifieds Web siteBackpage.com that has been used as a platform for the trafficking of minors.

Arrests of adults selling minors for sex via Backpage.com have been reported by the media in Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Kansas, Maryland,Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Mexico, Ohio, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. And these are just some of the cases that have been documented.

As moral and religious leaders of many creeds and backgrounds, we are united in calling on your publication to shut down the Adult section of Backpage.com. We appreciate your efforts to put in place new measures attempting to screen for ads featuring minors.

However, we do not believethat these measures are doing enough to adequately solve the problem, and we share the opinion of the nation’s 51 Attorneys General that the bestway to eradicate your company’s connection with the sex trafficking of minors is to shut down the Adult section of your Web site, as Craigslist did.

We trust that your company shares our outrage over the sex trafficking of minors. While we empathize with your business challenges and the increasingly difficult marketplace in which Village Voice Media competes, we trust that you are committed to running your business withoutcompromising the lives of our nation’s girls and boys.

We know there is much more to be done to end the sex trafficking of minors beyond what we ask of you. Ending this practice for good requires agroundswell of people in our business, media, and religious communities joining together in partnership. We need educational campaigns and robustlaw enforcement to challenge all dimensions of the problem, including the poverty and abuse at the root of the practice.

But we can do something right now to help these girls and boys. Please shut down the Adult section of Backpage.com immediately so that no minor is exploited through advertisements on your Web site.

[The letter is signed by leaders of national religious organizations including: Rabbi David Saperstein, Director of URJ Religious Action Center for Reform Judaism and Rabbi Jill Jacobs, Executive Director of Rabbis for Human Rights-North America...

... and now by me...

Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Congregation Or Ami, Calabasas, CA

Learn more about this campaign to protect our children on the Groundswell website. Perhaps you will sign onto the citizens letter.

Henaynu Caring Community Youth Coordinator: Helping Teens Reach Out To Each Other

2011-11-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

What might a young person appreciate when he or she is sick, loses a grandparent, or has some other problem? Besides the love and support of parents, he/she also might enjoy the support and text/email/Facebook outreach from his/her peers.

That is why Congregation Or Ami is preparing to unveil a new way that we will be extending the love and support of the Henaynu Caring Community Committee to our youth.

Beginning very soon, a congregant will assume the role of Henaynu Youth Coordinator (HYC). Her responsibilities will be:

To compile a list of 6th-12th grade youth who are willing to reach out to other youth who are facing illness or other difficult times;

HYC will create a short blurb to put in the Illuminating News, for a few weeks in a row, asking for teens and middle schoolers to volunteer to be in contact with other teens in need. The blurb will be sent to our Program and Marketing Director for inclusion in Illuminating News and run between 2-4 times.
HYC will arrange with our Rabbi to come to a Temple Teen Night to speak with students to invite them to volunteer.
HYC will connect with the LoMPTY youth group leader, who will serve as LoMPTY Henaynu Contact.

To collect the email addresses, cell phone numbers (for texting) and Facebook contact info for these volunteer youth;
To create (with Henaynu Caring Community Chairs and with Rabbi Kipnes) guidelines for how teens can reach out to other youth: what to say, how often to contact, what to report back to HYC;
Upon hearing about a young person who is sick either through the Henaynu Tracker (caring community email system) or from a contact with the Henaynu Chairs or Rabbis, to contact LoMPTY Henaynu Contact and other youth volunteers and invite/encourage them to call/email/text/Facebook, and report back that they did.

I wonder if other synagogues have created a youth outreach component to their Caring Community program. I look forward to finding out.

If your Or Ami 6th-12th grader is interested involunteering, please contact me and I will pass their information on to ourHenaynu Youth Coordinator.

Suicide, Drinking and Dying: What to Say to Your Children (and yourself)

2011-11-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

Suicide, Drinking, and Dying

What To Say to Your Children (and yourself)

The news spread quickly, which is to be expected when it involves a pair of suicides of young people and the death of another, allegedly by alcohol poisoning.

Those who knew the young men and even those who did not, are shocked, scared and anxious. Many are reviewing their interactions with these youth to see if they missed any signs about what the young people were thinking. Others are wondering how someone could be considering such drastic action and they did not know it.

Some parents are wondering how to help their children deal with this tragedy. Others are wondering if they are missing signs from their own children. Still others are wondering where God is in all of this.

Our hearts break for their families; we seek to console them, their loved ones, and our loved ones. What can we say that will be meaningful to our children, to the families of the deceased... to ourselves?

In conjunction with the Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting, we offer these resources written and/or compiled by Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Cantor Doug Cotler and Rabbi Julia Weisz:

5 Initial Thoughts when Dealing with Teens after a Suicide

Be with them, let them talk, or cry, or just be. Suicide is confusing and it may take time for your child to open up and begin to talk about it.
While most suicidal individuals give off warning signs, many of these signs are missed by even those closest to them. Scrutinizing past interactions for such signs is normal, brought about by feelings of guilt, sadness or remorse. Listen to your child, don't dismiss his/her sadness, but remind him/her that even those closest to the person who killed himself did not recognize the signs.
Most adolescents have thoughts at one time or another about suicide. It is NORMAL to have such thoughts. Let your child know that he or she can talk to you about anything. Be prepared not to "freak out" if your child shares such thoughts.
If necessary, and if your child needs it, consult with a therapist who works with youth. I would be glad to refer you to such individuals.
Please do not hesitate to contact Congregation Or Ami (818-880-4880) to talk to Rabbi Julia Weisz or with me. When you call, please let them know it is about the suicides and that this is very important.

Read Facing a Suicide: Talking to Your Kids..., for:

Some Statistics and Facts Concerning YOUTH Suicide
Six Warning Signs
Seven Things to Do: When You Suspect Suicidal Feelings: How You Can Help

Read A Letter to our Teens and College Students: About Safe Places and Safe People... Like Your Rabbi and Cantor

An Excerpt: ...Your rabbis and cantor reach out to our teens after the Tyler Clementi suicide: Whether you are gay, straight, bi or transgendered or just plain confused, Judaism teaches that each individual is created B'tzelem Elohim, in the image of God. It does not matter what other people think about you as you struggle to figure out what you think about yourself... If you are feeling sad, angry, scared or any of a myriad of confusing emotions, and you need someone to talk to, please be in touch with one of us. And always remember that you have rabbis and a cantor and a community that care about you deeply and accept you for who you are. No matter what.

Read Death and Dying: Talking to Your Kids... for:

Resources for Helping Your Child Cope
Deciphering what is on a Child's Mind
Guidance for Talking to Childen of Different Ages
How to Comfort the Mourner
What to Say and Not to Say When a Child Dies

Read Talking to Your Child about Death and Dying

Read Some Jewish Responses

Finally, pass this onto friends, teachers, and others for whom this information might be helpful.

In the days and weeks ahead, may you find the courage and fortitude to face the realities of life:

that some live and some die
that sometimes things just don't make sense

that we can chose:

to hold those we love closer
and to count our blessings.

Your rabbis and cantor are always here to talk to, to consult with, to listen. Because we care for you.

2011-10-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Rabbi Donniel Hartman, President of Shalom Hartman Institute and Director of the Engaging Israel Project, wrote this article about Living with Missiles. Because it offers an important perspective on how to live in a dangerous neighborhood, the article appears fully. It is well worth the read:

By DONNIEL HARTMAN

It’s a strange thing, having to live with missiles. Even though it has happened so often, it just doesn’t feel normal. One would not expect that the citizens of a normal country would be subjected from time to time to a barrage of missiles which terrorize, maim, and sometimes kill. One would not expect that a country with Israel’s power would find its hands tied and unable to provide for its citizens the security that is their inalienable right.

Terror has become “normal,” and when kept to a certain degree, tolerable, in modern society. We have come to learn that there are evil and deranged people and groups walking in our midst for whom the language of ethics and sanctity of life are meaningless. But we tolerate them mostly because we don’t know where they are. They emerge and inflict their harm, and what we tolerate is not so much them, but the price they extract from us.

The case of the missiles being fired at Israel from the Gaza Strip has a bizarre twist, for the terrorists are neither hidden nor unknown. They hide in plain sight in the midst of a civilian population and cloak their evil under the mantle of the generic Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the ongoing “cycle of violence.” They roam free, openly declare their intent, and from time to time, on the basis of a schedule known only to them, decide to spend a few hours terrorizing southern Israel.

It’s not normal, and the situation is profoundly intolerable. How should we - the sovereign Jewish State of Israel - respond to this abnormality? On the one hand, sovereignty entails the acquiring of power and both the ability and right to exercise it in self-defense. Sovereignty provides us with a military option. The challenge of a sovereign people, however, is to distinguish between the right to use this option and when it is right to do so.

The nature of asymmetrical war and a conflict not merely with a terrorist organization but also with a population which embraces terrorism is that one’s options are profoundly limited. Neither political overtures nor concessions, or conversely, sanctions will transform the population of Gaza from foe to friend. They have fed themselves a steady diet of evil ideology from which only they can free themselves. At the same time, a reoccupation of Gaza will not alter the reality on the ground but at best merely freeze it for a short time. When one has the power and confronts a situation in which one has the right to use it, it takes great strength to avoid the temptation of succumbing to the short-term comfort associated with using it and the just feeling of revenge which it provides. We come from a tradition which has taught that true strength is sometimes to be found in self-control.

So, where does that leave us, we the sovereign Jewish State, with our powerful army and a just cause?
I don’t know. But what I do know is that when one doesn’t know, it’s best not to pretend that one does. This has been the policy of the Israeli government over the last number of years, and despite my frustration, I commend it for having the ongoing wisdom that it has exhibited in not pretending that it possesses a magic bullet.

While I don’t know, I wonder whether a policy of targeted assassinations of leadership would not move the status quo slightly in our favor. I mention this consideration only because it is self-evident that neither Hamas nor Islamic Jihad, nor other rogue terrorist groups that call Gaza their home, are potential peace partners. The same logic, which guides the United States policy against al-Qaeda, should be assessed as to whether it would be constructive here.

Israeli society must double and triple its efforts to ensure that those in harm’s way feel that their danger and pain is shared by us all. The citizens of the south do not need empty gestures of solidarity but the real allocation of all the resources necessary in order to ensure their safety to the best of our ability and significant financial compensation to offset the hazard under which they find themselves on an ongoing basis. If life in the south is precarious, then those living in the south must be treated as the pioneers and heroes that they are.

If we cannot destroy our enemy, let’s isolate them. An Israel which initiates peace discussions with those Palestinians who can be peace partners strengthens them, marginalizes the terrorists, and creates a political environment in which Israel has more resources at its disposal to protect itself. Allowing the terrorist reality which is Gaza to define our perspective on our neighborhood is to give them a victory they neither deserve nor warrant.

We need to learn to live in an abnormal world. Our people’s embracing of sovereignty entails a willingness to live within the realities of realpolitik and alas, terror is a part of this reality. To be either passive on the one hand, or to succumb to the fantasy that for every problem there is a military solution, is to perpetuate the childlike naivete of our pre-sovereign existence. Sovereignty has its gifts and its challenges, and as a mature people we have to embrace both.

We need to learn to live in the Middle East. By live, I mean that we cannot allow our neighborhood to define or control our world. While we must learn to respond to their dictates, our priorities and values cannot be exhausted by them. We prevent terror every time our technology knocks one of the missiles out of the sky. We defeat terror when we continue to build a society of values, when we not only worry about whether we will be, but about who we will be. When issues of social justice, loyalty, and kindness, democracy, and Jewish identity reverberate throughout our public conversation and policies we are building foundations of strength which no terrorist can destroy.

It’s a strange thing, having to live with missiles, but live we will.

Introducing Torah Surfing (TM)

2011-10-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

Challenge: Over 1,000 congregants gathered for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur services. All 1,000+ worshippers want to be able to touch or kiss the Torah during the Hakafah. We have only two aisles in the Fred Kavli theater in Thousand Oaks where we worship, and those aisles go up the sides of the theater. Too much of a balagan (craziness) when Torah scrolls are carried up the aisles because of the lack of space in those side aisles.

Idea: Have you ever seen a concert when the musician on the stage turns around, leans back, falls into the up-stretched arms of the crowd? It is called "crowd surfing". Sometimes it looks like this.

Solution: What if the Torah went crowd surfing?

This year, after removing the Torah scrolls from the ark, we had congregant honorees carry two scrolls, one up each of the aisles. Then...

Introducing Torah Surfing (TM): Before the Torah service we explained the following:

Since we have so many congregants who want to honor Torah by touching it or kissing it, and since we only have two aisles down the sides, we want to introduce Torah surfing. After we remove Torah scrolls from the Ark and sing the appropriate prayers, we will send two scrolls up the side aisles, and two scrolls up the center of the crowd. If Torah comes to you, hold it like you would a baby. Use clean hands (and a pure heart); adults only hold it. Using all necessary means, do NOT drop the Torah (which results in a 40 day daytime fast for this whole community; or instead, expect to quadruple your High Holy Day pledge). Go slowly so that everyone has a chance to kiss Torah, using either their tzitzit, their machzor (prayerbook) or their CLEAN hand. Ushers will be at the back of the sanctuary space to receive the Torah scrolls and bring them back to the bimah.

The Result? Check out this video by Michael Kaplan (Torah Surfing (TM) may be seen midway through are pictures/video). Worshippers lovingly carried Torah, held it alot, and stretched out so others could get to touch/kiss the Torah. It was freilich (happy, joyous) and meshugenah (crazy). And it increased Ahavat Torah (the love of Torah).

This Rabbi's Hollywood TV Shoot

2011-10-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

I always expected that Hollywood sets were peopled with entitled stars and prima dona producers. That is, until I spent two days for my star turn as the marrying/burying Rabbi on ABC's Body of Proof. There on location at the hotel, I witnessed one of the nicest and most welcoming workplace environments and approachable cast and crew ever.

Let me step back. As I was elbow deep in preparations for the Jewish High Holy Days, my congregant Matthew Gross approached me about an idea he had for his TV series Body of Proof.

Body of Proof follows the life and career of Medical Examiner Megan Hunt, once a high-flying neurosurgeon, who works in Philadelphia's Medical Examiner's Office. As a Medical Examiner Megan applies her vast medical knowledge, keen instincts and variously charming and scalpel-like personality to the task of solving the medical mysteries of the dead and bringing the people responsible for their deaths to justice.

What did I think, Matt asked, about a wedding where moments before it starts, the bride jumps off the seventh story balcony and falls through the chuppah (marriage canopy)? I told him that I thought he was a sick man if as Executive Producer and Writer, he spent his days dreaming up innovative ways to kill people. Then he made an offer I couldn't refuse...

Would I like to officiate at the wedding and funeral for the show?

Thus I found myself two days after Yom Kippur, dressed in my tallit and "wedding officiation suit," preparing to be filmed at the pre-wedding cocktail reception. After being introduced around to a few of the crew members, I was walked through my role in the scene (no lines but lots of fun nonetheless).

It was during the downtime that my wife Michelle (who was background as a mourner at a funeral) noticed that how wonderfully approachable and kind the people were. They exhibited what we Jews call the middah (or Jewish virtue) of nedivut lev, a generous heart.

The stunt coordinators proudly and patiently explained how they would have a woman fall from seven stories up and "die". The make up guy showed me how they planned to push a leg bone "through the skin." The props and crew showed their faux gravestones, while the lighting crew demonstrated how huge lighting shields brightened a darkening sky. And the on location caterers piled our plates with delicious desserts, that rivaled my parents' baking. Everybody was gracious, inviting, and welcoming.

You'd expect the Hollywood types to be, well, unapproachable. But it wasn't so.

Each actor approached us during our days of filming, to say hi, introduce themselves, and see how we were enjoying being on the set. Over the course of two days, we met most all of them - including Dana Delany (Dr. Megan Hunt), Jeri Ryan (Dr. Kate Murphy), Peter Dunlap (Nicholas Bishop), Sonja Sohn (Det. Samantha Baker), John Carroll Lynch (Det. Bud Morris), Geoffrey Arend (Dr. Ethan Gross), and Windell Middlebrooks (Dr. Curtis Brumfield). And like the episode's director, AD's and the whole crew, they were wonderfully kind.

Knowing that the kindness must emanate from the top, we complimented our host Matt on the kind staff he brought together. Matt indicated that like our Congregation Or Ami - where warmth, kindness and compassion define the community - he and his staff work diligently to surround themselves with like-minded people for whom creating a caring community is a priority.

There is a lesson in there somewhere. That if you want to live a life of kindness and compassion - if you want to be embraced by nedivut lev, by kindness of heart - then surround yourself with people whose personalities bring forth the same. It is easier to be caring when surrounded by caring people.

I have been told that our episode will air over the next few months. Catch up previous episodes of Body of Proof so you will be prepared to understand our episode. Body of Proof airs on ABC-TV Tuesdays at 10 pm/9 Central time. Find out about it on Facebook, Twitter or ABC-TV.

[Full disclosure: (1) I get no kickbacks or residuals if you watch the show or not. But do watch, because it is great. (2) This is not the first show on which I had a walk-on part. Back in the 1990's, when then Executive Producer Ira Steven Behr was a member of my then pulpit Temple Beth Hillel, my wife arranged for me to play a Lieutenant Jr. Grade Starfleet officer in Quark's Bar during a scene on my beloved Star Trek: Deep Space 9 (final season, episode: Strange Bedfellows). It was one of the best birthday presents ever. (3) When not tending to his nascent/non-existent TV career, I am rabbi at Congregation Or Ami and an avid blogger. ]

Still Sitting in the Back of the Bus

2011-10-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

From Anat Hoffman, the Executive Director of the Israel Religious Action Center (IRAC):

Agriculture is one of Israel’s greatest industries. It is innovative and creative. Israeli fields use the least amount of water. Israeli cows have the highest milk production in the world. Israelis have also innovated new fruits and vegetables over the years. Israelis have created the cherry tomato, new types of peppers, and over 400 new varieties of fruits and vegetables. Israel exports these all over the world.

Recently however, Israel has begun exporting a diseased fruit; a fundamentalist interpretation of Judaism.According to this extremist view, men and women must be separated from each other in the public sphere; at the Western Wall, at the bank, on a public street, in a post office, on a bus, and in a cemetery. He who stays away from women is the most religious. So men who want to score high on religiosity won’t ride buses with women, won’t shop with women, and won’t hear them sing.This sort of fundamentalist view of religiosity, fertilized by the government, has now been exported to New York as well.

Last week, it was discovered that a publicly funded bus in Brooklyn, the B110, has been forcing women to sit in the back of the bus so men do not need to see them. Even though this fruit has a Jewish star on it and says imported from Israel, it is a fake Jewish product that is dangerous, illegal, and backwards. Throw it out. Judaism has never had monks and this radical view towards separation of women goes against 2000 years of history.

At IRAC, we are promoting and fighting for pluralism every day. Extreme elements in the ultra-orthodox community are still trying to force women, both religious and secular, to sit in the back half of city buses. This is in direct violation of Israeli law and counter to a recent Supreme Court ruling on the matter. IRAC and its volunteer Freedom Riders have been monitoring the situation by constantly riding the bus lines the ultra-orthodox are trying to segregate. We have seen results but much more needs to be done so we are launching a Freedom Rider campaign for Americans.

We invite all congregations coming to Israel, to join us for a two and half hour program, where you will ride a segregated bus and get an up close look at the situation on the ground. We have been doing this successfully with Israelis and it has made a difference, one bus at a time. Take part in the change IRAC is bringing to Israeli society. Anita Silver, who lives in New York, participated in many freedom rides with us during her visit to Israel and said “It was the highlight of my trip. I encourage everyone to take a ride to help Israel stay on the right route.”

For more information see the IRAC's Freedom Rider webpage.

Gilead Shalit's Release - Reflections of an Israeli Rabbi

2011-10-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

We celebrate the release of Gilead Shalit from more than 5 years of captivity. After observing the High Holy Days with his picture sharing our bimah, we take comfort that our prayers are answered.

It is difficult to gauge from the United States what Shalit's coming home feels like to the citizens of Israeli Progressive Movement Rabbi Mickey Boyden, shared these reflections with rabbinic colleagues. With his permission, I invite you to read his stirring words:

Eyes were glued to the TV screens as we watched Gilead Shalit being transferred by the Hamas to the Egyptians. He looked pale and thin - so different from the condition of the Palestinian terrorists, who were released in the prisoner exchange. (Israel TV reported that Gilead felt nauseous while on board the IDF helicopter that took him to the Tel Nof base and that he had to be given oxygen. All those who accompanied him said that he was extremely weak.)

And then there were the two Palestinian female terrorists, who held up the transfer because of their desire to be released to Egypt rather than being sent to Gaza. One wonders why.

But most cruel was the interview that Egyptian TV forced on Gilead Shalit before he was finally handed over to Israel. Although Gilead was clearly under tremendous emotional strain and was being tortured with questions, his answers were nevertheless thoughtful and to the point. He hoped that the peace process could be advanced and believed that additional Palestinian prisoners could be released in the future provided that they refrained from further acts of terror.

In contrast to the Egyptian TV propaganda assault on Gilead, the manner he was treated by Israel was entirely different. Even those all Israel's TV and radio stations devoted all of their programmes to Gilead's release, there were nevertheless no interviews with him, the press was kept at a distance and the only film footage and photos to be released were those taken by the IDF. Apart from one photograph released by the IDF, the emotional reunion
between Gilead and his family took place behind closed doors.

While today is a day of celebration in Gaza and Ramallah, feelings in Israel are far more muted. There is joy at Gilead's release after over five years of solitary confinement while in captivity, but there is also the recognition that many terrorists with blood on their hands were set free instead of spending the rest of their lives in prison. It was only last night that Israel's Supreme Court ruled against the petition by families of terror victims, who tried to stop the exchange taking place.

However, against that, there was the memory of how there might have been a chance of rescuing Ron Arad, but that that opportunity had been missed. Gilead Shalit had to be brought home in one piece and almost at any price.

There are already calls for the reinstitution of the death penalty for terrorists found guilty of murdering Israeli civilians. There are those who believe that the Knesset should pass legislation against prisoner exchanges of this nature in the future. However, there are also the calls of those who believe that Gilead's release should serve as a springboard for trying to reach some kind of an accommodation with the Palestinians in general and Hamas in particular.

In spite of everything, today is nevertheless one of joy for us all as we see Gilead finally returned to his family.

Mo'adim l'simcha,

Micky Boyden
We Are For Israel
www.WeAreForIsrael.org

Sukkah as Time Machine

2011-10-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

This year, we built our sukkah in stages: the structure was reconstructed by the boys and my parents, the top was relaid by me late one afternoon, and the decorating happened betwixt and between with the help of the whole family. It was wonderful to welcome friends, relatives and some members of our Or Ami family into our sukkah for dinner and celebration.

Recently, I came across this beautiful explanation of the sukkah. Compliments to the website of Temple Isaiah of Los Angeles:

In many ways the sukkah is like a time machine. When we sit in this sketch of a home, we are transported to the desert where the Israelites wandered for forty years. We might remember that the rabbinic legend which says the sukkot the Israelites dwelt in were made from clouds God provided for them. We are also transported to Israel, where during the harvests the farmers would live out in their fields in little booths to be able to keep watch over their crops. As we sit in the flimsy sukkah, we might also be transported to Skid Row where people live in flimsy makeshift homes of boxes and scrap wood. We might think about the tsunami, or Hurricane Katrina, and how despite the walls we build, how vulnerable we really are. When we build a sukkah we remember that our strongest foundation lies in our relationships with each other as well as our deeds.

Sukkot is more than the reenactment of the Israelite’s wandering in the desert toward the Land of Promise. It is the acknowledgment that we are all wanderers in this world. We are all transients in the world’s ageless history, and when we erect a temporary sukkah, we are essentially nailing our tent pegs into the rich earth of eternity. We are acknowledging that we are transients, but we are simultaneously staking our faith in everlasting truth. When we realize the beauty and hope of Sukkot, we cannot help but rejoice.

May we rejoice of the many blessings and abundances that we count in our lives.

Top 15 Reasons Rabbi Julia Weisz is So Fabulous

2011-10-13T20:56:00.001-07:00

On Friday night (October 13th), at the Rudyan Family Campfire Circle Or Ami consecrates (formerly "installs") Julia Weisz as Or Ami's second rabbi. Through a Sukkot inspired ceremony, she officially joins the clergy team with Cantor Doug Cotler and me. Come celebrate with us (6:00 pm for a BYO picnic; 7:30 pm for the service).

Rabbi Weisz served for two years as Or Ami's Rabbinic Intern. Last year, she also served as our Educator. She has become an integral part of our Or Ami community. Why?

Top 15 Reasons Why Rabbi Julia Weisz is So Fabulous

Her energy and enthusiasm for Jewish learning is transforming our educational programs.
She has inspired over 32 teens to become Madrichim, teen teaching assistants in Kesher, Mishpacha and Hebrew Tutoring.
In partnership with our program director Marsha Rothpan, she has developed an exciting, engaging program of adult learning.
She fits well into our clergy team of Rabbi Paul and Cantor Doug.
She delivers meaningful sermons.
She tells great Shabbat stories.
Her counseling is particularly insightful.
Her wit is wonderful.
Rabbi Paul and Cantor Doug have particularly enjoyed having another colleague to brainstorm with and learn from.
As Super Kesher, she makes our students love being at Or Ami.
She epitomizes Henaynu, our commitment to being there for each other.
She has reinvigorated our High Holy Day youth program.
Her Faculty meetings are incredibly inclusive.
She looks way better in a dress than either Rabbi Paul or Cantor Doug (as they have done on many a Purim night).
She is a fabulous female Jewish role model for our youth.

Add to our list: What other reasons is Rabbi Julia so fabulous?

Gilad Is Coming Home: A Bittersweet Victory?

2011-10-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

Gilad Shalit is to be freed. A deal with Hamas, Israel's terrorist neighbor, has been struck in which one Israeli soldier (held for 5 years without a Red Cross visit) is to be traded for 1,000 Palestinians in Israeli jails.

A bittersweet victory. Celebration mixes with worry.

We celebrate that Gilad is to be freed. We worry that such a trade will make it more likely that Hamas or others will try to kidnap other Israeli soldiers. We kvell that Israel will go to great lengths to bring their soldier-citizens home. We are made anxious that it might appear like Israel is negotiating with terrorists.

As Rabbi Josh Hammerman explains:

For Jews, this is a classic search for the lesser of the evils, a choice we’re quite experienced at making. The Talmud considers “Pidyon Shevuyim,” the rescue of captives, to be among the highest of priorities (Bava Batra 8b) and later legal authorities concur. Medieval Jewish communities often were called upon to pony up big bucks to redeem kidnapped kin. In contemporary Israel, it has become standard practice to swap busloads of prisoners for one captive soldier, or even for his remains.

How do we reconcile these complex feelings? The Israeli Movement for Progressive Judaism released this statement which concludes:

The Book of Ecclesiastes, which we read on the festival of Sukkot, teaches us that “there is a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” The reality of life in Israel often requires us to laugh and cry at the same time; to dance while we are still mourning. We will continue to cherish the memory of the victims of terror even as our hearts fill with joy as God returns Gilad to his family.

Here are a few thought-provoking articles:

Everyone's Son (Gilad Shalit is Every Israeli's Son) by Yossi Klein HaLevy in Tablet Magazine. In opposing the mass release of terrorists in exchange for Gilad Shalit’s freedom, I felt as if I was betraying my own son.
A Thousand Terrorists for Shalit? Rabbi Joshua Hammerman in The Jewish Week. Is the release of Gilad Shalit worth an exchange of a thousand Hamas prisoners, including some who have blood on their hands and could well kill more innocent Israelis (and others)?

We conclude with a Prayer from Rabbi Joel Simmonds:

M'kor Chayim (Source of Life), as we enter this holiday of Sukkot we are reminded of the command to be joyful.

As this festival is called Z'man Simchateinu, the time of our joy, we enter it with a cautious pinch of optimism.

As we welcome guests into our Sukkot we rejoice as Gilad Shalit will be welcomed back into the Sukkat Shalom of Eretz Yisrael.

Just as our Sukkot are temporary dwellings; fragile and vulnerable to the elements, so too is the hope for peace.

May our feet dance with added joy in our Sukkot this year and may the temporary joy spill into this new year as Gilad our son and brother is permanently home.

Why Do the Good Die Young? Resources for Thinking about Death

2011-10-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

Today our community gathers to bury Dean Hilborne, a young 53-year-old man, who leaves a wife and 2 teenage children. We will struggle to find meaning in his death; we will grapple with how to talk about this loss with our children and our loved ones. Here are a few resources to help:

Talking to Kids about Death and Dying
Why Do the Good Die Young? A Conversation with God (Download the full article)
What Happens After I Die? (Download article and scroll it's middle )

Reflections on Tragic Deaths: Why Do the Good Die Young? A Conversation with God

What a pair of months February and March were last year; so much tragedy. A 13-year-old was killed crossing the street. A vibrant teenager – a student at our local New Community Jewish High School – was lost in a car accident. A 21-year-old rabbi’s son was struck down by a car while at college. A 42-year-old mother – our congregant – died in a snowboarding accident. A 49-year-old “pied piper” of a man – another congregant – dropped dead from a heart attack. Thousands of people came to the funerals.

I noticed that God attended each funeral, but amidst the many tear-filled eulogies, there wasn’t time for God to speak. So God sat quietly at the side – listening, crying. God left quietly after each funeral ended, and almost no one realized that God had been there. I did take notice. Wondering what God might have said had God been invited to deliver a eulogy, I dashed out after the Holy One. Still reeling from these funerals, I wondered if God could make sense of these senseless deaths. I asked if God had time to talk, and God was willing. We strolled through the cemetery, talking quietly.

***

Man: So God, what did you think of the funerals? (Read more)

To Fast or Not to Fast... Think about This

2011-10-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

Yom Kippur, unique among the Jewish holy days, lacks its own culinary customs. Aside from the break-the-fast, which though historically was done without fanfare but now might even be catered affairs, Yom Kippur is the only major holy day not tied to food. Jews fast for the 25 hours. At least most Jews do.

Should you fast? Why bother? What is the meaning of the fast?

It is about Getting into the Fast Lane
for a More Meaningful Holy Day

Michelle and I have noticed that in preparing for visits by my parents, we talk little with my folks about the places they would go or the things they would do. However discussions about food consume inordinate amount of time and attention. What will we eat? Where will we eat? This we talk about. Should we go out to dinner or will Dad cook up one of his gourmet dishes? Before one sumptuous multi-course meal ends, we are caught up discussing what we would eat next. Michelle and I just laugh because this food fetish is played out in similar ways at her family gatherings. Ah, the ties that bind.

Still, as humorous as these discussions are, they border on discomfort. Why are we all so obsessed with food? And why does this obsession seem so Jewish? Just to raise that question is to invite a din of jokes: "What else do Jews do but eat?" We are obsessed as people with food: whether by the minutea of keeping Kosher, or by our passion for the unkosher delights of Chinese food.

Rabbi Arthur Waskow, author of Dawn to Earth Judaism, suggests that this focus on food is very Jewish. Nearly every Jewish holiday involves the consumption of food. On Passover, we gather and pray around a dinner table, eating foods to symbolize our exodus to freedom. Shabbat begins with a family sit down dinner and does not conclude until a seudah shleesheet, a third meal before sundown. Hanukkah has its latkes and sufganiot (donuts), Purim has its hamantaschen, and Shavuot has its dairy (or in our tradition, sumptuous cheesecake). We eat to usher the New Year and Rosh HaShana. We eat to end Yom Kippur. In fact, many Jews define themselves in relation to the food they eat. "I keep Kosher", "I eat treif". "I'm a bagels and lox Jew."

Rabbi Arthur Waskow notes that Jews can trace back to our Biblical beginnings. Many cultures have a tale of the first rebellion, the first painful crossover into making a painful history. In some, like the Greek mythic tales, it is an act of murder. Or sex. Or stealing fire. Or creating knowledge. But of all possibilities, what did Jewish culture choose as the symbol for beginning history? Eating. Did the fruit-eating episode from the Garden of Eden myth focus our anxiety about the world on food? Or did the reality of our everyday lives give shape to the myth? We may never know. What we can conform, however, is that behind the jokes we tell today there is a delicious reality of long ago: that food was simultaneously so important and so problematic to the ancient Israelites that they gave it a central place in their culture and that they gave it publicly, clearly, consciously rather than covered and uncovered by jokes. They created what Rabbi Waskow calls "a sacred history of food".

Given all this focus on food in Judaism, doesn't it strike you as ironic that on one of the holiest days of the year, Yom Kippur, we Jews are told to reign in on this natural impulse to eat? Doesn't it seem preposterous that the people who brought compote to the new world should be expected to fast? Rabbi Harold Kushner, author Why Bad Things Happen to Good People series of books, jokes that if the message of the free market economy is that there is no free lunch. the message of Yom Kippur is that there is no lunch.

Why do we fast on Yom Kippur? I suspect that many of us, those who will observe the day-long fast on Yom Kippur and those who will excuse themselves from it, misunderstand the reasons. We don't fast to make up for all the self-indulgence we permit ourselves during the rest of the year. If that were the reason, we would have to fast for much more than one day to do that. And we don't fast so that God will see our discomfort and feel pity for us and grant our prayers. This was the mistaken understanding of the people who confronted the prophet Isaiah in the Yom Kippur Haftarah portion, who said "What's the matter with God? We've fasted all day, we've bowed our heads like a tree in a storm, we've made ourselves miserable. Why hasn't God answered our prayers?" When you think of all the people who are really suffering in the world, who are starving and dying, how could it ever have occurred to us that God should have to make something up to us because we've skipped lunch? No, the purpose of our fasting is not to send a message to God, but to deliver a message to ourselves.

Rabbi Harold Kushner suggests that fasting exercises our soul. Let me explain. The relevant passage in the Torah says v'initem et nafshoteichem, which in the 16th century King James Bible translation was rendered "you shall afflict your souls." That is, we fast to make ourselves suffer because that's what we deserve. That may have been the theological outlook of 16th century England, but I'm not sure that was what the Torah had in mind. Modern scholars take the words v'initem et nafshoteichem to mean "you shall restrain your instincts, you shall practice self-control."

We are asked to fast on Yom Kippur not to afflict ourselves but to glory in the fact that we are human. We can do what no other living creature on the face of God's earth can do; we can say No to instinct. We can be hungry, but we choose not to eat. We can be angry, but we do not strike out. We can be sexually attracted but we restrain ourselves. No other species can do that.

When you think about it, how much of the suffering in today's world is caused by people who cannot say "No" to instinct? The man or woman who eats too much or drinks too much or takes drugs, and hates him or herself for it. The person who is hurt or angry, and just wants to go out and hurt somebody to get even. The basically honest person who has access to other people's money and cannot resist taking some of it for him or herself. And when these people try to excuse themselves by saying "what do you want from me; I'm only human," Judaism's answer is "to be human means precisely to be able to say No to temptation, to instinctual drives." Human nature is different from Nature. In the world of Nature, if you're hungry, you eat. If you're sexually aroused, you mate. If you're stronger, you take what you want. But in the world of human nature, you control your instincts, they don't control you. That is why the Jewish religion is so supportive of 12-step programs. People in need turn to God for help controlling their natural instincts.

You might think of it this way: there may come a time in your life when your future happiness will depend on being able to say No to something very tempting. It may be a shady business deal; it may be an illicit sexual involvement. Whatever it is, you will know that it is wrong but it will be very tempting. If all your life, you have had no experience saying No to temptation, if all you life you have been told that if you want something, you can have it, what are the odds you will get it right now when so much is riding it? But if your experience as a Jew has been a whole series of moral calisthenics, exercises in overriding instinct, what does that do to your chances of getting it right? So we jump into the fast lane, we fast on Yom Kippur, to teach ourselves that we can do it, that it is not that hard to say No to instinct and to learn that "I am human" is not a confession of weakness but an affirmation of real strength.

A second reason to fast involves death and rejoicing. A paradox, no? People ask me how I am able to officiate at funerals regularly without becoming depressed. I answer that I am terribly saddened by the loss of life, even in cases when I did not know the deceased. In fact, I often shed tears when the circumstances of death hit close to home. Yet I have found that the responsibility of ushering others though the valley of the shadow of death yields an unintended, joyous benefit. It constantly reminds me about how precious life and love ones are. After every funeral I try to clear the air with those whom I am in conflict and I make a point to say "I love you" to my family and friends. So paradoxically funerals help me rejoice at the richness of my life. V'eizeh hu asher? Who is a rich person? asks our tradition? HaSamay-ach b'chelko "The one who is happy with his or her portion."

Fasting on Yom Kippur, teaches my friend Rabbi Ramie Arian, forces us to confront the reality of our death and to rejoice in God's forgiveness. Yom Kippur is the day on which we ask ourselves, as it were, "if I were to have died today, how would I measure up? How would I be judged?" Fasting is one of several rituals that help us get into the mindset to face this question, by imaginatively pre-enacting our own deaths. Other Yom Kippur customs -- refraining from wearing leather, refraining from shaving or washing and wearing kittel -- echo mourning customs. Through fasting, we face our own deaths in order to appreciate our lives and ultimately to make changes necessary so that our lives will become more worthwhile.

The late Rabbi Pinchas Peli, a Jerusalem-based Torah Scholar, observes that while eating, tasting delicious foods, touches us on a personal experimental level, it must not remain a trip of "self purification." This final reason for fasting is one of the oldest. In the Haftarah portion we read on Yom Kippur, The people ask, "Why should we fast if the Eternal God never notices? Why should we go without food if God pays no attention?"

The prophet Isaiah reminds us that the purpose of the fast is to call on us to fulfill our obligations to society and that the way to get closer to God is by caring for people. "In the Haftarah, God says to them: "The truth is that at the same time you fast, you pursue your own interest, and oppress your workers. Your fasting makes you violent and you quarrel and fight. Do you think this kind of fasting will make me listen to your prayers? When you fast, you make yourselves suffer, you bow your heads low like a blade of grass and spread out sackcloth and ashes to lie on. Is that what you call fasting? Do you think I will be pleased with that?"

The kind of fasting I want is this, God says: Remove the chains of oppression and the yoke of injustice, and let the oppressed go free. Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless and the poor. Give clothes to those who have nothing to wear and do not turn away from the needs of your own kin." Fasting is important explains the prophet. But fasting must be accompanied by changes individual and societal behavior for it to have any meaning.

It is Yom Kippur. We gather together for a day of self reflection and renewal. We will search our souls and examine our deeds to assess how we have measured up to all that we could be. Our tradition teaches that this is hard work. Our tradition demands that we make changes. Our tradition offers rituals, including fasting to help us jump start this spiritual quest. On Yom Kippur Jews pray and on Yom Kippur Jews fast. Why not try it? Or try it again? Make Yom Kippur meaningful this year slow down and try to enjoy life in the fast lane.

G'mar Chatima Tova - May you be sealed for a blessing in the Book of Life.

Video: Kindergarteners Show Us How to Begin Teshuva

2011-10-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

Saying "I'm Sorry" is not always easy. It can be uncomfortable or downright embarrassing. Still, we learn from the Talmud that on Yom Kippur, for the ways we have harmed others, the holy day does not atone until we make peace with that other person.

Kindergarten students from Congregation Or Ami's Mishpacha Family Alternative program, led by Mishpacha Coordinators (HUC students) Sarah Lauing and Lisa Berney, made this video to begin the work of teshuva (repenting our mistakes). Teshuva never looked cuter!

Hearing from the Coaches: Most Anxiety-Provoking Moments of the whole High Holy Days

2011-10-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the most anxiety-provoking moment of the High Holy Days arrives well ahead of when I actually deliver my sermon. The anxiety bursts forth between the time I send a draft of the sermon off to my respected reviewers and the moment when I receive their suggestions/edits/critique.

A recent article shed light on the value of professional coaches. Top surgeon Atul Gawande wrote Coaching a Surgeon: What Makes Top Performers Better? in this week's The New Yorker magazine. He explore the question: Top athletes and singers have coaches. Should you?

I have long been a believer that all professionals, even rabbi - especially rabbis, can benefit from personal coaching. In fact, by the time I arrive on the bimah and begin speaking, I have already subjected myself to the critiques of at least a half dozen people. In fact, their opinions make the difference between an adequate sermon and one which has the potential to inspire and motivate. In a good year, I will have practiced delivering my sermon before a few different colleagues or friends to ensure it is "listen-able".

In a sense, these reviewers are my sermon-writing coaches. Their help, like the yoga instructor that pushes me, often causes me much discomfort. (But out of comfort, they say, comes wisdom.) My coaches help me say what I need to say in a way that makes sense and can be heard. They help me cut away the fat (some of which I had originally thought were gems); they push me away from frontal "preaching" toward engaging "storytelling" or "teaching."

They remind me to envision 5-7 different listeners and to consider ahead of time how they might hear the sermon. Humbling as that exercise often is, it regularly forces me to widen my comments to minimize the number of people who are left behind. I long ago became a firm believer that good writing and good preaching emerges from the collaboration and coaching by thoughtful people.

I make a special point of thanking these people in the first endnote on my final publishable copy of the sermon. For my recent sermon, A Letter to My Sons: On Being a Man, I thanked them thusly:

This sermon owes a debt of gratitude to a series of people whose input, comments and edits enhanced this sermon. Rabbi Ronald Stern (of Stephen S. Wise Temple, Los Angeles, CA), Dr. David Rubin (Sherman Oaks, CA), and Rabbi Julia Weisz (of Congregation Or Ami, Calabasas, CA) each offered important insights. Rabbi Dan Moskovitz (of Temple Judea, Tarzana, CA) has long been teaching Jewish men how to be “good men”; he opened his treasure trove of resources via www.Dropbox.com. By far the greatest assistance comes from my wife Michelle November (Associate Director of Admissions, New Community Jewish High School, West Hills, CA), who as usual helped me translate good ideas into comprehensible sermons. This sermon also draws upon knowledge gained as a “social sermon.” On Facebook and Twitter, I asked a series of questions, including, “What should I tell my kids about being a man?” and “What should I tell my kids about sex?” More than two dozen responses from congregants, friends and colleagues influenced this sermon.

Yes, this sermon received intense going over by:

One colleague who currently teaches Homiletics (sermon writing/preaching) in the Rabbinical School of HUC-JIR;
Another colleague is one of the emerging experts on my chosen topic (the American Jewish male);
A third colleague is a newly ordained colleague at our synagogue; I believe that through coaching each other, we develop a learning relationship that makes each of us a better rabbi;
A psychologist doctor who has long been providing me with insights for sermons and on how to handle pastoral issues when they arise;
My wife Michelle who is a master editor, a merciless surgeon of unnecessary or toxic words, and a compassionate yet unforgiving truth-teller.

Over the years I have received coaching help from a Roundtable group of rabbis and social workers, a Spiritual Director, an executive coach, a Hebrew teacher, various yoga instructors, and a series of chevruta partners.

How about you? Where do you receive personal or professional coaching?

On Being a Man: A Letter to My Sons

2011-10-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

Download a PDF of the sermon, complete with references, text sources and thank you's.

And the call went out from God to Abraham: “Take your son, your only son, the one you love, Isaac, take him on a journey, out into the wilderness. It is time for some male bonding. Where you are going is now not important; the conversations you will have are crucial. V’ha’aleihu sham l’olah (Genesis 22:2). Bring him up there as a burnt offering.”

STOP! We need some clarification on just what God meant.

The Hebrew root Ayin-Lamed-Hey means to go up. Thus the word is usually read as olah meaning burnt offering, as in the smoke of the sacrifice goes up to God. But since there are no vowels in the Torah, you could translate that last word – Ayin-Lamed-Hey – not as olah meaning burnt offering, but as aliyah meaning spiritual uplift. Thus God might have meant, “Bring Isaac up for an aliyah, to the top of the mountain for spiritual inspiration. Teach your son about Me, the Holy One. Share with Isaac the unique responsibilities about being the patriarch of a large family. Guide him on how to balance the work and his marriage; how to make time for his children. Listen to his dreams; help alleviate his fears. Teach Isaac about love. Abraham,” God said, “Prepare your son Isaac to become a man.”

From all I have read and studied about this Torah portion, I believe with all my heart and mind that Abraham misunderstood God’s call. Abraham tried to sacrifice his son to pursue his own passions. Like so many parents, Abraham abdicated his responsibility to mentor his son into manhood. And as the Torah tells it, Isaac consequently became a weakened man, unable to manage his relationships, ill equipped to lead his people. And his father Abraham died without having Isaac by his side. Neither of them ever recovered from that missed opportunity.

We need not be like Abraham. We can and should take advantage of every opportunity to mentor young men on what it means to be a man, just as we need to mentor young women into adulthood. We seem to do a far better job mentoring young women these days.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The true test of civilization is not the census, nor the size of cities, nor the crops … but the kind of man the country turns out.” I believe we are at a crossroads in America, as so many boys grow up without a father, and so many fathers abdicate their responsibility to mentor their sons into manhood.

Twenty or thirty years ago, rabbis were giving sermons about expanding the opportunities for women in Jewish ritual and in synagogue leadership. We were speaking about breaking through the glass ceilings that kept women from full participation in Jewish life and the business world. Today, we find ourselves in a different place, needing to address men and their involvement in Jewish life and their children’s lives. In fact, our national Reform Jewish movement, the Union for Reform Judaism, and the Greater Los Angeles Jewish Federation, share that concern, and are devoting substantial money and significant staff time to address the question: “What does it mean to be a Jewish man?” In fact, the Jewish Federation is sponsoring a Father-Son Retreat, It’s a Guy Thing, on December 2-4, 2011.

We all – those who have sons and those without – have a stake in the kind of men our communities raise up, because like women, they will grow up to teach in our universities, govern in our legislatures, and pull the triggers in our armies. Those of us who raise boys into men need to remember that there are things important and unique about the male mind and body that deserve to be cultivated. For those of us who mentor men – whether at work or at home, in the classroom, on ball teams or in art studios – we should consider wisely the kind of men we want to produce. Those who love men might remind those men and ourselves about the unique qualities that make a man “a good man.” Whether we are hiking with the boys or relaxing with a younger colleague, whether coaching on the ball field or helping with the homework, let us transform each encounter with a young man into a teachable moment. Or, if you are a rabbi, you might seek out a uniquely private moment for that deeply personal talk with your sons. Be like me and catch them when they least expect it, like during the middle of the sermon on Rosh Hashana morning.

***

Here’s my letter to my boys. Perhaps you will find meaning in it for your own mentoring conversations with your sons or grandsons, your nephews or sons-in-law, or with others for whom you feel a responsibility to help guide.

***

Dear Daniel and Noah,

I have been watching you closely, realizing how quickly you are growing up. I cannot believe how fast the time has flown by since you last were my little boys, kids who I could toss around the pool or wrestle with without worrying that someone (me) might get hurt. Then Daniel began to drive. Then Noah began to shave. Sooner than I will be ready, you will be on your own – living, learning, working, and loving.

I remember the day that Mom and I named each of you. You were so little, so cute, so vulnerable. We chose names which connected you to our family and our Jewish tradition. We picked names that reflected compassion, confidence, and strength. We aimed to teach each of you to be a mensch, a kindhearted, caring man. Yet ultimately we knew that you alone would determine the name by which you are known in the world.

Being a man is about character. Men, real men, know that manhood is not about size; it’s about quality. The quality of your character ultimately means more than the size of your portfolio. We Americans admire character – like the people who blow the whistle, and the FBI agent who pointed out deficiencies in the agency before 9/11. We admire people who risk life and liberty for a cause, like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Oskar Schindler, and the 9/11 firefighters. But character is also born in a thousand bit parts that never get written up. What you choose to do when the clerk gives you the incorrect change. Whether you give up your seat on the bus for an older person. How calmly you react to someone who is being rude. The best index to a person’s character is (a) how you treat people who can’t do you any good, and (b) how you treat people who can’t fight back.

Judaism teaches that we all were born with a yetzer hatov, an inclination to do good. Insulate your soul for good by following that conscience. Because being a male may be a matter of birth, and being a man is a matter of age, but being a gentleman – a mensch, a good person – is a matter of choice. Strive always to be a gentleman.

Anthropologists suggest that because men cannot birth children, men strive instead to create things and conquer things – in business, in court, or with smart bombs and battleships. That drive in both men and woman is called the yetzer hara, the inclination toward chaos and egotism. The yetzer hara can easily overwhelm our yetzer hatov, the inclination to do good. Especially when we add testosterone into the mix.

How many times do we read about sport players who have temper tantrums on the court or who use steroids? Who can count the number of celebrities who break marriage vows with a string of affairs? In a culture that counsels us to be the best, the most powerful, wealthy, and hyper-sexed, we must empower our yetzer hatov, the inclination toward good, to set us straight. My sons, be honest, be thoughtful, and be monogamous. Treat women and other men as equals and never discriminate against people of a different background, religion, race, or orientation than your own.

Noah and Daniel, one day I hope you will bless Mom and me with many grandchildren. Kids are wonderful and frustrating, inspiring and exhausting. From the moment they are conceived, children become your blessing. Both parents, whether married or not, have the lifelong responsibility of helping to raise them. So be an involved dad or granddad. There will be no deadbeat dads in our family. And if you don’t have children, be involved in the mentoring of others. We all have responsibility for the next generation.

Your children will carry on your influence long after you are gone. Fathers can model for their kids how to be mensches. So be a positive Jewish role model for your children. Let them see you at your best – with your friends, with your family, in the Jewish community and within your career. Help them with homework, play with them in the park, and listen non-judgmentally to their problems. As a parent, you will – necessarily – develop new skills. I got to learn how to hit 250 baseballs in a row and how to throw a Frisbee forehand, because these activities make you happy, and give us time together. Do the same for your own kids.

Being a man is also about working. Many men get a lot of their self-esteem from their work. So seek out a career that you find meaningful. Jewish tradition takes seriously our behavior in our work. According to one tradition, when we die and arrive at the gates of heaven, the very first question we will be asked is Nasata v’natata b’emunah? Did you deal honestly in your business? This question is not just about buying and selling. It’s about integrity. Did you act with honesty in your business relationships? Did you treat your co-workers and subordinates with respect? The question presupposes that we all harbor within the ability to cheat, lie and steal and that our business ethics will be tested every day. So resist the temptation to take advantage of people. Be someone in whom others can put their trust. Own up to your mistakes.

Remember that time in Palm Springs when we drove around for an hour looking for a restaurant? While men tend not to want to ask for directions, nevertheless seek help when you are confused, lost or in pain. And delve deeply beneath your anger to find the sadness hidden beneath. That will help you heal more quickly.

Remember that money is just a tool, not an end in itself. Money opens up opportunities but working around the clock will not quell the longings of your heart. Don’t fall into a lifestyle that makes you a slave to your work. Do spend time with your loved ones – including your siblings and especially your parents. Devote ample time to raise up your community and set aside plenty of money to give as tzedakah.

You two known that my friendships have nourished me throughout my life. A fifteenth century Talmudic scholar, Menorat ha-Maor, counseled: “…Invite [your friend] to your joyous occasions; … never give away his secrets; help him when he is in trouble; … overlook his shortcomings and forgive him promptly; criticize him when he has done wrong; do not deceive him; … and attend to his [family] if he dies.” On the TV show Scrubs, JD and Turk had a name for such cherished friendships. They call it guy love. What’s guy love? Do you remember that time five years ago when the water pipe burst, flooding our entire house? My friend Ron took the initiative to drive over to help us deal with the flood. My college roommate Jerome in New York City sent a check to ease the repair expenses. I never cashed Jerome’s check, but both of their acts of compassion remind me that “guy love” involves stepping up and helping out.

Being a man involves a relationship with your Jewish community. Next time you are in services, notice all the men and women who sit down, close their lips, and patiently wait for the service to end. Perhaps they don't know the prayers, or don't see their value, or don't understand how to reconcile religion with science. If this is you, don't just sit back. Speak up. Ask your rabbi to help you discover its meaning. Spirituality and religiosity are a lifelong journey that can nourish your soul when your heart is burdened, broken, or uplifted. And being a Jew means taking the risk that significant meaning may be hidden within our ancient rituals and modern teaching.

Now, about sex. Although television and movies suggest otherwise, in reality, sex is about so much more than the mechanics of where you put what. (We already had that talk.) Sex can be great, but it should be within a mature, loving relationship. Sex is also about intimacy and love, commitment and responsibility. Trust me, making love is so much better. (I think I just scarred my kids for life…) Regarding sex, try being counter-cultural and focus first on finding love.

I may not know everything about love, but I do know this: that the love I share with your mother is the most fulfilling, complex, nuanced and wonderful thing I have ever experienced in my life. Love is not always easy, but it has always been worth it. I hope you are so blessed. Because mature love will bring you strength, contentment, and wholeness. Yes, there will be heartbreak – we all experience it along the way. Know that time will help heal most wounds; and that therapy, exercise and prayer can assist the process.

What’s mature love? In our youth, we often fall for people who live up to a certain definition of outward beauty. But over time, as we try to get over the inevitable hurdles of life, we see that over the long term the partnerships that remain strong are characterized by trust, a mutuality of values, and the recognition that marriage takes much effort and time. So enter into love relationships with your eyes wide open. First get to know and love yourself. Then consider seriously the person’s character and values, concern for others, family, friends, education, and short and long-term goals. Don’t let your craving for acceptance lead you to simply choose the first option available.

Know that whomever you bring home – female or male, Jew or not – we will open our hearts to your choice of partner. In today’s world, the odds are just barely in your favor that any marriage you have will work out. (Of course, if it doesn’t, know that some of the most blessed relationships are second marriages.) I sincerely hope your marriage works out, and if so, that will be in part because you put as much effort into your marriage as you do to your work or your sports. How? Date your beloved well after you are married. Get dressed up; go out. Romance each other. That will be a lifetime gift you give to your partner and yourself, and, because it will help your relationship remain healthy, it will be a gift to your children also.

Daniel and Noah, I am your #1 fan. I am here to guide you, to support you, to nurture you, and to celebrate you. I am grateful for you each and everyday! I love and cherish you both dearly.

***

Friends, these are words I have shared with my boys as they move through their teens: ideas about values and responsibility, relationships and Jewish involvement. Abraham missed his chance to counsel his son on top of that mountain. Don’t make the same mistake. So today, reflect upon what it means to be a man and a woman. Then share your wisdom with your own kids or with the young men and women you mentor, and with the women and men you love or with whom you interact.

Why? Because our children need it.

Why? Because our world needs it.

Why? And because it is the High Holy Days, and we have the opportunity to change the directions of our lives and our world. L’shana Tova Tikatayvu.

Shehecheyanu: Celebrating Newness and blessings

2011-10-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

My all time favorite prayer is Shehecheyanu, the Jewish prayer for first time events. We say it whenever something new happens. Given the Jewish penchant for finding blessings in each moment of life, this prayer is also recited the first time something happens in a given year. Like holidays. I have sweet memories of singing it with my kids when teeth fell out, when we jumped in the pool for the first time each summer, and when we began school years.

Here Congregation Or Ami's Chorale sings the Shehecheyanu as we begin Rosh Hashana evening services. As you listen to the beautiful tune, consider what you count as your most important Shehecheyanu moments of this past year.

Dip Your Apple by the Fountainheads for Rosh Hashana

2011-09-13T22:05:00.001-07:00

Another great video for the New Year:

Holy Yoga with the Rabbi: Reflections from Yoga Instructor/Congregant Julie Buckley

2011-09-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

In my early courtship with yoga, I understood the word "yoga" to mean "union". I was breathing and moving my mind, body, and spirit into union. How delightful to discover the far reaches of possibility within myself. There were poses which enabled me to feel strong, to feel flexible, to balance.

Becoming a yoga instructor offered me knowledge of yoga principles and philosophy which ask for an alignment of intention and action. Funny... I hear that at temple, too. As my yoga practice deepened and the notion of embodiment called to me with some insistence, my time on the mat shifted from me to me as the embodiment of what?? As I inhale (HaShem's exhale), I wonder about the quality of my exhale. This curiosity about what I am made of was long ago sparked by my Jewish upbringing.

Judaism, as expressed at my synagogue, Congregation Or Ami, is interested in questions of how we move through this world-- what ground we're on, what we stand for. My rabbi, Paul Kipnes, is a passionate advocate of social action. Teaching yoga at Or Ami has generated a beautiful tapestry with yoga and Judaism engaged in a dialogue of teachings and practice, so that we learn to live and breathe our teachings. How do we begin to repair our world if we have not lived and breathed our wholeness, our brokenness, and our journey back to wholeness-- over and over again? And how do we, as we age and endure strain, continue to cultivate strength, flexibility, and balance? How do we have a presence which will allow us to be part of tikkun olam... helping to heal our world.

The fact that my rabbi is on his mat, down dogging with his congregation, speaks volumes. Being welcoming and connecting with humanity are not just slogans in my synagogue. The energy that is exchanged during our practice is uplifting, calming, fortifying. It is perfect that our rabbi participates...

Our yoga community at Congregation Or Ami meets monthly in front of the ark, under the eternal flame, sharing the nourishment of yoga. We are finding that our Jewishness comes to life by "breathing it" and our yoga is that much more holy in our sanctuary. Just as our full lives expand God, inviting Judaism into yoga and vice versa creates a greater sense of integrity, of fullness. No longer are we or the aspects of our lives necessarily secular or religious, sacred or profane; rather, we are whole... Jewish yogis who embody the light of HaShem.

The Protests (in Israel): Plenty of Blame to Go Around

2011-08-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

Rabbi Eric Yoffie, president of the Union for Reform Judaism, reflects upon the massive protests in Israel by people calling for social justice. Focused on housing and more, these citizens of Israel are met not with bullets and firepower (like in many of the surrounding nations), but by conversation and hope. (See also the statement by the Israel Movement for Progressive Judaism and the Council of Progressive Rabbis in Israel regarding the Current Social Protest in Israel). Rabbi Yoffie's article appeared on the JPost blog, Reform Voices:

We have said it a thousand times: Israel is the only true democracy in the Middle East. But citizens of democracies are often passive and apathetic. It is thrilling, therefore, to see so many young Israelis energized, engaged, and protesting for justice. These young people are bringing Israel’s democracy to life.

The grievances must be very real because a passive citizenry is not easily aroused. Who is to blame for these grievances? Well, there is plenty of blame to go around.

The political parties on the right have stressed the virtues of competition and the free market, but they have not delivered. Israel’s free market has not been free. A handful of “tycoons” have dominated the economy, and political paybacks to favored constituencies have hugely distorted the economic process. For example, invoking the sacred cow of “security,” the right has showered money on the settlements, but in fact, settlers have enjoyed government largesse to a degree that security concerns cannot possibly justify.

Yet the left is hardly better. Those supposedly committed to social issues have allowed themselves to be distracted and co-opted by governments with no real social agenda. It is fine to believe in peace and the rights of others – and I do – but if you are not seriously devoted to the social welfare of your own people, you lack the credibility to accomplish anything. In the last quarter century, who are the major Israeli politicians who have been consistent advocates and true champions of justice and equality in Israeli society? Can you name five? Three? One?

And where are the Chief Rabbinate and the Orthodox parties that profess to speak in the name of the Jewish tradition? Religious voices should be at the center of this maelstrom, but instead they are silent. Torah, after all, has much to say about the nitty-gritty matters of economic fairness in the everyday lives of Jews and their neighbors. And the rabbi’s role, according to the great Talmudist R. Hayyim of Brisk, is “to redress the grievances of those who are abandoned and alone, to protect the dignity of the poor, and to save the oppressed from the hands of the oppressor.” The problem is that Israel’s religious establishment obsesses about its own institutions and the minutiae of conversion laws but pays little attention to everyone else.

(A word of praise for Ariel Atias of Shas, Minister of Housing, who said that what distresses him most about the protests, is that “they have forgotten the weakest strata of Israeli society, those whose problem isn’t finishing the month but beginning it.” Shas, it should be said, began as a movement of social protest, but – Atias notwithstanding – long ago lost its way.)

And by the way, where is the American Jewish community – myself included – which talks of its commitment to Israel while saying little or nothing about the great social issues that will shape its future no less than security concerns?

But there is no reason for despair. A new generation of Israelis is looking squarely at these problems and affirming the need for mutual responsibility, fairness, and social justice in the Jewish state. And what they do is a blessing for us all.

Pointing the Way Forward

2011-08-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

From my Grandpa Eddie, I learned the importance of enjoying life with your family. Instead of hoarding his money and leaving us a bigger inheritance, he and Grandma Esther decided that they would rather see their grandkids having fun and bonding. They sent us all to Jewish summer camps and spent regular time with us.

My Dad and Mom do the same, taking the family - especially when the kids were younger - on big family trips such that today all the cousins have strong connections one to the other.

My parents have also passed onto us (and continue to do so) the important of mishpacha (family), tikkun olam (social activism), kehilla (being part of a community), ahavat yisrael (love of Israel), and more.

This Shabbat we read from the first parasha (portion) in the book of Devarim (or Deuteronomy), the final of the 5 Books of Moses. Taken together, the words of Devarim represents Moses' final teaching to the children of Israel, before he goes off to die and they continue on under Joshua's leadership and enter the Promised Land. Sometimes we see Devarim as one long sermon - filled with stories and retellings of the past, hopes and warnings, songs and poems. It is as if Moses, aware that he is about to die, wants to point the way forward to ensure that his peeps survive long into the future.

Some years ago I wrote an ethical will to my children, articulating those values and ideals that I wanted them to know I held dear. My parents continually share their wisdom in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.This wisdom, imparted in big ways and small, form a Torat Horim (the teachings of my parents) that continue to influence me today - in big ways and small. What is the wisdom that your parents or grandparents bequeathed to you?

For the Women of Congo and Sudan

2011-08-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

I adapted this prayer for Jewish World Watch, the is a hands-on leader in the fight against genocide and mass atrocities, engaging individuals and communities to take local actions that produce powerful global results. JWW is about to embark on a fact finding mission to the Congo, and will share this prayer with the survivors of the mass rapes and violence. The prayer will also appear in Jewish World Watch's High Holy Day publication.

Lest we somehow forget, Sudan and the Congo are home to some of the worst genocidal mass murders and mass rapes of the 21st century.

The prayer is adapted, with permission, by me, from two prayers by author/liturgist Alden Solovy -
For the People of Norway and For 9-11 Survivors. These prayers are © 2011 Alden Solovy and www.tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

G-d of the survivors, mourners and witnesses,

Grant strength to those still held by physical, emotional and spiritual distress from the continuing violence in Congo and Sudan. Release them from visions of rape and death, from guilt or shame, from fear or anger. Bind their wounds with Your steadfast love.

Grant them shelter and solace,
Comfort and consolation.

Grant them endurance to survive,
Faith to mourn,
Courage to heal
Devotion to each other.

Bless those who have healed.
Bless those who suffer.

Bless those who forgive.
Bless those who cannot forgive.

Bless those who speak.
Bless those who stay silent.

Baruch Atah, Tzur Yisrael, Oseh tikvah v’nechamah
Blessed are You, Rock of Israel, Source of hope and comfort.

I'm Overjoyed, Overwhelmed, and at Peace

2011-08-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

These days I am feeling overjoyed, overwhelmed and at peace with all that is happening at Congregation Or Ami.

Overjoyed: I love to watch the reactions as people stop by our newly remodeled synagogue. With wide eyes and big smiles, each exclaims in amazement how beautiful our synagogue home looks. [Stop by sometime to see it with your own eyes. And celebrate with us the synagogue rededication on Friday, August 26 at 7:30 pm.]

Overwhelmed: I love to meander around our remodeled home, imagining our new youth lounge filled with teens connecting to each other and Judaism. I relish sitting quietly in the sanctuary, pondering it's holiness and life's meaningfulness. I enjoy imagining the many different activities for adults, families, and individuals we now can enjoy simultaneously. In the quiet that still pervades the building, I imagine the cacophony of voices as people eat, pray and love Jewish living.

At Peace: I love visiting our new rabbi Julia Weisz in her office as she and an endless group of congregant adults and teens dream and reimagine our learning programs. A whirlwind of activity, this newly minted rabbi has already transformed the way we will look at learning in our community. The future is very bright indeed.

Join me as we prepare to formally welcome Rabbi Julia into Or Ami.

Save the date - Friday, October 14 - when we will consecrate Julia Weisz as our rabbi, during a family friendly campfire service, and/or
Participate in giving her a gift, honoring Rabbi Julia's ordination and welcoming her to the temple. We are gifting her what she wants/needs: a new computer to help organize her creativity. You may donate by contacting Barbara Gordon in our office at 818.880.4880. Or you may donate at www.orami.org/donate.]

Kvell with us about our new home.
Kvell with us about our new rabbi.

But mostly kvell with us because the new year 5772 promises to be one of tradition and innovation, of blessing and goodness.

Birthright Program for Young Adults with Special Needs

2011-08-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

On July 10, 2011, Congregant Or Ami member Matthew Simon, who has Fragile X Syndrome, joined 28 other young adults with special needs and staff on a 10 day Birthright trip to Israel. They toured the country, learned about Judaism, rode donkeys and camels, slept in a Bedouin tent, and prayed at the Wall in Jerusalem. The trip was organized by Mayanot. It was dream come true for these young adults and their families as they did what so many other Jewish young adults do, with full access to this Jewish experience.

Watch the YouTube video below as Matthew and other young adults with special needs reflect upon their Birthright trip.

Congregation Or Ami has long committed to equal accessibility for all Jews and Jewish families, regardless of any special needs they might have. Recently, we developed a relationship with Chaverim, a program of Jewish Family Service of Los Angeles, for developmentally disabled adults age 18 to 88. Let the doors of the synagoge be open to everyone who approaches.

A Time for Celebration: New Yorkers Gain Marriage Equality

2011-07-24T17:32:00.000-07:00

In New York, they are celebrating. For marriage equality have finally been extended in the great state of New York to all its citizens, heterosexual and homosexual. We schepp nachas (share the joy) too, because a step forward in one state is a step forward for our country.

Here in California, we should be celebrating too. Not from a distance of 3000+ miles, but right here in our own backyards... and in the temples, and the churches, the mosques and the ashrams. We should be celebrating the marriage of all created b'tzelem Elohim (in God's image), as they are able to sanctify their love in the holy (and secular) covenant of marriage.

Alas, we still await that moment in California. It will come. The polls and the demographics show that eventually marriage equality will be a given.

Until that time, we hope and pray. We sanctify in religious ceremonies the binding of two souls - two men, two women, a man and a woman - with holy words and holy rituals.

And we wait, until such ceremonies will be recognized by our state, and by our nation, as a marriage.

Ken yehi ratzon, may it be God's will.

Impotence and It's Cure

2011-07-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

Impotence.

It is a terrifying word to most men, as it leads them to face fears of a loss of their potency. For most, it connotes an end to sexual strength, the power of the male of our species. And it affects many, for many different medical and/or psychological reasons. Thankfully, there are some powerful medical treatments that apparently work well.

But the word "impotent" can also describe other horrifying feelings of powerlessness beyond the sexual. One can be politically impotent, without the ability to make things happen in the public sphere. One can be impotent in one's career, unable to bring one's work to a climactic finish. In each case and others, this helplessness strikes fear in the heart of men because what is a man anyway - we sometimes think - if not someone who can "make things happen"?

When Illness Strikes
There is also an all-consuming sense of impotence that men (and women) sometimes feel when facing a loved one with a terrible, potentially incurable disease. We sit there, holding a hand, sharing a story - perhaps calling from a distance away - trying to somehow make it better for him, but realizing yet again our own limitations. We want to do something, and yet, we feel incredibly powerless, helpless. Impotent.

My uncle Skip is dying; and of course his wife, my auntie Rozzy, is suffering too. And here I sit, 3000 miles away, unable to do anything to really make it better. For either of them. I am saddened, and feel powerless. Helpless. Impotent.

Our Precious Presence
Pastoral counselors teach that visiting - or calling, sending a note or the like - offers the most important gift we have to give. Its our "precious presence."
In fact, responding psychologically to disease, Judaism teaches that "bikur cholim", visiting the sick, removes 1/60 of the disease. Like those little blue pills, our visits or calls provide uplift, combat hopelessness, and make the future seem all that much more doable.

And so, instead of sitting here feeling helpless... I call, try to tell her stories, try to listen, and do my 1/60 of the holy work.

Enough?
It doesn't always feel like enough.

May it be enough.

It will have to be enough.

A Quick Meditation at Noon

2011-07-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

My new friend, Alden Solovy, who is currently wandering around Israel seeking holiness and direction, wrote another meaningful meditation. In an existence in which each moment of each day is suffused with holiness, his prayer reminds us that we need only to open ourselves to sense this holiness.

Read this prayer now, then print it out. Carry it around with you and try to read it once each day for a week. Notice how this affects your day. I would love to hear about it!

A Quick Meditation at Noon
© 2011 Alden Solovy and www.tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

There’s still time to live this day with intention,
To set aside petty thoughts and small tasks,
To see myself with dignity and grace.

There’s still time to live this day with my hands and my heart,
To walk with strength
To act with courage,
To offer kindness,
To build and to sustain,
To embrace and to bless.

G-d of forgiveness,
Thank You for the gift of hope
That You’ve planted in every moment,
The gift of renewal that You’ve given to every hour,
So that we may find the way
To redeem our days with holiness.

Amen.

If You Had to Get Sick at Camp...

2011-07-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

No one should end up in the infirmary during a summer at camp. Or God forbid, in the hospital. Summer is about freedom from all the cares in the world. But it occasionally it happens. And when it does, during an emergency, that’s when you can truly take measure of the place you send your children and your friends.

I have concluded a two-week stint at the URJ Camp Newman, a Jewish summer camp in Santa Rosa, CA. During those two weeks, we twice encountered medical situations, which allowed us to peer into the inner workings of our Mirpa’ah (Hebrew for infirmary). First, my little one got a fever (he’s fine now) and spent a few nights in the mirpa’ah. (He’s fine now.) Then, we had a late night experience, as the ambulance came to take an adult to the hospital. (He’s fine too.)

In both cases, we were treated to the professionalism of our Mirpa’ah doctors and nurses. They were clear headed, nurturing and compassionate, and appropriately strict. They balanced the medical and emotional needs of the individual with the safety of the camp as a whole. They are imitatio dei (imitators of God) as they work as rofei hacholim, healers of the sick.

My wife and I have now left Camp Newman, and therefore left our three precious children for the balance of the summer. Nonetheless, we shall sleep soundly, knowing that God-forbid something happens that affects their health, the camp is prepared, tried and tested, to respond with compassion and medical excellence.

So we send a hearty todah rabbah (thank you) and mazel tov (congratulations) to the first two week’s Mirpa’ah nurses and staff - Roberta, Lori, Lisa, Deepika, Roberta, Alyssa - and to the our Doctors - Greg, Steve, Mack and Joey. (My apologies if I missed someone.) I will sleep very well tonight knowing you are there with my children.

Let's Pass the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA)

2011-06-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

Today I signed on as a co-sponsor of a letter by the Faith Coalition for the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA). The UAFA legislation ends the long-standing discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender immigrant families. The letter, with the support of the Union for Reform Judaism, our national synagogue organization, says:

Dear Honorable Senators and Members of Congress:

We, the undersigned faith-based leaders and organizations, join together to call upon President Obama and our elected officials in Congress to enact inclusive, comprehensive immigration reform legislation that ends the long-standing discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender immigrant families.

Our diverse faith traditions teach us to welcome and care for our neighbors with love and compassion. Of the many great injustices in this broken immigration system, family separation is one of the most egregious. Family is the bedrock of any society and is critical in the development of healthy individuals and strong communities. Immigration policies should make expeditious family reunification a top priority and should include all families as part of that foundation. For us, this is a clear matter of simple justice.

Under current immigration law, gay and lesbian people cannot sponsor their foreign-born partner for an immigration visa, no matter how long they have been together or how committed their relationship. With no ability to sponsor their partners, U.S. citizens and legal permanent residents are being forced to live abroad, disrupting their careers, uprooting their children, and breaking ties with family, local communities and places of worship. No one should be forced to choose between their country and the person they love. It is time that U.S. immigration laws kept families together instead of tearing them apart.

There are over twenty countries — including strong allies such as the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Israel and South Africa — that recognize the permanent partnerships of lesbian and gay couples within their immigration laws. The United States should also be a leader in protecting the equal rights of its citizens and should not continue this discriminatory treatment in its immigration laws.

The Uniting American Families Act would end the long-standing discrimination lesbian and gay binational couples face under current immigration law. This bill would allow lesbian and gay binational couples to petition in the same way – and with the same rigorous process of documentation – as straight couples. We endorse the Uniting American Families Act which upholds the fundamental value of keeping families together. We urge Congress to pass this critically important legislation as part of any comprehensive immigration reform measure.

We call on President Obama, and Members of Congress, to provide the leadership and moral courage to pass inclusive and comprehensive immigration reform legislation. No reform can truly be called comprehensive unless it includes LGBT immigrant families as well. We are committed to working together for this long overdue and much-needed reform.

We must all work to honor our country’s commitment to families and its rich history as a nation of immigrants.

Learn more about the Uniting American Families Act.
If you are a major business, consider supporting the legislation along with these corporate supporters.

Top 9 Benefits of Taking Jewish Teens To A Pride Parade

2011-06-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

Today at the San Francisco Pride Parade, we couldn't have been more proud!

42 teens from the URJ Camp Newman's Avodah session ventured into San Francisco to walk and celebrate. Adorned in their purple camp t-shirts, and led ably by Avodah Director Aaron Bandler (a future rabbi??), our 16-year olds danced Israeli folk dances up Market Street. As they carried a tye-dyed chuppah complete with glass to break, they exhibited additional pride as they marched on the heels of the New York State vote to legalize marriage equality.

We went to San Francisco to live out the values of Torah:

B'tzelem Elohim - that we all are created in God's image (Gen. 1)
K'shoshim T'hiyu - that we are all holy (Lev. 19)
Ahavat HaGer - love the stranger (36 times in the Torah).

Wonder why we brought our teens to the Pride Parade?
Because participation in the Pride Parade...

Instills pride in themselves no matter what their differences.
Offers chance to be boisterously joyful in public about being Jewish.
For teens who are questioning their own sexual orientation, it makes them feel safer and more accepted, a major goal of NFTY's GLBTQ Teen Inclusion priorities.
Learn about and live out longstanding Reform Jewish positions on marriage equality and gay rights.
Teaches them how to stand up for something significant.
Bonds them together as a group.
Provides a chance to meet lots of different people of all sorts of shaped and sizes and color and religions.
Allows them to really let go and have unrestrained fun and joy in a safe and sober way in a public place.
Gives the opportunity to wear their sillier clothes including green fishnet stockings, pink tutus and Mardi Gras beads.

Finally, as the real life follow up to the previous evening's program on self-acceptance, this experience allowed each teen the opportunity to verbalized to themselves and out loud to their community, "I'm proud to be me."

This blogpost was cowritten on the bus back to Camp Newman by Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Camp Newman Faculty Dean & Rabbi, Congregation Or Ami, Calabasas, CA; Rabbi Laura Novak Winer, URJ Director of Teen Engagement; Michelle November, Associate Director of Admissions, New Community Jewish High School, West Hills, CA; Alissa Robinow, Youth Advisor, Congregation Rodef Shalom, San Rafael, CA; Aaron Bandler, Camp Newman Avodah Director.

"OMG WTF", said the Rabbi to the Campers

2011-06-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

We gathered together, a dozen Jewish tenth graders and me, their camp rabbi, for discussions about God. I sat them down and, figuring we were about to share some deep thoughts, I invited them to introduce themselves by explaining why they chose this group. Some didn't believe but wanted to find a way to believe. Others wanted to know why bad things happen. One teen was just looking for a place to talk about the really important issues of religion.

I looked around the circle, smiled at them, and said (in my best "Valley Grrl" impression), "OMG WTF!"

They laughed.

To those well versed in the shorthand of texting, OMG WTF usally means "Oh My God, What the &@#%!" Few expected such language from the mouth of their rabbi.

Of course, I explained that I meant, "Oh My God, Where's The Faith?"

We all live in a gorgeous world of wonder and possibility, but so few of us talk about holiness, or spirituality or God. So I asked, "Where's the Faith"?

It is right here at the URJ Camp Newman in Santa Rosa, where a dozen teens are sitting together sharing their deeply held ideas and questions about faith, belief, disbelief and about God. Here at Camp Newman we take on the most challenging topics, which for teens seems to include intense questions about God's existence.

So I invited them to pick one of four ideas, which most closely resembled their ideas:

I believe in God OR I know God exists
I'm not sure I believe in God but I lean toward probably.
I'm not sure I believe in God and I lean toward not
I don't believe in God or I know God doesn't exist.

Then we challenged each other to collectively determine the top three reasons they picked this idea.

Then we talked. Choosing among these four arbitrary choices forced participants to examine their beliefs and articulate to others their reasons why. With ground rules that honored the multitude of opinions about God, we engaged in an energetic exchange. My role was merely to ask questions, to help them clarify their ideas, and to identify where their opinions paralleled significant Jewish philosophers. Thus we found teens speaking the thoughts of Martin Buber, Abraham Joshua Heschel, the Baal Shem Tov, Spinoza, and the theologies of monism, panentheism, and Kabbalah to name a few.

Informed by the faith development work of Professor James Fowler, I patiently allowed for the agnostic and sometimes atheistic thoughts of the campers. While hewing very closely to the Principles of Reform Judaism which presuppose One God yet allow for a multiplicity of ways of describing and connecting to that One God, we invited challenge and response.

I must say that these discussions are amongst the most enjoyable that I have had up here at camp this summer. Serious kids talking about serious topics. Deeply personal one minute; hysterically laughing at a joke the next. Although God is a topic like sex, drugs and death which make many parents feel squeamish, here at Camp Newman it is just one of the topics that permeate this sacred space we call Camp Newman.

In fact, one colleague reported that immediately after she finished plunging a toilet in one of the camper cabins, the staff members said "thank you" and then peppered her with questions about God.

OMG WTF. It seems like God is part of the conversation at so many different times: when things are good, when we are worried, and when the #$@& begins to flow.

Joy, Freedom and Blessing in Abundance at Camp Newman

2011-06-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

Simcha - Joy
Judaism, according to one accounting, has at least 15 different words to describe joy. From rina (meaning joyous song) to simcha (meaning pure joy), Jewish living is supposed to be an expression of joyous living. I have learned over the course of the years that while simcha (joy) is possible even during the darkest of times, it often takes purposeful openness to allow joy to permeate your life.

That's one of the reasons I love going to summer camp. At camp, more than almost anywhere else in the world, people allow joy to permeate every corner and every moment of every day.

Walk with me around URJ Camp Newman in Santa Rosa, California, and we will notice more smiles and hear more laughter than is usual amongst any group of teens at school or at home. Hugs of joy are a regular feature of their interactions; expressions of love and caring abound.

I once asked a staff member why people seem so happy. He thought for a minute and responded, "Here at camp we are free. Free from pressures. Free from judgment. Free to be who we really are."

Chofesh - Freedom
Campers the world over look forward to that block during the day when they can do what they choose for as long as they choose. In most camps, staff members are spread throughout certain areas, giving campers free access to activities ranging from basketball and skateboarding to arts 'n crafts and just hanging out in the sun. At Camp Newman, where my wife and I are chaperoning a delegation of 39 Jewish campers, this period is called chofesh, after the Hebrew word meaning break or freedom.

Wandering around Camp between my assigned responsibilities as Rosh Faculty (faculty dean), I have come to think that the word chofesh designates more than that specific hour or so of free time. It seems to describe the central characteristic of the feeling that envelopes each camper and staff member. In fact, chofesh may characterize the entire Jewish summer camping experience. How so?

Bracha - Blessing
I asked a group of Camp Newman campers to describe the blessings that camp brings into their lives. They responded:

I'm happy.
I'm able to be who I really am.
No one is judging me.
I can make new friends so easily here.
Judaism is so alive and joyful.
There's so much love.
I'm at home, more than when I am back home.

Heartwarming words from wonderful kids.

Joy, Freedom and Blessing
The last thing Senior Camp Director Ruben Arquilevich reminds his staff before the first parents arrive is to smile. Through a silly "Show off your Best Smile" contest that he hosts, Ruben inculcates within his staff a simple message: With your smile, you let your joy shine through. So revel in the freedom that camp brings to you and to our campers. Its a bracha, a holy blessing. Enjoy it, cherish it, share it.

I would love to tell you more about Camp Newman, but that will need to await another blogpost. For now, I just want to wander around and revel in the blessing of joyful freedom.

How My Dad Stopped Being Stupid: Insights of Father of 3 Teenagers

2011-06-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

The older teens become, the stupider parents sometimes feel.

There's something about having teenagers that is the great equalizer. Teenagers, halfway between childhood and adulthood, have more knowledge and sometimes less wisdom. As they struggle to with their newfound knowledge and relatively greater life experience, they sometimes overreach and appear to "know it all.” In the process, their expansive knowledge pushes back against their parents' life experience. Parents, it appears, are stupider and stupider.

I have come to realize that if parents are increasingly “stupid” - which they’re not - then my father, who sometimes seemed to know less and less, must not have been as clueless as I sometimes thought! I have new appreciation for my father, and the havoc raising teens must have brought into his life. In retrospect, I see that for most of those times that I once thought my dad was clueless, he probably wasn't.

Parenting is about raising kids to healthy maturity in spite of our lack of knowledge and their growing sense that they know more or better.
Letting teens fully run their own lives would be like letting a day-old deer run free in the forest. She may be beautiful and look competent. She might have great fun in the forest. But, with hunters and predators around, she might just end up endangering herself.
Sleep, for the parents of teenagers, comes in fits and starts. Either parents are awake or dozing fitfully until their teen comes home safely from a night out with the car, or they are woken up as these night owls move noisily around the house.
Increasingly trying to do it on their own or their own way, teenagers push back against their parents and trumpet their newfound knowledge. The message: teen is smart; parent is stupid.
It is very frustrating for parents to be thought of as stupid when they are not. It is even harder for parents to push through being thought of as stupid and still raise these wonderful yet indignant children toward adulthood.
Parents love their teens, but may not always like them.
As I once overheard parents of teens whisper to each other, "This part of parenthood isn't so much fun!"

On this Father's day, with this newfound understanding, I write my dad:

Dear Daddy,

Thank you for not killing me when I was a teenager. Thank you for not giving up on me even when I was a royal pain in the butt. Thank you for loving me even through those times when I probably was very hard to like. Sometimes it amazes me that humans just don't eat their young. I apologize for any times I called you a mean name, thought you were clueless, or projected a sense that I was way smarter than you. I now know that you weren't really stupid.

Happy Fathers Day. I love you.

My 25th Trinity College Reunion: 8 Lingering Impressions

2011-06-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

They say you can't go home again. But when the intervening years have brought distance, maturity and humility, you can at least visit.

I loved my alma mater, Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut; especially it's small classes, intense conversations, and accessible faculty. I left with fond memories, a wider perspective on the world, and a solid group of friends.

25 years ago, "Camp Trin-Trin" was my home away from home for three years, until I graduated early in 1985. (I entered Trinity as a freshman but received a full year's credit for my gap year studies in Jerusalem; nonetheless, I still consider myself a member of the class of 1986.) And now, 25 years later, I came back home. Here are 8 lingering impressions:

25 years later, college-era social separations (cliques!) gave way to almost universal interest to connect with classmates - whether they were close friends or not - to find out who they are now, and how they have grown since college. I found myself talking to as many people I was not close with as I did with my college circle of friends. How the years seem to change people! Why is that? (Read on)
Most people seem to have gone through difficult times in these intervening years. Whether involving their health, love life, finances or family, few have made it this far unscathed. I sense a healthy dose of humility permeating the crowd, as if each of us has been through enough challenges that we rather focused less on outward looks or status, and more on inner meaning.
Some memorable conversations:

One woman, Warden of her Episcopalian Church (a role comparable to a Jewish temple president), shared "trade secrets", strategies for warming her church community, budgetary challenges, and the central importance of fostering positive relations between clergy and leadership. Listening to her, it struck me that she could have been a temple president. Across religions we share similar concerns, similar priorities.
A cancer survivor inspired me with the story of her search - personally and professionally - to find the deeper spiritual meaning in life and to develop the abilities to lead others toward such self-awareness. (This was a conversation I wish had continued).
One couple - she from another graduating class - who were ba'alei teshuva (newly orthodox Jews) regaled me with stories of how they became orthodox and how they met ("it was besheret - meant to be," coming after both had almost given up looking). That this orthodox Jewish woman returned to her reunion at a decidedly non-Jewish school was impressive.
Two men talked about how the path to job satisfaction for so many included years of suffering in unhealthy work environments. Like battered women who take so long to leave their batterers, men seem to endure much workplace abuse before moving onto healthy environments. Why is that?
A few wondered aloud about whether they had really accomplished anything in the years since college. My sadness upon hearing they felt this deepened as I learned that each had healthy kids, a loving marriage, and a relatively good job.

Working out on the treadmill at the Athletic Center gave me pause for thought. I realized that in my three years at Trinity I never once worked out in the gym. While I did belong to a local Nautilus gym for a year, exercise in general was not on my radar back then. Nothing like a doctor's insistence and a wife's persistence to realign priorities.
I visited Trinity's new Zachs Hillel House, an astoundingly beautiful building which offers a full program of Jewish and multicultural experiences. Ably led by Lisa Kassow, it provides a gathering place to self-identifying Jewish students.
Trinity College is home to one a gorgeous, green campus. As we walked the green fields and enjoyed a Barbecue on the quad, it occurred to us that we never quite appreciated the beauty of this lush space.
A group of us walked in (and quickly out) of two fraternity house parties. While it was fun to say that we still could go to a frat party, it was more interesting to try to figure out why we even bothered 25 years ago to enter those loud, smelly buildings.
Talking about my family and especially my wife Michelle (and my Congregation Or Ami) reminded me (again and again) about how blessed I am. Beautiful, healthy, and loving, they - more than anything else - provide the foundation upon which everything else rests.

So I return to my real home thankful for the outstanding education I received at Trinity College. Those years challenged me socially, deepened me intellectually, and molded me personally. It was good to return to be so reminded. I look forward to keeping in touch with classmates via email, Twitter (@RabbiKip) and Facebook.

Mindless Drivel in the Airport

2011-06-09T23:11:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my red-eye, I'm amazed by how easily zoned out I can become in the midst of the cacophony of this bustling airport. Like any modern, wired up traveler, I'm sitting here, plugged into the Samsung Mobile charging station, with my computer, Verizon MiFi broadband, and my iPhone. I'm perusing my email (too tired to think straight, can't really respond coherently to anything). I'm playing Tetris Marathon, a new addiction thanks to child #3. I'm reading blogs and writing my own.

Sad thing is, with a zoned out brain, I really have nothing to say. No wise words. No pithy comparisons between my current state and the Jewish spirituality.

Suddenly, its quiet. We are 40 minutes away from departure time, a hush settles over the main room. There's an iPad here, a iTouch there. She's reading a book, he's texting on his phone. Everyone is just waiting to get boarded up to take off.

I've never been one for mindless drivel on my blog, but hey, its way past my bedtime.

So if this feels like nonsense, please feel free not to read it.

Oops, we are about to board. Here's T'fillat HaDerech, the traveler's prayer, with my emendations in italics:

Tefilat Haderech - The Traveler’s Prayer

Ye-hi ratson mil'fa-ne-cha Adonai elo-hei-nu vei-lo-hei avo-teinu sheh-toli-cheinu l'shalom v’ta-tzi-deinu l'shalom v'tad-ri-cheinu l'shalom v'ta-gi-einu lim-choz chef-tseinu l'chayim ul-simcha ul-shalom. V'ta-tsi-leinu mikaf kol oyeiv v'oreiv v'listim v'cha-yot ra-ot ba-derech u-mikol mi-nei fur-a-niyot ha-mit-ragshot lavo la-olam. V'tish-lach b'racha b'chol ma-asei ya-deinu v'tit-neinu l'chein ul-chesed ul-racha-mim be'ei-necha uv-einei chol ro-einu, v'tishma kol tacha-nu-neinu. Ki Eil sho-mei-a t'fi-lah v’ta-cha-nun a-tah. Ba-ruch a-tah Adonai sho-mei-a t'fi-lah.

May it be Your will, Eternal One, our God and the God of our ancestors, that You lead us toward peace, emplace our footsteps towards peace, guide us toward peace, and make us reach our desired destination for life, gladness, and peace. May You rescue us from the hand of every foe, ambush, bandits and wild animals along the way, and from all manner of punishments that assemble to come to Earth. May You send blessing in our every handiwork, and grant us peace, kindness, and mercy in your eyes and in the eyes of all who see us. May You hear the sound of our supplication, because You are the God who hears prayer and supplications. Blessed are You, Eternal One, who hears our prayer.

Amen

Why History Matters: The 1967 Six-Day War

2011-06-08T22:23:00.000-07:00

If you only read one thing about the Middle East this week, read this. David Harris, Executive Director, AJC and Senior Associate at St. Antony's College, Oxford University, reflects on the actual history of the war and its aftermath, as well as attempts to rewrite that history. [Originally published in Huffington Post]

Mention the word "history" and it can trigger a roll of the eyes.

Add "Middle East" to the equation and folks might start running for the hills, unwilling to get caught up in the seemingly bottomless pit of details and disputes.

But without an understanding of what happened, it's impossible to grasp where we are -- and where we are has profound relevance for the region and the world.

Forty-four years ago this week, the Six-Day War broke out.

While some wars fade into obscurity, this one remains as relevant today as in 1967. Many of its core issues remain unresolved and in the news.

Politicians, diplomats, and journalists continue to grapple with the consequences of that war, but rarely provide context. Yet without context, some critically important things may not make sense.

First, in June 1967, there was no state of Palestine. It didn't exist and never had. Its creation, proposed by the UN in 1947, was rejected by the Arab world because it also meant the establishment of a Jewish state alongside.

Second, the West Bank and eastern Jerusalem were in Jordanian hands. Violating solemn agreements, Jordan denied Jews access to their holiest places in eastern Jerusalem. To make matters still worse, they destroyed many of those sites.

Meanwhile, the Gaza Strip was under Egyptian control, with harsh military rule imposed on local residents.

And the Golan Heights, which were regularly used to shell Israeli communities far below, belonged to Syria.

Third, the Arab world could have created a Palestinian state in the West Bank, eastern Jerusalem, and the Gaza Strip any day of the week. They didn't. There wasn't even discussion about it. And Arab leaders, who today profess such attachment to eastern Jerusalem, rarely, if ever, visited. It was viewed as an Arab backwater.

Fourth, the 1967 boundary at the time of the war, so much in the news these days, was nothing more than an armistice line dating back to 1949 -- familiarly known as the Green Line. That's after five Arab armies attacked Israel in 1948 with the aim of destroying the embryonic Jewish state. They failed. Armistice lines were drawn, but they weren't formal borders. They couldn't be. The Arab world, even in defeat, refused to recognize Israel's very right to exist.

Fifth, the PLO, which supported the war effort, was established in 1964, three years before the conflict erupted. That's important because it was created with the goal of obliterating Israel. Remember that in 1964 the only "settlements" were Israel itself.

Sixth, in the weeks leading up to the Six-Day War, Egyptian and Syrian leaders repeatedly declared that war was coming and their objective was to wipe Israel off the map. There was no ambiguity. Twenty-two years after the Holocaust, another enemy spoke about the extermination of Jews. The record is well-documented.

The record is equally well-documented that Israel, in the days leading up to the war, passed word to Jordan, via the UN and United States, urging Amman to stay out of any pending conflict. Jordan's King Hussein ignored the Israeli plea and tied his fate to Egypt and Syria. His forces were defeated by Israel, and he lost control of the West Bank and eastern Jerusalem.

Seventh, Egypt's President Gamal Abdel Nasser demanded that UN peacekeeping forces in the area, in place for the previous decade to prevent conflict, be removed. Shamefully, the UN complied. That left no buffer between Arab armies being mobilized and deployed and Israeli forces in a country one-fiftieth the size of Egypt -- and just nine miles wide at its narrowest point.

Eighth, Egypt blocked Israeli shipping lanes in the Red Sea, Israel's only maritime access to trading routes with Asia and Africa. This step was regarded as an act of war by Jerusalem. The United States spoke about joining with other countries to break the blockade, but did not act.

Ninth, France, which had been Israel's principal arms supplier, announced a ban on the sale of weapons on the eve of the June war. That left Israel in potentially grave danger if a war were to drag on and require the resupply of arms. It was not until the next year that the U.S. stepped into the breach and sold vital weapons systems to Israel.

And finally, after winning the war of self-defense, Israel hoped that its newly-acquired territories, seized from Egypt, Jordan, and Syria, would be the basis of a land-for-peace accord. Feelers were sent out. The formal response came on September 1, 1967, when the Arab Summit Conference famously declared in Khartoum "No peace, no recognition, no negotiations" with Israel.

Today, there are those who wish to rewrite history.

They want the world to believe there was once a Palestinian state. There was not.

They want the world to believe there were fixed borders between that state and Israel. There was only an armistice line between Israel and the Jordanian-controlled West Bank and eastern Jerusalem.

They want the world to believe the 1967 war was a bellicose act by Israel. It was an act of self-defense in the face of blood-curdling threats to vanquish the Jewish state, not to mention the maritime blockade of the Straits of Tiran, the abrupt withdrawal of UN peacekeeping forces, and the redeployment of Egyptian and Syrian troops. All wars have consequences; this one was no exception. But the Arab aggressors have failed to take responsibility for the actions they instigated.

They want the world to believe post-1967 Israeli settlement-building is the key to the Arab-Israeli conflict. The Six-Day War is proof positive that the core issue is, and always has been, whether the Arab world accepts the Jewish people's right to a state of their own. If so, all other contentious issues, however difficult, have possible solutions.

And they want the world to believe the Arab world had nothing against Jews per se, only Israel, yet trampled with abandon on sites of sacred meaning to the Jewish people.

In other words, when it comes to the Arab-Israeli conflict, dismissing the past as if it were a minor irritant at best, irrelevant at worst, won't work.

Can history move forward? Absolutely. Israel's peace treaties with Egypt in 1979 and Jordan in 1994 prove the point. At the same time, though, the lessons of the Six-Day War illustrate just how tough and tortuous the path can be.

For more information, visit ajc.org.

Don’t Stack the Dirty Dishes, and Other Timeless Wisdom

2011-06-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

“Don’t stack the dirty dishes,” Donna taught, “There is no reason to have to clean both sides.”

I looked over to my wife and smiled. This was one of those mini-arguments we’ve been having all our marriage, and now, an 88-year-old woman took my side.

One couldn’t easily ignore the wisdom of Donna. She was a persuasive type of person, who successfully became a court mediator in her 70’s, and entered law school in her 80’s (for the intellectual stimulation). Donna was an impressive woman - energetic, colorful and very intelligent. Oh, and as of late last week, she was very much dead.

We gathered, a few of us, at Eden Cemetery, recounting Donna’s timeless wisdom. My wife sat in the pews; I was officiating as rabbi. Donna, who lay peacefully in a plain pine box, was being eulogized beautifully by her cousin, her rabbi and her granddaughter. They remembered her as one who would do anything for family. They recalled her insistance that problems be addressed head-on instead of being swept under the rug.

More Wisdom from an Older Sage

I was thinking about Donna’s wisdom later that evening as we gathered for Tikkun Leil Shavuot, a late night study session in preparation for the holiday of Shavuot. We were preparing for the day Jewish tradition teaches Moses received the gift of Torah at Mt. Sinai. We were talking about the values that Torah brings into our lives. And we were talking about the four insights of Ben Zoma, a Jewish sage who died in the second century BCE.

Ben Zoma’s perspectives on wisdom, strength, wealth and honor (Pirkei Avot 4:1) inverted commonly held perceptions.

V'eizeh hu chacham? Who is wise? Ha-lomeid mikol adam – the one who learns from every person. Wisdom is more than book-smarts; it is found in life experience.
V’eizeh hu gibur? Who is mighty? Ha-koveish et yitzro. The one who controls his passions. Strength is more than physical prowess; the ability to control oneself brings forth all kinds of confidence and power.
V’eizeh hu asher? Who is rich? Ha-samay-ach b’cheklo. The one who is content with her portion. In a world where there is always “more,” true wealth is held by those who recognize that they really have “enough.”
V’eizeh hu mechubad? Who is honored? Ha-m’chabeid et habriot. The one who honors others. Honor comes from within, but is shared with everyone else.

Eventually We are All Gonna Die

If you gotta die – and eventually we all do – it is much more pleasant when you rest with the knowledge that you will be remembered fondly for the person you were, the wisdom you acquired and the love you shared. Some say that is how we attain immortality – by living honorable lives and by teaching our loved ones the lesson we learned.

Well, Ben Zoma is long gone. Now Donna lies at rest beside her beloved Danny. But their wisdom – about strength and contentment, about reconciliation and family – lives on in their names. May their memories be for a blessing (and may we say "Amen").

7 Things about Israel All Reform Jews Should Be Able to Agree Upon

2011-06-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about Israel a lot, especially since the dust up (mostly manufactured) regarding President Obama's speech and Prime Minister Netanyahu's speeches. It seems so easy to resort to slogans, to create controversy too, instead of facing the challenges and finding solutions.

Rabbi Fred Guttman, recently returning from AIPAC convention, suggests 7 things (I count 8) about Israel that all Reform Jews should be able to agree upon. His complete blogpost is worth the read; I excerpt much of it here:

As American Reform Jews we support the Foreign Aid bill which contains more than 3 billion dollars in needed security assistance for Israel. This money is critical in helping Israel maintain its qualitative military edge. Much of this money is spent on military hardware in the United States and thus helps the American economy. We also support foreign aid to the other countries because we view it as a good investment for our country. Building schools and health clinics is good for America because it reflects the highest of humanitarian values.
As American Jews, we are very concerned about Iran’s continued push towards the development of nuclear weapons. Therefore we support any act in Congress which will increase and strengthen the international sanctions again the regime in Teheran. We also would support measures directed especially at the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps which has been so brutal in quashing all resistance to Ahmadinijad and the mullahs. Currently in both houses of Congress, there are bills which would do what I have just mentioned and we as American Jews support such efforts.
We as American Reform Jews believe that peace between Israelis and Palestinians can only be achieved through direct negotiations between Israelis and Palestinians. Therefore we call upon the Palestinians to return to the negotiating table with Israel. We feel that while Mahmoud Abbas the Palestinian leader has been traveling all over the world talking with others about the future of the Palestinian nation, it has been tragic that he has not spoken directly to Israel.
We also feel that unless Hamas recognizes Israel, renounces violence and agrees to abide by all previous agreements, Hamas has no place in these negotiations. Hamas currently seeks the total destruction of Israel. Of all the liberation movements in the world today, Hamas is alone in demanding the total annihilation of another country. Other national libration movements envision living side by side in peaceful coexistence with their foes, but not Hamas. As American Reform Jews, we feel that should an unrepentant Hamas become part of the Palestinian government, the United States should reexamine its relationship with the Palestinian Authority and suspend aid to it. As a matter of fact, such a suspension of aid is mandated by US law.
We as American Reform Jews while passionately concerned about the security of Israel are also concerned and critical about decisions made by the Israeli government. We are opposed to building in settlements that clearly will be evacuated in some future peace deal. We are also concerned about elements of civil society in Israel. We feel that Israel can do more to advance the opportunities of Israel's religious and ethnic minorities to be able to participate fully in all aspects of Israeli society. As American Reform Jews, we are deeply concerned about the lack of religious pluralism in Israel. Therefore particularly on these matters, we will not hesitate to be critical of Israel.
As American Jews, we support ARZA, the Association of Reform Zionists of America, because ARZA is our way of supporting the cause of religious pluralism in Israel. In a recent article, Rabbi Daniel Allen, ARZA’s Executive Director wrote: “We must work to expand liberal Jewish religion. We can build an ever more inclusive democratic Israeli society if we marshal the human and financial resources. Israelis physically built a country, with significant assistance from world Jewry that most of us believe is here to stay. It was done through times of war while bringing in our exiles in massive numbers. Israel was built by people many of whom had broken lives before they arrived on its shores. Israel was assisted in physically building the state by a Jewish community that was not as affluent and capable of participating in building the soul of the society as it is today." Rabbi Allen calls for increased support from American Reform Jews for the liberal or Reform congregations in Israel. He feels that such support could make a significant impact from within on the state of Israel and would strengthen the ties between Reform Jews and their brothers and sisters in Israel.
We need to visit Israel. We need to encourage our congregations to take trips to Israel, to send their kids to Israel, to keep abreast of events happening in Israel and to make Israel part of our consciousness as Reform Jews. Too many of our members have never been to Israel. Too many have never seen a country which is so very different than they way it is portrayed in the media. Too many of our teens have never been in Israel, never had the opportunity to love it and appreciate it and as a result, are ill prepared to speak about Israel when they go to college. Perhaps the worst part of this is that too many young Reform Jews feel alienated from Israel, not in my opinion because they disagree with the policies of its government, but rather the only Israel which they know is that portrayed in the often sensationalist media. The chief cause of the alienation of young Reform Jews from Israel is due to the fact that so few of them have been there and as a result have no appreciation of a narrative as to why Israel is so important and precious to the Jewish people.
My seventh and final point is that as American Reform Jews, we will not hesitate to express and teach our love for Israel; its land, people and its right of national determination. Yes, Israel has much wrong with it. There are many things which need to be improved in Israel. However, when teaching Israel, I want to teach first the narrative of love. I want to teach the story of the importance of Israel as a place for persecuted Jewry throughout the world and as the only place wherein the Jewish people have the right of self determination. I want to teach about the miracle of Jewish self defense in Israel and how Israel in 1976 flew 2500 miles to Entebbe to rescue Jews of various nationalities who had been on a hijacked plane. I want to teach to stories of commitment and heroism of people like Yoni Netanyahu, Alex Singer, Avigdor Kahalani and Michael Levin who make me so proud and inspire me so much. If you do not recognize these names, that it part of the problem! And I, as a rabbi, Zionist and Jewish educator, view it as my holy task to teach you about these heroes. Yes, I want to first teach you about the love of Israel. Once I have done this, I will teach you about all of the imperfections she has and the challenges she faces in making a more just society and in bringing peace to that part of the world. When we fall in love, we tend only to see the good aspects of our spouses. My feeling is that if we focused upon the imperfections of our spouses only, we would have never fallen in love in the first place. So I will teach you the narrative of love before the narrative of imperfection.

Rabbi Guttman concludes:

Yes, you may point out twenty five things wrong with Israel, but I will still love her. Israel is a part of my very neshamah, my very soul. It is a tremendous part of how I as a Jew define my Jewish identity.

So what do YOU think? Can we all agree on this? Is there more? Are some beyond the reach of agreement?

Can you share it without name-calling? Without resorting to sloganeering?

If so, I look forward to your thoughts.